Green Posted August 5, 2009 Posted August 5, 2009 I approached a girl in class once because she gave me all the signals in my opinion and then she turned me down and even told other girls that I had awkwardly asked her out and they thought it was uncool of me. So yes it does happen where women will try and shame you for asking them out or what ever. But on the flip side the girl who I currently date who I am in love with and plan to one day Marry is also a girl I met in class. I didn't know her before I met her and I had no business to be talking to her. My class was big and she didn't even sit in the same row or anything but after I noticed her I just couldn't stop thinking how pretty she was. I just walked up to her out of no where she didn't even know my name or notice me before that day and I asked her if she wanted to come to a party with me. She gave me her number and actualy turned me down for the party but we kept talking ended up going out on dates and we've been dating for almost a year and we are really happy. The point of my personal story is that if I had just used the many times girls rejected me or gave me dirty looks as an oportunity to give up I wouldn't have the great girl in my life that I do now. Realisticly yes you might ruin your oportunities with some girls if you come off as a creep to there friends but its worth the risk and you should try to do it in a smooth confident way but just doing it is better then not doing it. Good luck and oh yeah the trick in my life that I think made finding a girl friend easier was I didn't look at it as work I tried to look at it as something fun going out there and flirting with girls and getting to know them and them getting to know me. Oh and if your lucky enough to find a girl you are super attracted to like a love at first sight situation it should help boost your confidence levels ... so just go with it
spywell Posted August 5, 2009 Posted August 5, 2009 a) Is this normal for me not to notice any girl looking at me or showing interest in anyway? b) What do girls (18-22 years old) normally do when they see a guy they think is physically attractive? c) How can I tell if a girl I see is physically attracted to me? d) What is an appropriate way to talk to her if I think she likes me and I like her? Alright here are your answers: a) Is this normal for me not to notice any girl looking at me or showing interest in anyway? Yes and No, I have some Oakley Sunglasses and I ALWAYS notice women taking long awkward stares at me when they think I dont see them. b) What do girls (18-22 years old) normally do when they see a guy they think is physically attractive? They Stare! and they talk to their friend who stares. Then they act like doe's meaning one stares other looks around then they switch where the other stares and they are normally chatting the whole time. c) How can I tell if a girl I see is physically attracted to me? You dont know; thats the gamble you take. d) What is an appropriate way to talk to her if I think she likes me and I like her? Just walk up to her, maintain eye contact to make her uncomfortable so that she talks quickly and without thinking. Just be yourself. Good pointers include bringing your friends and wear sunglasses! Your friends will notice her looking at you and provide you feedback. This happens to me often while I am with my gf and my gf notices and sometimes gets very angry/protective. Preston
Sam Spade Posted August 5, 2009 Posted August 5, 2009 they become giddy and act like school girls. Giggling and tossing their locks, and having trouble to compose a sentence.
Hkizzle Posted August 6, 2009 Posted August 6, 2009 I'm not trying to make excuses. I really appreciate the help and really want it. I'm just saying that it seems so hard to approach a girl in the daytime in a place that's not a social setting. I've heard from many that college girls are weary of any guy they meet in an encounter like that. Instead, they only trust guys who they meet through their friends. They don't want to or need to get approached in the student center or library. Believe me, I've tried, but nearly every time the girl acts really pissed as soon as I say "Hi." 6 months ago or so I approached this girl in the student center reading who I had seen around campus. She was incredibly cold to me, so I took the hint and left in 10 seconds or so. That wasn't just a simple rejection. I can take a simple rejection fine, I've done it many times before. Instead, this is what happened - she was part of the women's field hockey team. Until that say any of those girls seemed warm to me...you know, they wouldn't avoid me and would smile at me if I smiled. Then after I approached this girl, every one of them has scowled at me whenever they see me. I didn't say anything creepy to this girl, just simple small talk with a welcoming smile. I don't just get rejected by one girl, but instead I establish a negative reputation with an entire group of girls, some of which could have been opportunities for all I know. This is why I think it's so taboo to approach a girl in college like this. It's so out of the ordinary because people have their cliques and meet plenty of the opposite gender that way. It seems to me like I'm stuck in this vicious cycle and can never break through. The process of changing yourself takes years dude. You want a magic bullet which isn't going to happen, and like I said you're trying too hard and it's showing. First of all you don't approach a girl in the day and say hi........ Saying "hi" implies, "I have an agenda". Instead sit down for a while, relax, then go straight into something random topic. You said you've read the PUA books, yet they will never suggest saying hi.
