sunshine401 Posted August 5, 2009 Posted August 5, 2009 This is the story of my LDR, I wasn't seeking for it, my job send me to Spain for two months, and there I meet this incredible guy. The strange part is that he didn't live in the same town I was staying, so for those two months we saw each other every two weeks, the entire weekend. We decided to start a relationship, even when I was gonna leave to a farther place (USA), back home. We decided he would take his vacations and come visit me, and I would go see him on Christmas break. We said goodbye a month ago, It has been a challenging experience, I miss him badly. We had talked every day since I left, always by msn, and some days we use skype. My problem right now is that he tells me that we don't need to talk each and every single day, that he sometimes has nothing to say, that spending one or two days without knowing about each other, shouldn't drive me crazy. I don't understand how he could think so different from me in this aspect. He still is very considerate, tells me what he's done, where he has been, and that he loves me. At the end he probably won't be coming for vacation, his boss won't let him. But I would be spending more then Christmas in Spain, my job will send me there for 3 months in November. Do you think I should stop being so needy, give him some space? I wish sometimes that he could be more affecionate, but he tells me this is the way he deals with Long Distance (he does the same with his family that lifes in the South America) Any advice?
OceansApart Posted August 5, 2009 Posted August 5, 2009 See this is what boggles my mind as well. When you are in a LDR and the only source to talk to spend time with each other is either Phone,Chat, or Cam. Especially so early on in the relationship. Is it not important to talk to each other everyday? Its important for me to know from my boyfriend even if its not a lengthy conversation. I am not there and I can't see if he is ok. You never know what the day may bring. I don't think its needy. I mean talking everyday doesn't mean you are stopping your life or anything. You just miss him, and he should be considerate to your feelings. But, also I think men are just different and think this way. Can any men answer this? -Em
aerogurl87 Posted August 5, 2009 Posted August 5, 2009 Yeah I think talking everyday is really important in a LDR! I mean my boyfriend have been together for 5 months and we still talk everyday because there is stuff he still doesn't know about me and that I don't know about him. Plus, it's the only way we have to stay close together since I'm not there with him. I mean maybe he doesn't see constant communication as being such a big thing as you do. So all I can say is talk to him and tell him how you feel about this.
Island Girl Posted August 5, 2009 Posted August 5, 2009 But, also I think men are just different and think this way. Can any men answer this? That isn't necessarily true. My husband is the exact opposite. He needs the contact.
Just Call Me Reba Posted August 5, 2009 Posted August 5, 2009 Every situation is different. I have never been one to talk on the phone...until my LDR. Sometimes its all you have. Trust me you are not alone in this issue. My s/o and I have been over this same conversation many times. However it came after two years of being together. He just up and said everyday was getting boring. He also pointed out that everytime he did call that our time was tied up talking about him not calling...so I gave it good thought...that made sense and the next thing I knew he was calling me everyday again. But this time I didn't hang on waiting like I had. I got really busy with things I liked to do...dropped my phone in the purse and did my thing. He began leaving messages frustrated saying....you want me to call but now you aren't there when I call you! LOL! I just told him I wasn't expecting him to call everyday...like he said he didn't want to and I didn't see a point in checking my phone every ten minutes for a call that might not be there. Um...he's been calling everyday since. And I rarely call him. Don't nag. or be needy....men really do not like that. They want some things to be their idea. I had something I typed here and removed it because if he ever comes on here and sees all my secrets, then I am toast...lol. Also remember to be the one to hang up first sometimes instead of staying on until the conversation goes no where. I have been guilty of always letting him decide when the conversation is over...because I love talking to him, but if you can let go first...especially during a really interesting conversation...then it prompts something to look forward to later. I recently began doing this and he will call back later...bringing up where we left off. Be subtle...if he's truely interested he will call.
Lovin a scrapper Posted August 5, 2009 Posted August 5, 2009 See this is what boggles my mind as well. When you are in a LDR and the only source to talk to spend time with each other is either Phone,Chat, or Cam. Especially so early on in the relationship. Is it not important to talk to each other everyday? Its important for me to know from my boyfriend even if its not a lengthy conversation. I am not there and I can't see if he is ok. You never know what the day may bring. I don't think its needy. I mean talking everyday doesn't mean you are stopping your life or anything. You just miss him, and he should be considerate to your feelings. But, also I think men are just different and think this way. Can any men answer this? -Em Im a guy and if you have read any of my posts you will know how I am when it comes to communication.
