Give him another chance or move forward with something new????

[Tabitha_37]

I've dated a guy for 5 years, most of it pretty horrible, he cheated, he was verbally abusive, and on a number of different drugs. We've been spending less and less time together over the last year and I've developed almost a separate life from him. I thought he would never change but now all of the sudden he is in treatment and giving it 110%, he shows signs of remorse and sounds like a totally different person.

In the last few months I've been dating somebody I feel is perfect for me and I love being with...I don't know where this will go but feel torn because I'm still worried and have the ex on my mind (who definitely wants to get back together).

 

After being with the ex for 5 years I still hold on to some of the plans we had for the future and feel like him getting off the drugs and re-prioritizing his life is exactly what our relationship needed - five years ago. I still do love him and care for him very deeply...but at the same time I care and love being with this new person.

 

I feel like I'm giving up on the ex and leaving him when he needs me the most, I feel he is one of my best friends and can't imagine him not being a part of my life - I still love hm...and YET I can't believe I finally met somebody else that I truly LOVE being with...

If somebody has taken the effort to change their life should they be given the benefit of the doubt or should I not forget his past behavior and move forward with what could be a wonderful thing?

I'm confused, stressed, happy, sad and all around mixed up - any advice would be helpful!

[Thornton]

I would stick with the new guy... no second chances with me! If you take your ex back and he treats you badly again, you'll really regret having broken up with your current bf. You can still be there for your ex as a friend, but my advice is to keep him only as a friend and stick with your current relationship. Ideally you'd get rid of him as a friend too, in order to prevent him from jeopardising your current relationship... but if you feel you want to be his friend then do so, just don't get sucked back into a relationship with him again.

[Thomas X Forever]

I've dated a guy for 5 years, most of it pretty horrible, he cheated, he was verbally abusive, and on a number of different drugs.

 

 

You really could've stopped here. Drop this imbecile.

 

Someone who was greater at psychology than I may ever be, told me something that rings very true. The worst way to go into a relationship/marriage, is to try to fix (or as some people would slyly word it, "Help") someone.

 

I sure as hell made that mistake. My first gf ever suffered from a Cluster B disorder, as well as bipolar I, and was a cutter. But I genuinely loved her, and was too far into the relationship. Plus, I was mr. psychology, I thought I could save her. I stuck around, half from ego, the other half from love. I did my best to take an emotional bullet for her sake. I wielded the DSM-IV, neuroscience, the science of psychology, and just plain good old psychology itself, all to no prevail. I wouldn't let myself give up though, determined to prove to her I wouldn't abandon her like her father.

 

I crashed and burned. It was a massacre that left me deep scars. In fact it was so bad, that if I could've chosen right then and there to be gay or straight, I would have turned gay. She really painted women THAT badly.

[NightLord1]

I'm in agreement with the other posters here.

 

Be LUCKY you found someone with whom you feel you have such a connection with.

 

You have a lot of history with your ex so it is only natural to want to go to him and give it another shot but honestly what happens if he falls back to old patterns and starts all that crap again? Not only will you be right back to square one but then you would have lost out on the chance with the guy you are with now and you will always wonder what would have happened if i stayed with him?

 

If this ex of yours manages to stay clean that's good but he wasn't clean nor treated you right when you were with him. How many chances could he have had to clean himself up WHILE he was with you?

 

ANY chance and he didn't want to then by the sounds of your post.

 

You also run the risk if you decide to go back to the ex to begin to miss and wonder about the new guy you are with and he may just move on and find someone else then you would really be out of luck.

 

It is of course your ultimate choice and decision but in my opinion i wouldn't even look back at someone who did all that. Just because they are getting themselves clean does not mean they will STAY that way.

 

History has a tendency of repeating itself.

Regards,