Mr. DNA Posted August 6, 2009 Posted August 6, 2009 I work at a bar in a college town with tons of 18-24 year old girls, and honestly, I'm realizing that 98% of them are insanely, pathologically insecure and more anxious than a farsighted chainsaw juggler. The other 2% are precocious, intelligent, well-spoken, charismatic and usually well-traveled. I'm fortunate enough to have met one. Anyway, as for the other 98%, I'll try to start friendly conversations with them when I'm checking their IDs or pouring them drinks (or water/diet pepsi, depending on age), and lots of them can't even make eye contact with me, even when talking. They scatter like pigeons in the park if you so much as glance in their direction for more than a second. If they're not responding to or acknowledging you, it's probably not because of something you specifically did. I don't feel bummed out if they walk out of my life - would I really want to be involved with anyone who's scared of their own shadow? Also, if a woman is being cold or unresponsive, you must remind yourself that it's highly likely it has nothing to do with you. She may have had an argument with her parents or a $600 auto repair bill earlier that day. Also, it's good to have "guy habits," (going to the gym, motorcycles, travelling, music, rock-climbing) not just to get you out of the house, but also for conversation material, social opportunities, self-improvement, and overall confidence. I'm starting school in another two weeks - it's going to be the most fun I've ever had.
Author EddieN Posted August 7, 2009 Author Posted August 7, 2009 I found this really good kind of confidence today and last night. I make these posts when I'm alone and stuck at home. I get lonely and a bit depressed because I feel like I'm trapped. When I'm out and around people, I feel great, because I succeed. No, I don't go up to a girl, get her to be attracted to me, and make a date. I don't necessarily want that. What I want I already have, I just seem to easily forget that when in solitude. Today and last night I realized what I have going for me and that anyone who's worth anything to me will realize that just by looking at me. My problem isn't me. I'm great. My problem is my perception. I overestimate people in every way possible. I assume that they think they're on the top of the world and are looking down on everyone. I don't see them that way, but I believe that they themselves see themselves in that fashion. 99% of people don't see themselves in that respect. Certainly not everyone, but many people regard me highly. Until today, I felt like one girl I had my eye on in class was snubbing me and thought I was beneath her. Turns out I was completely wrong - she found me to be very intelligent and articulate in class, and was intimidated by me. When I try too hard and approach a girl in a way that isn't natural, then I don't come off as the intelligent and creative guy I am - I'm just some dude hitting on a chick because he's horny. When I'm in my element and am simply being myself, I attract girls. I'm just too blunt to realize it and most of the time never bother to break the ice. The only thing I underestimate with girls is their ability to see what a guy is seeing. Last night I was out with my brother, his girlfriend, and one of her friends. I was talking to the friend, eye to eye, and in the background I noticed a hot woman in a purple dress. I swear, my eyes only made a slight change of angle. I was still essentially looking at the friend. She then grinned and said, "Got the hots for that girl in the purple dress, huh?" I then realized that women are amazing at knowing what a guy is looking at. I then thought back to times when I was talking with girls and unknowingly let my eyes wander to another girl. What did I learn? When I'm talking to a girl, FOCUS ONLY ON HER...because she'll know otherwise.
Isolde Posted August 7, 2009 Posted August 7, 2009 Sounds like you're getting there. Be patient with yourself, eh? Only thing I dont' agree with is when you said that anyone who's worth it will see your qualities just by looking at you. That doesn't happen usually. It takes time to develop a crush. I can be around a nice, hot guy, but barring exceptional chemistry, I don't just develop a crush just because he's cute and nice.
Author EddieN Posted August 7, 2009 Author Posted August 7, 2009 I didn't necessarily mean instantly. I don't expect anyone to take one look at me and see me for what I am. If they spend many days around me when I'm in my element, though, then I don't think there's any reason for them to dislike me.
alphamale Posted August 7, 2009 Posted August 7, 2009 a) Is this normal for me not to notice any girl looking at me or showing interest in anyway? yes, many women will look at you when you're not looking. the majority of women clam up when they see a guy they like. the more aggressive ones will look and smile or even approach you (but this is rare) b) What do girls (18-22 years old) normally do when they see a guy they think is physically attractive? probably get scared and ignore you c) How can I tell if a girl I see is physically attracted to me? there are many other body language cues that are give aways besides looking and smiling. there are many books on sexual body language. d) What is an appropriate way to talk to her if I think she likes me and I like her? it depends on the girl
Sam Spade Posted August 7, 2009 Posted August 7, 2009 I didn't necessarily mean instantly. I don't expect anyone to take one look at me and see me for what I am. If they spend many days around me when I'm in my element, though, then I don't think there's any reason for them to dislike me. I've felt this way multiple times. To make things worse, I'm a foreigner (albeit from civilised Europe, and here 9 years), in a relatively prestigious profession that only 2% of the population are qualified for. Style is off the charts, looks and money and attidude are just fine too (with the requisite measure of quirkiness, but nothing weird). So basically I should be fending chicks off with a stick. To my surprise, this is not the case and over the years I've concluded that the average US girl is simply not interested in broadening her horisons to make space for an undeniably glamorous dude. I understand that, there are not surprises with the homegrown variety. So, after analysing the issue, I concluded that cute and traditional asian girl seems to be the natural choice for me (which is how I found myself in a happy relationship). I have no patience to expend energy dating to look up the aforementioned 2% educated, and traveled, and worldly women who'd be a natural match for me and would "instantly" undersdand that I'm da bomb . I'd rather make my current girl happy and focus on my plans for world domination instead .
