tuscansun Posted August 5, 2009 Posted August 5, 2009 Alright LS, back for advice, I've tried handling it myself.... So as some of you know, I broke up with the supposed love of my life back in 07, well, realistically more like 08..takes a few months for the sex to stop sometimes and for two people to actually give up.. I'll spare details and just answer questions as they come because the relationship lasted 3 adn a half years and theres too much to tell and I feel like our break up dragged on for about a year too unfortunetly. Here's the bottom line....what really made our break up official was when he rebounded to this chick at his office. NOt his type at all, but she was there in his city (I'm 3 hours away), in his office, in his face really, so she literally fell into his lap. I was crushed, blah blah blah, anyway, a year later, he's finally confessed that he's forcing it with her which I already knew, and that he feels stuck in his job and in his life there. He was stupid enough to go buy a house with one of his coworkers (not her) when he didn't plan on living there more than five years, so now with this economy he's stuck in a house deal with some random guy with a home that he cant afford to live in or sell, he's a d.a. and the D.A.s offices in Cali are doing salary cuts across the board and they're not hiring in my city so he can't quit his job...AS lame as this all sounds, I think I'm still in love with him. I never claimed to be over it; I made myself push forward so I wouldn't be wallowing in depression and I've been finishing school and I've started teaching and Ive gotten out of debt and rekindled my spiritual life which had been a mess. All in all, I'm a different person, and I really feel it helped that I just dealt with the pain instead of just jump into something with whomever; because he seems to be ten times worse. When we talk he drinks in everything I say about my church and what I'm learning because he's fallen so far he doesn't even know where to begin. He expresses constantly how he wants to change everything about his life, girlfriend, job, city, all of it, and come back and work this out. But he lacks the courage to do so. I'm not here holding my breath but every once in a while I do get vulnerable and we'll have a hot conversation that I have to end or we'll have an email exchange that goes back and forth for like a week. He wants to come visit for the weekend (he has friends and family that live here) and hang out with me, but there's so much sexual tension I don't know if that's a good idea. Call me mean, but his gf is scandalous and though I don't want to be lame, she was VERY lame when my bf and I were together so that isn't my concern as much as am I going to jeopardize my progress by seeing him. I'm feeling a crazy array of emotion varying from excitement to disappointment to skepticism to "maybe I'm getting over it"....I'm 24, he's 34 and part of me just feels like he's too old to be doing this and I'm too young to be waiting on it. But love was never our problem, it's no question we love each other deeply, I just don't know if this is a situation where love is not enough? I don't know what to do anymore...
SCooke Posted August 5, 2009 Posted August 5, 2009 I think that if you still love him after all this time, then maybe its the real deal. But you do need some sort of answer, either way. It's not fair to you to be waiting in limbo like this. He needs to either make a commitment to you or you should let him go and go on with your life. You need to make it clear to him that you can't go on waiting for him because it's obviously taking a toll on you. This is complicated and I'm sure its really hard for you. But you need an answer! You're right, you're too young to be waiting like this! If things are not meant to be with him, you deserve to go out there and live your life as fully as possible. Good luck! Wish you the best.
Author tuscansun Posted August 6, 2009 Author Posted August 6, 2009 Yeah I hear you...I feel really lost...
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