banser123 Posted August 5, 2009 Posted August 5, 2009 After reading all these posts in this forum and dealing with my own situation I cant believe how many screwed up, indecisive people there are out there. I am amazed at how many relationships end because someone has no feelings anymore (just another way of saying they got tired of their partner). Does anyone realize just how wrong this is. I understand if there is cheating or abuse or something very drastic involved, then I can see a break up, but most of these reasons are lame, and some dont even have any reasons. I undersatand it happening occasionally but its just too common now. People need to start taking relationships more serious. You dont get serious and say deep things to someone then just leave if there is a problem. What about communication and trying to work things out. There is no more effort anymore. This is the trend nowadays. People are getting hurt and there emotions are being played with, its just not fair. I am not only saying this because of my situation, its just that so many guys/girls are getting hurt for stupid reasons.
Thomas X Forever Posted August 5, 2009 Posted August 5, 2009 I wish the same, that people took relationships more serious. I wouldn't have lost the ones I loved.
Excellent Posted August 5, 2009 Posted August 5, 2009 I agree, and i have wondered about the same thing many times. It seems that some people just don't value the love another person has to offer them. As you say, if there is violence, cheating etc. involved, then i understand. But most of the reasons i have seen in here are just coming from the lack of will to communicate and to work on the relationship. I truly believe that if you can make someone fall in love with you, then you can do it again. Because you have had it in you all the time, it's just the question of finding "it" again.
Darren09 Posted August 5, 2009 Posted August 5, 2009 Yeah am certainly not looking for another relationship anytime soon, Too much BS flying around
fiser360 Posted August 5, 2009 Posted August 5, 2009 I completely agree. Relationships are taken very lightly by too many people. Especially long term ones. One little thing goes wrong, and it's over. It would be nice to see people talk things out before rash decisions were made.
silic0ntoad Posted August 5, 2009 Posted August 5, 2009 I actually think it's a cultural thing, to be honest. People nowadays have no respect for what they have, and the "mtv" generation didn't help any of that. I may only be 26 but I feel I am old school when it comes to relationships. Young people in America have no sense of preservation when it comes to relationships. The second they see something new and shiny, that trusty old reliable guy/girl is secondary. It's completely ridiculous.
jayboy Posted August 5, 2009 Posted August 5, 2009 I completely agree. Relationships are taken very lightly by too many people. Especially long term ones. One little thing goes wrong, and it's over. It would be nice to see people talk things out before rash decisions were made. I agree completely with this, if you are have been in a long term relationship with someone to my mind this shows that on many levels these two people are compatible. However at the first sign of a crack one party believes that this is a sign that they are no longer in love and must leave without the chance of a discussion, which in all probability would have sorted things out.
bella16 Posted August 5, 2009 Posted August 5, 2009 I couldn't agree more. I read this post and actually smiled because it is so true! My ex broke-up with me over the most stupid thing ever. That is why I hate texting in relationships nowadays too! People dont' know how to communicate anymore. Thank you for this post!
love_fool Posted August 5, 2009 Posted August 5, 2009 My ex and I were the worst at communicating, it was a one way street. Funny how "lost feelings" was my break-up in simple words.
NightLord1 Posted August 5, 2009 Posted August 5, 2009 If you take a look at how couples were back in the 40's and 50's and then take a look at how they are now there is a HUGE difference. People back then went through the hard times with each other and made it work. There was a lot more respect, integrity, and determination in people then there are today. In today's world divorce and people breaking up in long term relationships are just way too common. I blame the 60's myself (even though i'm only 31) but you take a look at how things were before the 60's and then after and its pretty self explanatory.
Author banser123 Posted August 5, 2009 Author Posted August 5, 2009 It is so true indeed. And I cant believe how common it is. Did I miss something? Is it something in the water? I just hope we can all be strong and things change. Morals and values on relationships seem to be extinct
silic0ntoad Posted August 5, 2009 Posted August 5, 2009 I agree- oddly enough, when my Ex and I broke up in June, my brother and his GF, a good friend of mine and his GF all broke up the same weekend. It's like a cosmic joke.
