CaliGuy Posted August 11, 2009 Posted August 11, 2009 In the past her words said one thing and her actions did another, and this may just be another case of that. If you ever wanted to truly know if someone loved you or not, this is the 100% guaranteed never-to-fail measure. If they say they love you and follow it up with actions, they do. If they say they love you but their actions prove otherwise, they do not. When someone truly loves you, their words and actions will never be in conflict with each other. EVER. It's when they say they love you but aren't with you, aren't doing the things that prove they love you, then the words are meaningless. This is the gauge which I use to tell if someone is being truthful. Not just with love, but friendship as well.
hoping2heal Posted August 11, 2009 Posted August 11, 2009 If you ever wanted to truly know if someone loved you or not, this is the 100% guaranteed never-to-fail measure. If they say they love you and follow it up with actions, they do. If they say they love you but their actions prove otherwise, they do not. When someone truly loves you, their words and actions will never be in conflict with each other. EVER. It's when they say they love you but aren't with you, aren't doing the things that prove they love you, then the words are meaningless. This is the gauge which I use to tell if someone is being truthful. Not just with love, but friendship as well. YES. YES. YES. This is one the best posts I've read in AGES.
carnegie Posted August 12, 2009 Posted August 12, 2009 YES. YES. YES. This is one the best posts I've read in AGES. Me too! I fully agree with you, Caliguy! That's why I like the song "More than words" very much:D!
GrayClouds Posted August 12, 2009 Posted August 12, 2009 Me too! I fully agree with you, Caliguy! That's why I like the song "More than words" very much:D! i think it is important to understand the declaration of action is not the same as action. it is easy to fall into the trap of someone you care for saying they are going to do something (stop cheating,stop drinking, get help...) & have it feel like they are moving in a positive direction. you let them back into your life only to then find once again they are using word and not action. if someone is is going to make a change, they will just start doing it. you said your ex wants to find a therapist "someday". It makes it sound like she wants to make a change. it make you feel good,it make her feel good but it really not interested it doing it. if she really sees there are issue she would want to correct them. she would do it as soon as possible not wait until it is convenient. what is she going to do in the mean time screw over other people and cheat herself out of a better life and that's ok "for now"? the bottom line is she saying that her problems she needs help with are really not such a big deal for her and the fact she is hurting people because of them is not a big deal either. what she should have said if she was sincere "i have started therapist and this is what i am doing to become a better person". that shows action. you got it right. she trying to use you to help her over her guilt. SHE IS STILL PLAYING GAMES WITH YOU.
hoping2heal Posted August 12, 2009 Posted August 12, 2009 you said your ex wants to find a therapist "someday". It makes it sound like she wants to make a change. it make you feel good,it make her feel good but it really not interested it doing it. if she really sees there are issue she would want to correct them. she would do it as soon as possible not wait until it is convenient. what is she going to do in the mean time screw over other people and cheat herself out of a better life and that's ok "for now"? the bottom line is she saying that her problems she needs help with are really not such a big deal for her and the fact she is hurting people because of them is not a big deal either. what she should have said if she was sincere "i have started therapist and this is what i am doing to become a better person". that shows action. you got it right. she trying to use you to help her over her guilt. SHE IS STILL PLAYING GAMES WITH YOU. You Hit the nail on the head with a hammer. I second this all the way.
CaliGuy Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 YES. YES. YES. This is one the best posts I've read in AGES. Thanks. It's a cold hard fact that I had to learn first hand. I will ALWAYS use that measure to tell if someone truly loves me. If the words and actions don't match I will simply walk away. Me too! I fully agree with you, Caliguy! That's why I like the song "More than words" very much:D! Thanks!
GrayClouds Posted August 14, 2009 Posted August 14, 2009 i bet if she contacts you again she will say she knows she will never have another love like what she had with you. it will allow her to play the victim, let her feel like the relationship was a romeo and juliet romantic tragedy, that it was fated for it to end badly. it will be another way for her to feel like she trying hard to clean the past without actually (as caliguy would say) proving anything with action. why? SHE IS STILL PLAYING GAMES WITH YOU.
hoping2heal Posted August 15, 2009 Posted August 15, 2009 Aww. How are you holding up? What have you decided?
GrayClouds Posted August 15, 2009 Posted August 15, 2009 actually, she already has ...and now I am tired. why tired?
CaliGuy Posted August 17, 2009 Posted August 17, 2009 I am tired from her words saying one thing and her actions saying another, I am tired from her apology saying I didn't deserve "most of the negative things she did or said" (what kind of f*cking apology is that and what does she think I did deserved). I am tired from seeing that even the good in the relationship is haunted by cheating, lying and deceitfulness. I am tired from taking two steps forward and one step back. I am tired from being so naive and not learn these lessons when I was younger and I am tired from the fact strangers on a forum seems to know my ex better then I do. Remember, he words and action are in conflict with each other. When someone does that, they are simply seeking validation. They don't mean what they say. They say what they think they need to in order to get you to say what they want to hear. When they get it, they feel better and stop contacting you until they need more validation.
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