EddieN Posted August 5, 2009 Posted August 5, 2009 That big crazy thread gave me this idea. From my experiences, nearly all girls have some kind of relationship with a guy or several guys going on. It's nearly impossible to find one that's completely single. Girls will usually refer to this guy as their boyfriend, no matter how serious they are. I'm not doubting that many girls' boyfriends ARE indeed serious, but isn't it a bit much to run away once you hear about the boyfriend? I've always done that, and I've turned away from a lot of girls just with that when I heard that one word. If I keep ruling out every girl who has any sort of boyfriend in their life...it's going to be VERY slim pickings. What are your thoughts on this?
dreamergrl Posted August 5, 2009 Posted August 5, 2009 I think if one is just starting to date, it's not wrong. But if a girl has a bf, it's off limits. If you had a girlfriend, would you want her to be open target for other guys, and it be considered fair game?
motive2002 Posted August 5, 2009 Posted August 5, 2009 A well rounded girl that can be happy with her life and in her own skin doesn't need to constantly have a man in her life. She will be confident, self assured and single, and that's exactly the type of girl you want. The others that always seem to have a boyfriend, and go from one guy to the next, have issues. Then there's the chicks that are happy in their relationship and wouldn't give you play no matter what. The moral? Don't go after chicks that are already paired up with someone. Period. The end.
homebound Posted August 5, 2009 Posted August 5, 2009 this is a touchy subject. check it-im in iraq and my ex of 4 years just got a new boyfriend. So im pretty pissed. But technically we are broken up. And before her I never cared if the girl i was into had a man. So im going to have to go with Eddie on this one. All is fair in love and war OIF 911!!!!
BobSacamento Posted August 5, 2009 Posted August 5, 2009 No ring = fair game. However, there are many factors in choosing which one's to pursue. I'd say the top being, can you take the BF in a fight?
dreamergrl Posted August 5, 2009 Posted August 5, 2009 this is a touchy subject. check it-im in iraq and my ex of 4 years just got a new boyfriend. So im pretty pissed. But technically we are broken up. And before her I never cared if the girl i was into had a man. So im going to have to go with Eddie on this one. All is fair in love and war OIF 911!!!! What is ironic about your post homebound, is your on the same page as the guy below you.. here.. and he's the one who didn't care if he was hooking up with your girl .... I think you are right on the money. Many a relationship have started this way. It may not be "moral" but it is the world we were born into. Let's say you started a business and all of your competitors were using a loophole in the law to generate mass profits. You'd either have to join them or be crushed by them. The same applies to dating in my opinion. Other men will be hitting on a woman regardless of her status and let me tell you, it works. You may not agree with it and it may not be "moral", but it is the world we live in. You can either adapt to your environment or be overwhelmed by it. I don't feel one bit of remorse for making out with or sleeping with someone else's girl (as long as the guy is not my friend).
motive2002 Posted August 5, 2009 Posted August 5, 2009 No ring = fair game. Yeah that's what my ex-best friend thought when he started mackin on my ex girlfriend. I could have killed them both! NOW I SAY AGAIN.... don't go after the ones with boyfriends!!!! How would you like to be that guy who's girl left you for some dude she just met?!?
Author EddieN Posted August 5, 2009 Author Posted August 5, 2009 Homebound, bless you man. Hope you'll be back on American soil soon. And yes, this is a touchy subject. motive and dreamergirl, my point is that many girls use the term "boyfriend" for a wide range of relationships. Some of those are legit boyfriends. If that's the case and the girl is happy in a relationship, then I don't mess with that. But many times that isn't the case. The girl isn't in some happy stable love-bound relationship. She's with her current guy but will be happy to jump to another guy if she thinks that guy is better. I don't care to have a relationship with this kind of girl for obvious reasons, but I wouldn't hesitate to pursue her and just date. It would be the kind of thing were we see each other for a bit, then both of us get bored and we move on.
dreamergrl Posted August 5, 2009 Posted August 5, 2009 I wouldn't want that, but it is going to happen whether I want it to or not. It's going to happen because of this thinking, and rationalizing it. People do it out of rationalization, and that's why it happens. And your contributing to it. You're part of the problem.
whimsical_memory Posted August 5, 2009 Posted August 5, 2009 I think that if you approach someone and they are in a committed relationship =male or female= that no matter the 'chemistry or attraction', it just won't go any further than mild flirting. Honestly, would you want to be in a relationship with someone that you know is willing to cheat on their partner?