broken_promises Posted August 5, 2009 Posted August 5, 2009 I completely and totally agree. I am so tired of people seeing relationships as disposable after making promises and commitments. More than anything, I am sick to death of hearing that "not in love with you anymore" reply. Our society just completely equates "love" with the first year or so of a relationship where it is all new and exciting. We are encouraged to move on when things just aren't "making us happy" anymore. As the OP said, it is one thing when there is abuse or cheating... but to breakup with someone just because you aren't happy anymore is just selfish and immature. Guess what? The grass is only going to be greener on the other side for a year or so with the next person you are with too. WHEN are people going to understand this?!? Life is boring. The day-to-day living of life is mundane. Relationships become about helping each other live day-to-day. They are not about getting excited every day for the rest of your life to see the other person. I just wish people would figure themselves out before launching into a relationship with someone else (or having kids or getting pets) because these things take work and endurance. It's not just about having fun and feeling the elation of a new relationship.
mickleb Posted August 6, 2009 Posted August 6, 2009 I think we take a long time achieving true self-belief. I think people get involved with others and they think they're fine but, actually, this other person they're bouncing off manages to reflect their problems back at them. And they either say - whoaa! - I didn't sign up for this! And just try hooking up with someone else, down the line. Or they say - sheete! - this stuff is, actually, FAIR! I am messed up! And take some 'time out' to, finally, address all that crap they kept under wraps, from themselves, for so long. We learn so much from our interactions with other people, and sometimes this involves dragging them through the mill with us. I made a conscious effort a while back not pass my sh*t onto other people. I did years of counselling and sorted my life out and then dipped my toe back into the water, just when I was ready, to find a guy who was adorable. Sadly, he hadn't done anything like this for himself and the confidence he projected was all a big act. He's having a mental breakdown as I type and there's nothing I can do to help him. He won't let me help and he, probably, needs to do this by himself anyway. I just wish we would take a good look at ourselves before we plough head-first into other people's hearts. Good thread, banser! I like it, too! x
fiser360 Posted August 6, 2009 Posted August 6, 2009 It makes me sick to think that there really aren't many people out there (that I know of, at least) who really value relationships for a long period of time. I know so many people that get married, and get a divorce less than a year later just because it didn't feel right at the time or things were "bad". It makes me want to start a seminar or something. I don't know. I just wish something would change in this society of ours. It really, really pains me. Unless there is something major going on in a relationship, why not try and work it out? If you "love" the person you are with like you so willingly say, then TRY! Sorry everyone. I just needed to get that off of my chest. Until reading this post I never really thought about how big of a deal this was becoming in our society. Whooooo...-breathes- Thanks.
cupcakelove77 Posted August 6, 2009 Posted August 6, 2009 I agree with you all 100% it is so true! Now days no one values anything, and takes it all for granted. If it gets hard, or a little boring or something new comes along, they are so easy to just walk away, no matter how many yrs. are invested.
utterer of lies Posted August 6, 2009 Posted August 6, 2009 After reading all these posts in this forum and dealing with my own situation I cant believe how many screwed up, indecisive people there are out there. I am amazed at how many relationships end because someone has no feelings anymore (just another way of saying they got tired of their partner). What a great manifesto for staying in an unhappy marriage/relationship. *facepalm* Does anyone realize just how wrong this is. I disagree. Sometimes, it's just better for some things to end. I understand if there is cheating or abuse or something very drastic involved, then I can see a break up, but most of these reasons are lame, and some dont even have any reasons. I undersatand it happening occasionally but its just too common now. So a lack of love for each other is not a valid reason? People need to start taking relationships more serious. You dont get serious and say deep things to someone then just leave if there is a problem. What about communication and trying to work things out. Helps sometimes, not always. There is no more effort anymore. This is the trend nowadays. People are getting hurt and there emotions are being played with, its just not fair. Oh, you didn't get the memo? Life's not fair.
Peanut9330 Posted August 6, 2009 Posted August 6, 2009 Unfortunately a lot of people lack communication skills when it comes to relationships, Whenever there was a problem in my relationship I always told my BF but when he had a problem with something he never told me and held it in for months, until he decided the better option would be to cheat on me, so I guess my point is the for most people its much easier to walk away or cheat rather then work together on a problem.
trueblue72ny Posted August 6, 2009 Posted August 6, 2009 amen. my ex gf said she just gets burned out on everything in life. no reason. just loses the feelings for everyone and everything eventually. it has happened in every single relationship in her life. wish i knew that before i got involved, because this hurts a lot i cant tell you all the fine promises that were made in the beginning. seems like this happens a lot. its exhausting to continually deal with.
