jayboy Posted August 5, 2009 Posted August 5, 2009 Hi Going through a confusing break up/break and would be grateful for any opinions. Brief history: - GF of 8 years 3 months ago says she no longer wants to be with me. - Moves out of our flat to her Mums, after a few weeks we speak and she appears emotionally wrecked. Her Mum is completely on my side and is giving her no support etc etc. I offer to let her stay in our flat for a few months to get herself together, whilst I stay with my Mum. - Over the last few months she has made it clear she doesn't want a relationship with me. However she always adds that her feelings may change when we meet to discuss things in September. -She claims she is ready to move on with her life and that she needs to know she stand on her own two feet. However whenever I try to get things sorted (property issues, joint bank accounts etc) she always backs off and asks for space and that we can sort things in September. (She knows that even if I get the ball rolling on things now it will still take weeks to finalise, so why not get started now, so things don't drag on after September). - She has done nothing to look for a new place to stay, her friends can't help her, and I know she really doesn't want to go back to her Mums. Am I being stupid but does this seem like she is sort of saying she wants to break up, but when I try to sort out things that would really finalise things she backs off? I should add that her Uncle died recently and her Mum tells me this has made think about things more. We have been really happy with no apparent cracks. We just came back from a holiday to the Philippines where I met all of her family, and a few months ago she told me she wanted a ring and she happily told members of her family that next year could be the year we got married. It just seems to be one of the weirdest break ups I have experienced, despite what I know you will all say there is no third party and this is one of the real good girls. In our 8 years together I never had to worry about other guys, trust was never an issue. She love staying in on Friday nights, loved spending time with my family and hers, she was really one of the good ones. By the way I am 32 and she is 28. So what do you guys think of it all?
Thomas X Forever Posted August 5, 2009 Posted August 5, 2009 To explain her behavior of the fact she wanted a ring, but then broke up with you not long after... This is difficult. It could be that she was saying what she thought was expected of her, but all along it was eating her alive more and more. Then when she took that leap and said that, it really solidified how serious things were, and she wasn't ready for it. Based on your description of her, it doesn't sound like she had any other guy. Unless you were overly trusting, and that biased your comments towards her to us. Gonna get crucified for this next comment, but here goes. Girls never know what they want, and they act on emotion, NOT LOGIC or reason. And I don't say that as a man. I say that as someone who studies psychology down to a PhD level.
Author jayboy Posted August 5, 2009 Author Posted August 5, 2009 Hi Thomas Yeah I see your point, a friend of mine says the same and adds she just seems really confused and not wanting to commit to anything. I really don't want to lose this one, but it just seems that when I try to be practical about the whole thing and call her bluff to get the nitty gritty stuff sorted she always seems to stall on things and asks for space. We are meant to have been broken up for the last 3 months already but nothing has really moved on even though it would appear that sorting out the practicalities would make things easier for her to move on. When I try to get the real nitty gritty stuff sorted out (closing joint bank accounts, taking her name off the deeds of the flat etc) she asks for space and to wait till September. She says she asked for the ring in the hope it would improve our relationship which was cruising a bit to be honest down to my laziness, however I don't buy that as she willingly told members of our families happily, and what would hse have said if I bought a ring secretly and proposed..."Er no sorry this is not what I want?"
boogieboy Posted August 5, 2009 Posted August 5, 2009 Sounds to me like she fell out of love with you for whatever reason and doesnt know how to handle it. She might be conflicted as to whether or not she made the right decision, and thats why she keeps avoiding finalizing things. You might have to do it for her. Right now, you have to give her alot of space, and do not be her support, otherwise it will push her away farther. Once women fall out of love for you for whatever reason, they usually cant come back even if they try, which could be why she doesnt want to see you. Asking for space is usually the kiss of death for a relationship. If you keep in touch with her, it doesnt give her a chance to miss you. So you should really stay out of contact with her until at least october so SHE can miss YOU and come looking for YOU. Its the old rubberband effect. Thats the only thing you can do right now if you want any chance of getting her to look at you differently. You will have to ignore her for a while no matter what she says. In the meantime, you really might have to write this one off. Space usually means a slow breakup.
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