tigressA Posted August 4, 2009 Posted August 4, 2009 I read this the other day and it described my most recent relationship to a T. Have you ever had The Ick? Do you agree with the author's saying that it's terminal? http://www.glamour.com/sex-love-life/blogs/smitten/2009/08/afternoon-confessional-introdu.html
Hkizzle Posted August 4, 2009 Posted August 4, 2009 I started a thread about this a few days ago about nice guys. The basic instinct of a woman is to find a strong man, not necessarily a nice guy. Of course women want their men to be nice to them, but if a man is subservient then she's going to lose interest. Think of it in caveman sense. A subservient man is more likely to be bullied by the other men and eaten by a sabre toothed tiger. He's not going to be helpful in helping her and her offspring surive. So the losing interest part is highly instinctive.
Thornton Posted August 4, 2009 Posted August 4, 2009 Yep, I have had The Ick many times. As the article said, it's usually a guy who you weren't totally smitten with in the first place, someone who's a bit wet behind the ears, a "yes man"... then he becomes like your brother, and although you may still like him in a friendly non-sexual way you just feel bleurgh at the idea of doing anything physical with him. I usually find it happens with guys who are too nice and who aren't much of a man, who have no sex drive - I don't want a nicey-nice guy who says please, I want a guy who will throw me on the bed and ravish me - guys who cause The Ick usually have no passion. I also have never known a woman to recover from The Ick, it's pretty much the death knell for any relationship.
sally4sara Posted August 4, 2009 Posted August 4, 2009 Oh yeah, my friends and I referred to it as the "ick vibe"; maybe I know the author? When I was single with no particular guy I had my sights on, I would date a few at a time (no hiding it either). In the initial stages they would all be fairly equal in my eyes, but the "ick vibe" would help me weed them out. I'll give an example: I was working in a large office building when one of the security guards let me know a freelance IT fella had been asking about me. I had seen him around many times and knew he had briefly dated a girl who worked for the company but didn't work with me. We had lunch and all was cool. We had a lite dinner after work and still all was fine. I asked him about the girl at my work and why it didn't work out. He said they got along fine but she was chubby. I didn't think she qualified as chubby but was a tish bigger than I was so I just shrugged and didn't say much. He then went into great detail about her physical flaws. This gave me the "ick" because I wondered why he would be so disrespectful when he said they had otherwise gotten along fine. It let me know that if he and I dated for any sort of length and then didn't work out he would have no qualms about sharing personal details with any of my co-workers. Major Ick!
Teslacoil Posted August 4, 2009 Posted August 4, 2009 Sally4Sara, with all respect, I think your reasons for leaving the guy you did don't have anything to do with "The Ick". I think you picked up on an awesome reason not to date this guy, and then ditched him, which sounds really smart. As to this original article, I hate this: 3) You were never that attracted to him to begin with. This happens to me A LOT. I’ll start dating a guy out of boredom or because I’m trying to be nice, but there’s no chemistry at all. I end up feeling trapped and cowardly, getting the Ick, and taking it out on him until I have the guts to leave. Why the hell would you date a guy "out of boredom" or "just to be nice"? Furthermore, why would you then, feeling trapped and cowardly, "take it out on him"? The person who wrote this article demonstrates a many traits I've hated with women I've dated. If you're dating me "just to be nice", do me a favor and don't date me in the first place. Sorry I'm a sensitive guy, I get attached. Why put a guy though an emotional roller-coaster just because "you're bored". Then, make the guy feel extra bad, and treat him like crap because you are feeling "trapped". Thank god I haven't had to date in a long time. This woman gives me the "Ughs". I'll call that the guy equivalent to the "Icks".
sally4sara Posted August 4, 2009 Posted August 4, 2009 Sally4Sara, with all respect, I think your reasons for leaving the guy you did don't have anything to do with "The Ick". I think you picked up on an awesome reason not to date this guy, and then ditched him, which sounds really smart. As to this original article, I hate this: Why the hell would you date a guy "out of boredom" or "just to be nice"? Furthermore, why would you then, feeling trapped and cowardly, "take it out on him"? The person who wrote this article demonstrates a many traits I've hated with women I've dated. If you're dating me "just to be nice", do me a favor and don't date me in the first place. Sorry I'm a sensitive guy, I get attached. Why put a guy though an emotional roller-coaster just because "you're bored". Then, make the guy feel extra bad, and treat him like crap because you are feeling "trapped". Thank god I haven't had to date in a long time. This woman gives me the "Ughs". I'll call that the guy equivalent to the "Icks". Well I read the article and it didn't make any sense to me either as to why one would date someone they felt zero attraction for or no interest in at all. But the reason why I dropped the guy in my example IS due to what my friends and I called "ick vibe". You are mildly attracted. You DO find them sorta interesting...... till they say or do something "ick". Like take you on the first date....to their mother's house to spend the day on her boat with him, his ma, and his hated step dad till they get in a screaming match and he wants o leave in a tantrumy huff! ICK! At least my ick makes sense.
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