Bleed Internal Posted August 5, 2009 Posted August 5, 2009 I was doing SO WELL too. I found out that my girlfriend was cheating on me a few weeks ago. After close to a week of arguing and bs, I went NC. I lasted for almost 2 weeks. Ignored calls, texts, and everything. Then last night I got weak and texted her: "you don't even care" She responded with several texts explaining how much she does care. I deleted them and didn't respond. Then this morning, I find myself craving her attention again and I texted her: "i just wish things would have turned out differently for us" She responded: "I desperately wish that too." For some reason, that response felt so hollow and selfish and it really pissed me off. I texted her about how that text felt like a slap in the face. About how things would have turned out differently, but she's the one that messed everything up. I let her know that texting her was a mistake and that nothing has changed. She responded with several texts saying how she's trying to work through what she did, how she wants to make everything better, and how she hates herself. She said she would do anything to change what she did and earn me back. She knows she ruined everything but she wants to "get some of it back," whatever that means. These texts made me very angry. They felt so selfish. Like there was no concern about the fact that she disrespected and hurt me more than anyone ever has in my life. Like she just wanted to make herself feel better. I've been doing very well and moving on at a great pace since the breakup and for some reason I thought I was at a point where I could talk to her. All it did was make me realize how much I hate her. I thought about responding with furious texts, hurling insults and obscenities, letting her know that I've already slept with other women, and vowing to never talk to her again. But I did a ton of that angry talk when we first broke up and it feels useless now. It won't change what she did and it won't make me feel any better. I'm doing NC for myself. I know I won't ever talk to her again and I don't need to send her an angry text to convey that. She'll get the message. So I'm going to delete the texts and not respond at all. There's no purpose to communicating with her. I'm not even 21 yet and this is my first big, bad breakup. So while I don't feel good about breaking NC, it's the first time I ever have in a situation like this. I had all these built up urges to contact her for whatever reason and when I did it felt so empty and I immediately regretted it. Now I know better and I'm confident it won't happen again. If anything, it just makes moving on even easier. Thoughts? Was I right or wrong to break NC? How did I handle myself? Am I right for not responding to her texts anymore? Let me know. Thanks everyone.
GorillaTheater Posted August 5, 2009 Posted August 5, 2009 Well, I'll give you my thoughts. I right or wrong to break NC? How did I handle myself? Am I right for not responding to her texts anymore? Breaking NC was a mistake. Do you feel better having done so? I bet not. You just set your recovery back to square one. Don't make the same mistake again, stick to NC.
Author Bleed Internal Posted August 5, 2009 Author Posted August 5, 2009 Honestly, I do feel better. I was thinking about her non-stop and kept bottling up the constant urges to contact her. Then I did and it was a disappointment. I realized that what she did to our relationship can never be erased or taken back. She was like another person. Someone I didn't know and someone I never loved. I didn't even have the energy to say anything negative. I'm still not completely over her, but breaking NC made me lose all desire to ever contact her again. There's nothing there. Now I need to focus on moving on.
GorillaTheater Posted August 5, 2009 Posted August 5, 2009 It's good to hear that something positive came of it. So, you're not going to communicate with her again, right?
Author Bleed Internal Posted August 5, 2009 Author Posted August 5, 2009 It's good to hear that something positive came of it. So, you're not going to communicate with her again, right? that's the plan. i feel like i'm ready to commit to it too.
silic0ntoad Posted August 5, 2009 Posted August 5, 2009 Sometimes people simply aren't ready to let go. You need to honestly be ready to see NC through to the very end, whatever it may be. I think you did the right thing- you had some stuff to get off your chest. That's ok. Now stick to NC and put the final nail in the coffin that was your relationship. Soon you'll be 21 and then the fun really starts without that anchor holding you down!
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