GreenEyedLady Posted August 5, 2009 Posted August 5, 2009 It is not in me to betray someone I love or have loved. I have never cheated. I just leave. GEL
Holding-On Posted August 5, 2009 Posted August 5, 2009 I only read the original post.. so maybe this has been said... You can ONLY be sure about yourself.. you CANNOT be 100% about your partner. So, in my case, I've never cheated.. but I can and will never say that I am totally, 100% certain my partners never did.. I guess I'm only bumping the thread at this point but ditto. This is exactly what I was thinking. I would add that I am faithful to my vows/agreements as they were made.
OWoman Posted August 6, 2009 Posted August 6, 2009 I would add that I am faithful to my vows/agreements as they were made. Me too. If an agreement needs to change, I'd renegotiate. I'm not monogamous by nature - that's always been the agreement, upfront - but am currently in my first completely exclusive R. Not my decree - but by choice. It's just worked out that way.
Gamine Posted August 6, 2009 Posted August 6, 2009 Me too. If an agreement needs to change, I'd renegotiate. I'm not monogamous by nature - that's always been the agreement, upfront - but am currently in my first completely exclusive R. Not my decree - but by choice. It's just worked out that way. But isn't that, with all sincerity, the option that all have? Fidelity is a choice backed by action. Unless marriage is relabeled as slavery or indentured servitude, fidelity remains a choice... always.
White Flower Posted August 9, 2009 Posted August 9, 2009 I know that seems like a stupid question since the forum is about OW/OM. But we have people from all over posting here, so I thought I would ask. I have never broken vows. When I was involved with a MM, I wasn't married, he was. I don't consider that 'cheating' on my part. I have never dated or married anyone who cheated. I see a lot of times a poster who is involved in an extramariatal affair say "well, my spouse cheated too" almost as if that is justification. I am trying very hard to not be too judgmental; because everyone is judgmental in their beliefs and I won't be a hypocrite and say I am not judgemental. But in this case, I don't intend to come off as judgemental. Just reallly curious. I am finding out that infidelity isn't as uncommon as I thought it was Maybe I am just naive or something. Have you been involved/married and cheated on that person ~ either a PA or an EA? If so, why did you cheat? Is it over? If so, why is it over? Did you end it or did the other person? Hi fooled once, good question! As for those who claim to justify an A because their spouse did, well that is not really a good reason to cheat; however, it turns out that many who have been cheated on and thought they never would partake in an A are surprised when they do end up in one. Some of us become very perplexed over this, actually. I was always pleasantly naive as well. Until I found myself involved in an A, I really saw the world through rose-colored glasses. I believe many of the posters on this thread are seeing it that way too and I hope they continue to do so for as long as they can. I could persist on showing them reality, but it is just too harsh actually. My rose-colored view changed when I began confiding to my friends about my A. I was astonished to find that EACH AND EVERY ONE of my confidants had been involved in an A in one way or another, even my sister! This was the most unbelievable. Oh, and one of my church-going friends, so hard to believe. Even on my father's death bed, he confided to my sister that my mother had cheated on him once. I guess that would be tops, actually. I knew none of this before the age of 45 so if you live long enough and keep your eyes open you will find that no generation lived without infidelity. We're just so ashamed of it as a society that we don't talk about it; we cover it up to protect each other from the harsh reality. So I suggest if you want to know the truth, accept it. Otherwise, put on those rosy glasses and enjoy the innocence for as long as you can.
Thaddeus Posted August 9, 2009 Posted August 9, 2009 With my first wife, we were both 100% faithful to each other. My second wife had an online dalliance and eventually left me and moved in with him. As far as I know, she's still making his life a living hell. Serves them both right. One girlfriend cheated on me (that I know of - if others did, I didn't find out about it).
Stung Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 I was in a couple of open relationships several years ago in my experimental years, but always abided by mutually agreed-upon rules. I have dated a couple of people at the same time while still testing the waters in the early days, but I have always been completely faithful within relationships. Currently I am about to marry my live-in partner of 4 years, with whom I have an infant son and am co-parenting his daughter from a previous gf. It will be a first marriage for both of us (in our 30s). Like Lizzie said, I suppose you can never be 100% but I can tell you I'd be absolutely gobsmacked to find out he'd even flirted with another woman at this point. I'm 99.99% certain he's never cheated on me and nearly as certain he never will. Perhaps some of my certainty comes from the fact that we have both experienced many different kinds of relationships already and learned our lessons, likes, and limits well. I was cheated on once that I know of for sure, and probably one other time, both times waaaaay back in my college years. I also dated a MM back then, for a few months...actually he was engaged, and highly manipulative, but after he married I broke it off. I hated that whole experience and have never/will never repeat it, the guilt was terrible at the time and I have thankfully grown since then. All of those situations feel like they took place in another lifetime, or happened to someone only distantly related to me and much more prone to drama . I was a serial monogamist for many years and to the best of my knowlege, the majority of those relationships were faithful on both sides, even in their end stages.
Tsuki no Michi Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 I was unfaithful once, though I was already separated from my spouse and trying to make sure I really wanted to proceed with the divorce or give it one more try. The A simply sealed my decision. As for percentages of people who have an affair, most reliable research that has been done on it puts the number somewhere between 40-60% of all people (the numbers are about the same for both male and female so it's not just a "guy thing" like some people believe). Granted, this is hard to prove since most people also will not admit publicly their unfaithfulness. The only time they tend to be honest seems to be when protected by anonymity, thus the common perception that affairs are less common than they actually are. TNM
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