Author EddieN Posted August 5, 2009 Author Posted August 5, 2009 I'd say the top being, can you take the BF in a fight? Haha. In most cases I would be confident that I could, but a knife or gun can easily ruin that confidence.
homebound Posted August 5, 2009 Posted August 5, 2009 I meant what I said and I said what I meant. She has a boyfriend now and Im going to try and get her back at all costs. I love her and I mean to marry her. She's the one, plain and simple.
Author EddieN Posted August 5, 2009 Author Posted August 5, 2009 I think that if you approach someone and they are in a committed relationship =male or female= that no matter the 'chemistry or attraction', it just won't go any further than mild flirting. Honestly, would you want to be in a relationship with someone that you know is willing to cheat on their partner? Again, many girls who claim to have boyfriends are NOT in committed relationships.
carhill Posted August 5, 2009 Posted August 5, 2009 I touched on the subject prior, but what I do, if interested, is make them aware of my presence and interest and then leave it at that. That's my boundary. I then pursue other potentials and remain at the perimeter. The key for me was to learn how to mold my intrinsic emotional availability and openness into an attractive feature, as it is something somewhat rare in males. It is also something women seek out in relationships. I give them a taste of what it's like with me, then move to an active support role (at the perimeter). If they choose to end their relationship, it's their choice and good on them for making a healthy one. If it helps them negotiate a healthier relationship with their spouse/partner, good on them I don't give them anything that I wouldn't give freely to anyone. No expectations. Confuses the hell out of 'em
BobSacamento Posted August 5, 2009 Posted August 5, 2009 Yeah that's what my ex-best friend thought when he started mackin on my ex girlfriend. I could have killed them both! NOW I SAY AGAIN.... don't go after the ones with boyfriends!!!! How would you like to be that guy who's girl left you for some dude she just met?!? Some things are just not meant to be. If she's civil about it, cest la vie.
sally4sara Posted August 5, 2009 Posted August 5, 2009 That big crazy thread gave me this idea. From my experiences, nearly all girls have some kind of relationship with a guy or several guys going on. It's nearly impossible to find one that's completely single. Girls will usually refer to this guy as their boyfriend, no matter how serious they are. I'm not doubting that many girls' boyfriends ARE indeed serious, but isn't it a bit much to run away once you hear about the boyfriend? I've always done that, and I've turned away from a lot of girls just with that when I heard that one word. If I keep ruling out every girl who has any sort of boyfriend in their life...it's going to be VERY slim pickings. What are your thoughts on this? A woman who is dating around is still a single person. That she is dating several guys would be a clear indication that she is not committed to anyone but herself at the moment. It does not mean the right kind of guy can impress her to reconsider her status.
dreamergrl Posted August 5, 2009 Posted August 5, 2009 I obviously have complete control over other people's actions and what my girlfriend does at any given moment when I am not around. You obviously have control over what you do with women already spoken for. You're a walking double standard.
Lizzie60 Posted August 5, 2009 Posted August 5, 2009 Wrong?? says who? It's a free world... she's free to think and do what SHE wants..
Trialbyfire Posted August 5, 2009 Posted August 5, 2009 There are millions upon millions of single women/men out there, with no need to pursue or hook up with previously committed people. If you find previously committed people so much more attractive, you have to ask yourself why. The answer's within you, if you care to look hard enough. As for morality, you have to decide where you personally draw the line. Keep in mind that anyone who can be "stolen" or "taken" from someone else, can also be "stolen" or "taken" from you. People need to have ethics and boundaries and stick to them. Without your honour, what are you worth? Not much.
