lastout_82 Posted August 5, 2009 Posted August 5, 2009 Having a hard time here trying to 180 when i want to talk to or see or even take the kids. i keep finding myself talking to her. i dont want to talk to her. most of the time she sparks up small talk. most of the time i talk back. sometimes i dont say anything. i dont want this to go down the wrong road. Any idea on how to do this with kids. should i just ignore her when she wants to talk about random stuff or should i talk. dont know what to do when she does try to hold a conversation. most of its about random bs that i kind of care about and some of it is random questions about were im going were im staying or something like that. Is this the road to recovery?
MrMayI Posted August 5, 2009 Posted August 5, 2009 i tend to get the same thing. i just show total indifference to her. i answer questions i feel need to be answered, and if i don't feel she deserves a response, i don't give her one. i don't consider it the road to recovery in my case. i consider it the fast track to nowhere.
Author lastout_82 Posted August 5, 2009 Author Posted August 5, 2009 somethings i dont know what to say too so i dont say nothing. like if she asked me "were are you staying" i dont say ****. actually i say dont worry about it. Just seems like something is changing for her. seems like something is finally comming around. but at the sametime this is how it felt before and it got worse. i know i dont talk to her and leave her alone now. unless i need something with kids or thats all. i dont know were this will go and as of right now i dont know if i really care. speedy respose mr gj
MrMayI Posted August 5, 2009 Posted August 5, 2009 i'm the same way. my wife always tries to ask me questions about things with me, point out things like haircut, muscle development, whatever. i show indifference solely for myself now. when this all started i took it all as a sign of hope, that she was noticing things and trying to reconnect with me. now, i know it's not the case. i don't ask her anything about what she's doing, and i don't feel she needs to know every detail about me.
phineas Posted August 5, 2009 Posted August 5, 2009 It depends on your situation. Mine was cheating & I knew it but she wouldn't admit or supply her cellphone bill to prove to me she was still NC with OM. So i told her I didn't want anything to do with her unless it involved the kids. Then she came up with creative ways to call me concerning the kids & try to work small talk into the conversation. So then I told her text message only until she supplied her phone bill. Eventually she said she'd get it & wanted to spend the weekend with me. I then noticed OM was on her facebook. Gee, she said he was dead to her. Now I 180 because I just don't want to talk to her period.
phineas Posted August 5, 2009 Posted August 5, 2009 i'm the same way. my wife always tries to ask me questions about things with me, point out things like haircut, muscle development, whatever. i show indifference solely for myself now. when this all started i took it all as a sign of hope, that she was noticing things and trying to reconnect with me. now, i know it's not the case. i don't ask her anything about what she's doing, and i don't feel she needs to know every detail about me. LOL! This morning my wife picked up the kids & noticed the weight bench in the kitchen & asked if I was working out in the kitchen or if it was there for cleaning. What's it to her? seriously? I think I said "both" because it was fast & simple then got her out of the house so I could get ready for work. jeez. I don't ask her nuthin. I don't care anymore.
tinktronik Posted August 5, 2009 Posted August 5, 2009 Write a script. Notate what you want your goal being talking to the kids. If she lunges off topic, return to the script. It will keep you focused toward what you want and will get her to see that you are not going to be swayed by her desire.
MrMayI Posted August 5, 2009 Posted August 5, 2009 LOL! This morning my wife picked up the kids & noticed the weight bench in the kitchen & asked if I was working out in the kitchen or if it was there for cleaning. What's it to her? seriously? I think I said "both" because it was fast & simple then got her out of the house so I could get ready for work. jeez. I don't ask her nuthin. I don't care anymore. i'm there phineas. i just can't figure out why i won't have her served. i've allowed her to sit on the papers for 2 weeks, and that's plenty of time. today marks 6 weeks since she left, and 5 years of conversations are already being forgotten. i'm starting to become so clouded that i don't even remember what i saw in her in the first place.
tinktronik Posted August 5, 2009 Posted August 5, 2009 LOL! This morning my wife picked up the kids & noticed the weight bench in the kitchen & asked if I was working out in the kitchen or if it was there for cleaning. What's it to her? seriously? I think I said "both" because it was fast & simple then got her out of the house so I could get ready for work. jeez. I don't ask her nuthin. I don't care anymore. You don't have to answer private questions at all or let her delve into your behaviors not having to directly to do with your shared children... Seriously, the script has saved me hundreds of wasted hours arguing or explaining my self to my ex.
Author lastout_82 Posted August 6, 2009 Author Posted August 6, 2009 i want things to work out between us though. i just dont want to screw anything up becasue im talking to her to "early" or something. Its strange i have to go there tonight to see the kids for a few hours and i kind of want to talk to her. but not about the problems just little **** that would seem like friend talk. you know like rebuilding the bond. dont know what to do im stuck.
phineas Posted August 6, 2009 Posted August 6, 2009 You don't have to answer private questions at all or let her delve into your behaviors not having to directly to do with your shared children... Seriously, the script has saved me hundreds of wasted hours arguing or explaining my self to my ex. we are in divorce now. I don't care about her life & what I do is no longer her business. She didn't care to fill me in on the details of her days because they involved OM. Now that he's run for the hills she for some reason thinks I care? LOL! I refuse to argue with her. I don't care enough anymore to. It's like the department idiot at work. You don't waste time anymore arguing with them about what their doing wrong. You just let them do what their going to do & wait for them to crash & burn.
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