alphamale Posted August 7, 2009 Posted August 7, 2009 I have no patience to expend energy dating to look up the aforementioned 2% educated, and traveled, and worldly women who'd be a natural match for me and would "instantly" undersdand that I'm da bomb . . dude, you're not "da bomb"
Sam Spade Posted August 7, 2009 Posted August 7, 2009 dude, you're not "da bomb" Relative to you I am for sure . Dating in the Deep, DEEP, South is far more challenging and unsatisfying than in Chicago, yet somehow I'm all set in the girlfriend department . Until you learn to shoot fish in a barrell (which is the enviable situation you are currently in), please refrain from ad hominem attacks or else Uncle Sam will kick yo' ass with his justin ropers.
boogieboy Posted August 7, 2009 Posted August 7, 2009 Until today, I felt like one girl I had my eye on in class was snubbing me and thought I was beneath her. Turns out I was completely wrong - she found me to be very intelligent and articulate in class, and was intimidated by me. What does all this mean, did you talk to her and get a number???
Author EddieN Posted August 7, 2009 Author Posted August 7, 2009 What does all this mean, did you talk to her and get a number??? Nope, I just read her mind.
Hkizzle Posted August 7, 2009 Posted August 7, 2009 I then realized that women are amazing at knowing what a guy is looking at. I then thought back to times when I was talking with girls and unknowingly let my eyes wander to another girl. What did I learn? When I'm talking to a girl, FOCUS ONLY ON HER...because she'll know otherwise. I used to have this friend with really big tits, and I used to find myself talking to her tits. I used to think how she must have hated that, haha.
Author EddieN Posted August 7, 2009 Author Posted August 7, 2009 I used to have this friend with really big tits, and I used to find myself talking to her tits. I used to think how she must have hated that, haha. Oh crap, you're not supposed to talk to the tits? I thought that's where a woman's eyes are. I always wondered why they were so pointy and erect...
alphamale Posted August 7, 2009 Posted August 7, 2009 Oh crap, you're not supposed to talk to the tits? I thought that's where a woman's eyes are. I always wondered why they were so pointy and erect... no wonder you're not getting laid
dreamergrl Posted August 7, 2009 Posted August 7, 2009 Sometimes I get nervous around attractive men (especially ones that I've just met), fumble for words, blush, have a hard time making eye contact. Silly me.
Author EddieN Posted August 7, 2009 Author Posted August 7, 2009 no wonder you're not getting laid Oh, maybe...also...is it bad to say to a girl I just met, "I wanna be inside you." I thought that was okay but I've generally been getting some negative reactions. So what r u gonna do now?? I'll do whatever I do.
dreamergrl Posted August 7, 2009 Posted August 7, 2009 Sometimes I get nervous around attractive men (especially ones that I've just met), fumble for words, blush, have a hard time making eye contact. Silly me. I'd like to add.... That my shyness was often misread for being stuck up. I lacked confidence also... I gave off the 'I don't like you signals' and didn't even realize it. I'm getting better though. But I have no tactic for getting those attractive guys to notice me.
gypsy_nicky Posted August 7, 2009 Posted August 7, 2009 IMO I feel that it goes the same way for women as for men-they get hella intimidated by attractive men (they act all strange, no eye contact, become snobbish etc etc). Also, I think women are a lot more cautious around the attractive ones defenses start going up. I also see a lot of that negging thing going on, so its not only men that do it. I have some male friends that are very attractive (I'm not talking about high average attractive but really attractive) and are most often admired by women from a distance. Usually its only the women who are at par in looks that are able to handle their own from what I see, i.e they don't get insecure/threatened. As far as same sex friends go, some of my other male friends who aren't very blessed or average get all insecure, what I usually see them doing is what I've read on PUA material- I think its called AMOGING, when women are around. I have no problem with them as long as they stay away from the girl I'm currently with.
Recommended Posts