Is it ever too late for NC?

[Wings Of Love]

I'm finally starting to realise that going NC is probably the only way I'm going to move on now. I would love to be able to rekindle what we once had, and I fooled myself into believing that if we remained friends, he might realise what he was missing and come back. Everyone, family, friends and strangers alike, have told me that NC is my best option. That he might one day decide I am the woman for him, or I might finally move on and find love elsewhere. Against my better judgement, I ignored them all. Now I know that by being his friend I am giving him everything a relationship needs, minus the intimate things, which he is getting from his latest girlfriend anyway. If I continue like this he will never have any need to return to me. I'm now aware that it is my own fault I am still feeling like this 6 months down the line.

 

What I'd like to know is, is cutting off contact now a good thing? Is it too late to have any hope whatsoever that he will return? Because despite knowing I should not be hoping, I cannot shake the feeling that one day he and I might be a 'we' again. It doesn't matter what people say, I have to be the one to realise it's a hopeless case, but I haven't quite reached that stage yet.

 

We have tried NC three times. The first time, he initiated it. Amazingly I was able to refrain from contacting him, but a mere four days later he broke it and contacted me. Since then he has always said he cannot bear to lose me, I mean too much to him. I don't even know how he feels anymore. Just yesterday he told me he'd love to have children with me...then just hours later he said he loved me like a sister. I have initiated NC twice. The first time I lasted two weeks, and he broke it by wishing me a happy birthday. And being a person with very little willpower, I gave in and we continued with our friendship. The second time I was even weaker, lasting just two days. I'm scared that I will not be strong enough and break NC again, which will take me straight back to square one.

 

Also, I made a promise to tell him if I ever planned to cut him out of my life. I know he has made and broken countless promises to me, but I don't want to stoop to that level. One of the things I improved about myself after we split up was to keep promises whenever possible. So is there anything I can say that will get across the message that I love him and want to be with him, but a friendship isn't helping me? Any ideas?

And will I look like a hypocrite? I told him I love his friendship (well, I do) and that I'd do everything in my power to remain friends. Will starting NC now make me look stupid?

[postalservice]

so he's got a girlfriend and you're there for him as well? How did he manage that one? You're being walked all over - first of all he tells you he won't talk to you, upsetting you a lot, and then he breaks that. More than once, but you're afraid to stop talking to him.

 

I understand that you're finding it hard to get over him, but I agree with your friends and family, i think you need to abandon all contact with him, at least for the time being. Why should you run around after him, in the hope that you'll get back together, when he loves you "like a sister". I understand that you're being like a sister to him atm, running around after him helping him with anything he needs, but at the end of the day, that's what a sister does, and the chances of him falling in love with "his sister" are veeeery low.

 

I think let this guy get on with his life without you, he doesn't deserve you, and you deserve not to be involved with him, but instead be out there getting over him and potentially meeting the man of your dreams, because let's be honest, he's out there, but you can't see him yet because you're still too busy looking at your ex.

 

Go and be strong! Soon he'll see what he's missing.

[BeSteady]

Not stupid, but self affirming. It is always wise to take care of yourself. He is likely not to comeback and if he does it will be that you are a confident and have a life of your own. Don't play into his ego and move on. NC

[Beeotch]

I don't think you should be worried about looking stupid.

 

If this "friendship" is doing more harm than good....walk away from it. If he is gaining more from it than you are...walk away from it.

 

Yes it may hurt him but so what? You are hurting as well while he has his gf and your friendship and is quite content. Why should he have all the happiness? He will be fine.

 

I think a lot of times in break ups we think about the other persons feelings too much not realizing that wait....they do not really care about ours. We are giving way more than they are and for what?

 

If you feel you need to cut him off to feel better...do that or at least do limited contact where you speak to him every now and again but not daily or even weekly and no hanging out and all that.

 

You pretty much made sense of the situation so you know what you need to do but are perhaps reluctant to do it because of the hope you have. Hope is the hardest to extinguish but NC does help with that. I am not yet 100% there where I never dream of reconciliation but I am at the place where it is not blinding me and where I can actually rationally think about more reasons NOT to reconcile, where it is not my main concern and where I can actually think of other men in my future besides ex.

[NightLord1]

He said he would like to have kids with you one day and then he turns around and says he "loves you like a sister"?

 

This my dear is classic mind manipulation by a guy who believes he has you wrapped around his little finger and is taking advantage of it.

 

He can't deal with the NC because you are ALWAYS there for him when HE needs you to be there for him. He is getting the intimacy, the attraction, and all the passion with his new chic while he comes to you for the "friendship" part.

 

Most guys only keep women as friends because when they are "dry" and have nothing else going on they usually turn to these friends that are girls to try and get lucky. Sure maybe some guys have genuine friendships with their exes but at the core of it a dude is still a dude and this one seems no different.

 

Cut him off completely and if he gets a hold of you ignore it and move on.

 

If he comes banging on your door at 12 at night confessing his undying love for you then maybe he will mean it. Otherwise text messages, friendly phone banter, and "coffee meet ups" are simply just stringing you along.

 

Regards