Author EddieN Posted August 5, 2009 Author Posted August 5, 2009 A woman who is dating around is still a single person. That she is dating several guys would be a clear indication that she is not committed to anyone but herself at the moment. It does not mean the right kind of guy can impress her to reconsider her status. I'm not talking about impressing a girl so much so that she wants a relationship. That might happen, but I'm not planning on it. As I mentioned before, I just mean casual dating. I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with a guy-hopper anyway, because I know that eventually she'd hop away from me. Wrong?? says who? It's a free world... she's free to think and do what SHE wants.. Ok.... Not sure what you're getting at...I'm not stopping her from doing whatever she wants. This thread is about whether it's really that logical to immediately back away once you hear about a boyfriend, not her personal freedoms.
Lizzie60 Posted August 5, 2009 Posted August 5, 2009 I'm not talking about impressing a girl so much so that she wants a relationship. That might happen, but I'm not planning on it. As I mentioned before, I just mean casual dating. I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with a guy-hopper anyway, because I know that eventually she'd hop away from me. Ok.... Not sure what you're getting at...I'm not stopping her from doing whatever she wants. This thread is about whether it's really that logical to immediately back away once you hear about a boyfriend, not her personal freedoms. No.. my point is .. go ahead.. pursue her...
whimsical_memory Posted August 5, 2009 Posted August 5, 2009 Yeah, now let's define what spoken for means. If I meet a girl at a pub, and she comes onto me, she's not "spoken" for. Actions speak louder than words, darlin'. I am not a double standard because I don't cheat. What others do is beyond my control. Seeing you repeatedly type this makes me both and . You may not be able to control OTHERS but you CAN control yourself. And if you cannot control yourself, you have no need to be dating anyone. Putting blinders on and refusing to see that you are doing wrong is what has so many posters frustrated with you. Whether you are the cheater, the cheatee, or the helper...you are STILL guilty of being a member of the cheating party.
Author EddieN Posted August 5, 2009 Author Posted August 5, 2009 There are millions upon millions of single women/men out there, with no need to pursue or hook up with previously committed people. If you find previously committed people so much more attractive, you have to ask yourself why. The answer's within you, if you care to look hard enough. As for morality, you have to decide where you personally draw the line. Keep in mind that anyone who can be "stolen" or "taken" from someone else, can also be "stolen" or "taken" from you. People need to have ethics and boundaries and stick to them. Without your honour, what are you worth? Not much. Millions? Not in my experience. I've yet to meet a girl who has come out and said she's single. She ALWAYS has some kind of attachment. And read the whole thread. My point is that what you call a boyfriend is not what other girls call a boyfriend. A boyfriend might be a committed partner to you, but to some other girl it might be just a guy she's been dating for a few weeks.
Trialbyfire Posted August 5, 2009 Posted August 5, 2009 Millions? Not in my experience. I've yet to meet a girl who has come out and said she's single. She ALWAYS has some kind of attachment.I wonder about people's environment, where there are no single people. Eddie, there are singles everywhere. There are thousands upon thousands on LS, alone! And read the whole thread. My point is that what you call a boyfriend is not what other girls call a boyfriend. A boyfriend might be a committed partner to you, but to some other girl it might be just a guy she's been dating for a few weeks.Why not ask outright, if you see a girl that looks interesting? Why be afraid to ask the question? And no, I'm not going to read the entire thread, for my own reasons.
sally4sara Posted August 5, 2009 Posted August 5, 2009 I'm not talking about impressing a girl so much so that she wants a relationship. That might happen, but I'm not planning on it. As I mentioned before, I just mean casual dating. I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with a guy-hopper anyway, because I know that eventually she'd hop away from me. Ok.... Not sure what you're getting at...I'm not stopping her from doing whatever she wants. This thread is about whether it's really that logical to immediately back away once you hear about a boyfriend, not her personal freedoms. Going out on a few dates with a few different guys to try and find one you like isn't "guy hopping". Do you expect a girl to know if she likes you enough to have a serious relationship with you after one date or after you ask for a first date or is she suppose to precog your intention before you ask her out? I'm not sure how the kids are doing it these days; can someone explain this one to me? I quoted what I'm getting at; where you talked about how every girl is either dating one guy or several guys. I am trying to point out that if she is dating several guys, she isn't a "girl with a BF".
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