Author sunshine401 Posted August 5, 2009 Author Posted August 5, 2009 Thanks for the advice. I think I sometimes come to needy, I will try to stop that. I'm always the first one calling, is like a fear that if I don't call me, he won't call me back. It happened this weekend, we spent two days without talking, and he simply didn't call, I had to call him yesterday, and he just said, two days don't kill nobody, I still love ya, bla, bla... Sincerely, if it wasn't because in 3 months we will be seeing each other for a long time, then I would be thinking of walking out this relationship, sometimes I suffer to much, and I'm not used to it, and don't like the way he deals with it (way to different as my way of dealing). Thanks guys,
Rollercoasterr Posted August 5, 2009 Posted August 5, 2009 Im a guy and if you have read any of my posts you will know how I am when it comes to communication. You are also one of the sweetest and most considerate men I have ever known of in my life. Rayette is probably thinking of a cool way to knock you out and tattoo her name on your forehead or maybe brand you like cattle ranches do. Just sayin'.
Rollercoasterr Posted August 5, 2009 Posted August 5, 2009 Also, I don't really think that all men need space constantly and whatever it is that someone here said. SOME men do. Keep that in mind. I think it's crazy when people try and excuse plain old bad behavior as a gender thing. If you LOVE someone you're going to make effort. You might think it's tedious and boring to hear about the every day crap, but when you love that person you'd kill just to listen to the sound of their voice. So I think that everyone needs to remember that when they start on the whole "It's a MAN! They don't like communication!" kind of thing, because it's absolutely not true, at least when it comes to a man in love.
Author sunshine401 Posted August 6, 2009 Author Posted August 6, 2009 Well guys we just sort of broke this LDR, we are still boyfriend-girlfriend, but in weird terms (maybe we should take the titles off), we just decided to wait till me going to Spain for 3 months in November, and see how the relationship develops. But we are both quite frustrated, and can't seem to understand if this will ever work out, even when we love each other. He told me that talking every day to me, brings him way too much anxiety, that he wants to make thinks flow, without having the urge to talk everyday, being more friends than a couple. This sucks, not even sure I can survive 3 months, but I'm gonna try my bestest.
Bayern Posted August 6, 2009 Posted August 6, 2009 Advice? Respect his space. If I like a woman I would love to talk with them everyday (as long as I'm not the only one initiating conversation), but some people aren't like that. I actually purposely contact them one time and the next time they log onto MSN or whatever I let them contact me. If they don't want to talk that day, they don't. Luckily it's worked out awsome. As for you - again, just respect his space in this situation. I don't really understand his point of view and obviously you don't either, but it's just different with some people.
Lovin a scrapper Posted August 7, 2009 Posted August 7, 2009 You are also one of the sweetest and most considerate men I have ever known of in my life. Rayette is probably thinking of a cool way to knock you out and tattoo her name on your forehead or maybe brand you like cattle ranches do. Just sayin'. You are also one of the sweetest and most loving woman that I have ever met. Mathew is one lucky guy and he might think of some way of doing the same thing that you suggested Rayette did to me. She is here with me right now and I showed her this post and she loved it just as much I did. We would love a wedding invite even though we may not be able to attend. That may sound crazy but it would be pretty special to me.
AnnPod Posted August 7, 2009 Posted August 7, 2009 Well guys we just sort of broke this LDR, we are still boyfriend-girlfriend, but in weird terms (maybe we should take the titles off), we just decided to wait till me going to Spain for 3 months in November, and see how the relationship develops. But we are both quite frustrated, and can't seem to understand if this will ever work out, even when we love each other. He told me that talking every day to me, brings him way too much anxiety, that he wants to make thinks flow, without having the urge to talk everyday, being more friends than a couple. This sucks, not even sure I can survive 3 months, but I'm gonna try my bestest. Hm sounds this is fine for him, but what about you? And - as bad as this sounds - have you talked about meeting other people? I mean come on, what's the deal for him, you are gonna be there for some time in November. I kind of know this situation by myself, and if you are not the one who was suggesting this, then it can really upset you. So try to make some clear rules for that time. When my boyfriend suggested me to take a 'break' I was so shocked and devastated that I broke up with him. However, even though I always tried to get him out of my life completely, we were always in touch. At a certain point I said to him, 'alright, I know what I want, so figure out your stuff for god's sake, and no, I'm not gonna wait forever', but all this waiting and stuff gave me a very very hard time. After 5 very troubling months we decided to meet again (we are als transatlantic, so is not that easy), and we are back, but we were really giving each other a hard time.
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