lookingfwd Posted August 4, 2009 Posted August 4, 2009 It's my ex's bday tomorrow. (recap: we broke up a v. serious rel. three months ago bc we were fighting more than normal and he couldn't take it anymore. We discussed the possibility of reuniting in a few months after I deal with unresolved issues from my past, but did not commit to anything. I'm working these issues in therapy but also miss him tremendously and would love to have us back.) We have been pretty much NC the last two months but this past wkd he asked me to watch his dog. When he came to pick him up Sunday, he stayed for four hours and we caught up. It was obvious that we both still have feelings for one another we are restraining. The conversation felt comfortable so I spontaneously asked him what he was doing for his bday Wed. He said probably nothing, so I mentioned the bday certificate I received for our favorite restaurant (they send a $50 bday card). He seemed excited, and said he'd get back to me. He just emailed me now, that he'd forgotten his friend from out of town leaves Thursday so he wants to try to see him Wed. I know this is for a fact true. He said thanks for the invite and thanks again for watching the dog. I want to suggest having dinner another night but don't want to pressure him. Birthdays were always a big deal for us as a couple. My male friend said if he wanted to, he would have suggested another night himself & he is probably not ready for that type of thing. Maybe so, but the hopeful/hopeless part of me wonders if I take the plunge and ask him to go another evening, he will agree and we will be on our way forward. Yet another part of me thinks it's way too soon. We are both holding back, and I'm really confused. Thanks for your support.
boogieboy Posted August 4, 2009 Posted August 4, 2009 STop contacting him, youre playing with his head. Stop contacting him unless you are sure you want to get back together. Its torture for both of you to keep restraining yourselves. Leave him alone until you figure this out.
Author lookingfwd Posted August 4, 2009 Author Posted August 4, 2009 Oops, in case it wasn't clear - I definitely want to get back together! He broke it off. I want nothing more in the world than to be with him right now, but I think he would only be open to it if some things change about our relationship. I don't have the guts to talk about my feelings yet because I'm afraid he's not ready to revisit us and I don't want to ruin any real chances we might have.
boogieboy Posted August 4, 2009 Posted August 4, 2009 To be honest with you, the issues you have, from what I know, I wouldnt revisit that. If he knows even more, why would he want to go back to a woman who has trust issues that he can do nothing about?
Author lookingfwd Posted August 4, 2009 Author Posted August 4, 2009 Well, I'd say because I *am* doing something about them. Aside from those issues, we had a wonderfully caring and loving relationship. We have similar morals, values, beliefs and goals. I was close with his family and friends as was he to mine. We shared three dogs and spent almost every night together, almost always peacefully. I know he is devastated to lose me, but he had to step away bc we were at the point where we either went forward or back and nothing was changing with my trust issues. I am doing everything I can for myself, and feel a lot better already. I really feel I can trust him. I also know that if I couldn't, I am confident enough to find someone whom I can, because I trust myself. But he's a wonderful man and I don't want to lose him. He knows I'm working on things. He originally seemed open to the bday dinner. He has a legitimate reason he can't go, and I feel that I should try again if I want to prove myself. Is this erroneous thinking? I'm struggling between knowing I have to step it up if I want this guy, and seeming overbearing by asking him to spend time with me.
BeSteady Posted August 4, 2009 Posted August 4, 2009 Legitimate yes but if he wanted to be with you he find a way. What issues you have likely has not be fixed yet. let it go.
boogieboy Posted August 4, 2009 Posted August 4, 2009 Well, I'd say because I *am* doing something about them. Aside from those issues, we had a wonderfully caring and loving relationship. We have similar morals, values, beliefs and goals. I was close with his family and friends as was he to mine. We shared three dogs and spent almost every night together, almost always peacefully. I know he is devastated to lose me, but he had to step away bc we were at the point where we either went forward or back and nothing was changing with my trust issues. I am doing everything I can for myself, and feel a lot better already. I really feel I can trust him. I also know that if I couldn't, I am confident enough to find someone whom I can, because I trust myself. But he's a wonderful man and I don't want to lose him. He knows I'm working on things. He originally seemed open to the bday dinner. He has a legitimate reason he can't go, and I feel that I should try again if I want to prove myself. Is this erroneous thinking? I'm struggling between knowing I have to step it up if I want this guy, and seeming overbearing by asking him to spend time with me. Well in that case, all you can do is convey to him when you meet up that you are over your trust issues, and you want to work it out. Be prepared for his apprehension though, he might have checked out already from all the hurt.
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