anne1707 Posted August 5, 2009 Posted August 5, 2009 she wants either me...or another female friend of ours to make a move on him when she leaves the room. Then she will walk back in to see if he took the bait and makes out with one of us or something. OK so if you (or the other friend) goes through with this then there are two different scenarios for YOU to deal with: 1. He does respond and wants to make out with you - you therefore in this plan have to go along with this. You would end up making out with your friend's boyfriend. Under these circumstances, this to me is almost like prostituting yourself (but without the money changing hands). How do you deal with that lack of respect in yourself? What happens if others find out what you have done? What will they think about you? Will your friend drop you because she associates you now with making out with her boyfriend? 2. He rejects you. Great for your friend but not for you. Still issues about respect as mentioned above but then how can you and the girlfriend remain friends. I am quite sure the boyfriend will not feel comfortable with you around if you have tried to come on to him whatever the reasoning. Ofcourse thats assuming he would want to stay around knowing that his girlfriend has tested him like this. My friend said according to a book she read, people normally do this before getting married or if they are very serious. Anyone hear of this before??? I think you can see clearly from reactions here that the majority do not think this is something to be done before (or after!) getting married. To be honest, I think it is cruel, pathetic and juvenile - not a great recipe for success in a relationship.
stuckinoz Posted August 5, 2009 Posted August 5, 2009 Many of the posters said it was "bad" and called her names but they didn't give any reasons for it except it seems she doesn't trust him. Okay, so she doesn't? Wouldn't this confirm her trust if he passes and couldn't she break up if he fails? Why would he cheat anyway? If he loves her as much as she says, what's the problem? He'll just say "sorry, I'm committed" and then that's that. She realizes he's in it for her = she loves him more. Perhaps this woman is not a trusting person by nature....What's the point in CONFIRMING something that you don't have any firm knowledge OF?..............AND If you have said firm knowledge OF - why in hells name stay with him. What's the point in tricking him into 'making out - etc.' with another woman (& I use the word woman loosely - This person seems extremely immature) I think it could be a great idea.. if a woman cheats and wants HER husband to leave instead of her (for some reason)... she can set him up.. catch him.. divorce.. then be with her lover.. mooouahahahaha Different scenario........THIS on the other hand pretty damn good idea!
Trialbyfire Posted August 5, 2009 Posted August 5, 2009 Honestly, I don't see what's so bad about the scenario, to tell you the truth. I would tell her to go for it and see what happens- it's a win/win for her. She can keep him because he's actually there for her and good on his word OR she can dump him. Many of the posters said it was "bad" and called her names but they didn't give any reasons for it except it seems she doesn't trust him. Okay, so she doesn't? Wouldn't this confirm her trust if he passes and couldn't she break up if he fails? Why would he cheat anyway? If he loves her as much as she says, what's the problem? He'll just say "sorry, I'm committed" and then that's that. She realizes he's in it for her = she loves him more. I say go for it.I don't have a problem with any form of research or testing for cheating, IF someone gets that gut instinct bad feeling. Better to get some facts, rather than walk away from something that might or might not be true. Getting facts will help to mitigate any personal concerns so you can definitively take action, one way or the other. I will say once again, her methodology is crude and her testing isn't based on any behavioural changes or gut instinct feelings about her b/f. I'm uncertain why she would feel the need to do this, based on what the OP has clarified and stated. On the otherhand, the OP doesn't live in her friend's mind, therefore, can't know everything she's experiencing.
boldjack Posted August 5, 2009 Posted August 5, 2009 EV, thanks for the clarifications, and I think you are wise to have nothing to do with this disgusting plan. I can't think of too many women of integrity, who would be willing to delibrately ambush a nice guy, in this manner. It says way more about your friend, than it does about the man. Maybe you should warn the guy, so he knows what a lying, decieving person your "friend", really is.
zilverenvlinder Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 The only time I think this would be OK is if he cheated on her in the past and she was testing his faithfulness to see if he would do it again. But if he's been a good bf, it's just silly and rude.
SpanksTheMonkey Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 I agree with TBF even tho it seams the unpopular opinion here tho I would wonder if the bf wouldn't be smart enough to catch on to what was happening. Or to do that when the gf was even in the vicinity in short I agree with testing some one but this manner is a little crude and could easily backfire whats wrong with testing a supposedly committed partner? Some of you are saying its entrapment so that means the poor helpless bf cant show some self control and commitment and turn down the advances? That some how its the gfs fault that horrible bitch mind you if HE goes for it? just because it was waved in front of his face? Meh figures thats what society has come to now days its never MY fault its every one else's they made me do it it was entrapment give me a break...
LucreziaBorgia Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 The only fail I predict is the FAIL that comes when he finds out what she is doing (or did, if it was after the fact). If I thought someone was setting me up, I'd just leave them. Its as simple as that.
JohnnyBlaze Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 Honestly, I don't see what's so bad about the scenario, to tell you the truth. I would tell her to go for it and see what happens- it's a win/win for her. She can keep him because he's actually there for her and good on his word OR she can dump him. Many of the posters said it was "bad" and called her names but they didn't give any reasons for it except it seems she doesn't trust him. Okay, so she doesn't? Wouldn't this confirm her trust if he passes and couldn't she break up if he fails? Why would he cheat anyway? If he loves her as much as she says, what's the problem? He'll just say "sorry, I'm committed" and then that's that. She realizes he's in it for her = she loves him more. I say go for it. But once he finds out (and people always do), she's just effectively said to him "I don't trust you". And, as both myself and others have said before, when he finds out, there's a strong chance he'll dump her, so it's not a "win/win" for her. A big part of a relationship is trust, and she's saying already that she doesn't trust him, regardless of the fact that there is no basis for this mistrust. If she's seriously considering this "test", she should just tell him right now that she's not ready for marriage, because she's obviously not. He might wait for her or he might leave her to find someone else who is ready, but that's a risk she'll have to take. Besides, how would she feel if it backfired and he and the girl she set him up with hit it off? EV, I think your best bet is to just steer clear of this one. Pass or fail, this one's a ticking time bomb, and you don't want to be anywhere near it when it goes off.
overpass Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 i'm a long time reader, second time poster, and i had to speak up to agree with the others who think this idea is PATHETIC. now, i don't know if this was mentioned by anyone else since i read fast and skipped a few posts, but her motivation for this "test" is complete BS. there is ALOT more to this story, isn't there vanilla? you want to know what my "gut" tells me? she's the one hiding something and the guilt is killing her. if she is able to successfully set him up, then she gets to come clean without being the villain. she can clear her conscience but maintain any leverage she may have in the relationship. it's an F'ing powerplay and i hope she is exposed for what she really is: a candy-coated empty shell of a human being. harsh? sure, but she can smell her own, and this guy doesn't wear her stench so she's trying to sell it to him. SNAKEOIL. also, vanilagirl (or whatever), i'd watch your back if i were you. her games don't end with him. peace
Recommended Posts