SweetyBear Posted August 6, 2009 Posted August 6, 2009 Talk about ashamed. I already absolutely know the reasons I ended my relationship weren't good ones and that we could have worked it out if I had been willing to. After reading this, I could cry. A little perspective can sure shed some light on a subject. I think my ex would agree wholeheartedly with all of you. I wish I'd had this lesson before I ended things. I wasn't happy, but now I know it was situational. It wasn't him or me, it was because of a situation that will change. Now, I know it will, but at the time I was so focused on my "needs" and blinded by my own selfishness that I couldn't see it for what it was. My ex is making little gestures toward me like texts and quick chats on the phone. I'm really hoping he's testing the waters to see if I have changed my attitude. He's said all along that getting back together is up to me. Now I understand he's saying the same thing as you all are: It's up to me whether I'm in this for the long haul and to work things out instead of running away when the going gets rough. Reading through this I think I sound like a young girl. Nope. For me, it's been that I was only in one serious relationship prior to my ex and that was such a horrific experience that I completely closed myself off from dating for ten years.
moo Posted August 7, 2009 Posted August 7, 2009 My ex treated me like I was totally disposable. His new girlfriend is "better to date" because she lives in the same city and I live an hour a way. Big deal. Never mind how I opened up my heart and my life to him. I guess that doesn't matter. It's just ridiculous. His parents were distant...both of them. As many of your know, he cut both of his parents out of his life. He cut off his mother because she was begging him to help her get heat in her place and his father is sick and no longer recognizes him. He told me he no longer speaks with his brothers because they made fun of him since he did not join the military. I do not know why he does not speak with his sister. He really is ridiculous. Out of his entire family, the only one he speaks to is his son. He said "no" to couple's counseling for us....twice. I once asked him if anyone ever told him that he has a talent for making someone feel unwanted. He said his gf before me told him that. And she lived in the SAME city!!
Taucher Posted August 7, 2009 Posted August 7, 2009 I agree with all this...to an extent. I think personal choice and freedom has improved in all areas of life. I do agree that maybe some people take it too far and give up on things that can be worked on. On the other side, my ex's grandparents were miserable and didnt like each other in any way, but they come from an era when people just had to get on with it and make do. I think we need to find the middle ground somewhat. T
GrayClouds Posted August 7, 2009 Posted August 7, 2009 If you take a look at how couples were back in the 40's and 50's and then take a look at how they are now there is a HUGE difference. People back then went through the hard times with each other and made it work. There was a lot more respect, integrity, and determination in people then there are today. In today's world divorce and people breaking up in long term relationships are just way too common. I blame the 60's myself (even though i'm only 31) but you take a look at how things were before the 60's and then after and its pretty self explanatory. it was the parents of the 40's and 50's that raised the children of the 60's
jb1173 Posted August 7, 2009 Posted August 7, 2009 So much of the problem is that there are far too many people who don't understand the gravity of, and the commitment that comes with, the words "I love you". It rolls off the lips of many people who don't really know what love means. Love is more than a feeling or an emotion. Love is not infatuation or lust. Love doesn't disappear overnight. I'm a newbie here. I've been reading through all the many (painful/heartbreaking) posts in an effort to get some perspective or clarity about my own situation. Short story is that my ex-boyfriend professed his love for me just weeks into the relationship. I normally do not move that fast, but I already knew I loved him...it felt safe and comfortable, and it felt right to tell him that I also loved him. We were only together a few weeks after that when he suddenly, and very unexpectedly, told me that he wanted out of the relationship. His words and actions up until the breakup were entirely contradictory to someone who was not in love with me. His reason was that he didn't feel we would be compatible long-term. I was/am blindsided. No one that knew us saw this coming, least of all me. Commitmentphobe? Maybe. Fairweather boyfriend? Maybe. I am not sure I will ever know what happened. But I do know that he obviously did not understand what love is.
GrayClouds Posted August 7, 2009 Posted August 7, 2009 I agree with you all 100% it is so true! Now days no one values anything, and takes it all for granted. If it gets hard, or a little boring or something new comes along, they are so easy to just walk away, no matter how many yrs. are invested. We live in a throw away society and that includes relationships. Most people can not understand the rewards of working through the hard stuff.
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