Soul Bear Posted August 4, 2009 Posted August 4, 2009 Not replying to her birthday wishes and a facebook friend request? I feel rude and immature. I feel torn between replying and not replying. A simple sms saying .thanks for the birthday wishes' I just dont want her to feel the way she treated me was ok and im cool with it, cos im not. Yet i dont want to not reply......
caramel c Posted August 4, 2009 Posted August 4, 2009 Since you aren't cool with how she treated you there is no need to reply. By replying, you are implying that you are 'cool' with her.
brock9911 Posted August 4, 2009 Posted August 4, 2009 I dont speak for everyone or you, but i didnt reposnd when my ex sent me birthday wishes. or when she texted and called me to say she was thinking of me when my fathers 1 year anniversary of when he died passed. i also didnt send her any birthday wishes. for what she did to me and the hell she put me through, it hurts to talk to her. so i refrained from doing so.
Author Soul Bear Posted August 4, 2009 Author Posted August 4, 2009 Since you aren't cool with how she treated you there is no need to reply. By replying, you are implying that you are 'cool' with her. yeah i guess this holds some truth. although i would have thought by ignoring her friend request and aknowledging her wishes would have been the right thing to do........
caramel c Posted August 4, 2009 Posted August 4, 2009 yeah i guess this holds some truth. although i would have thought by ignoring her friend request and aknowledging her wishes would have been the right thing to do........ I don't understand why you need to file this action under 'right' or 'wrong'. It is what it is. It's not right or wrong no matter what you do.
Author Soul Bear Posted August 4, 2009 Author Posted August 4, 2009 I dont speak for everyone or you, but i didnt reposnd when my ex sent me birthday wishes. or when she texted and called me to say she was thinking of me when my fathers 1 year anniversary of when he died passed. i also didnt send her any birthday wishes. for what she did to me and the hell she put me through, it hurts to talk to her. so i refrained from doing so. How long ago were those 2 occasions? has she tried since? why on earth would she even contact me if she is happy in love with mr rebound? this is ****ing crazy. im going to the gym for a bit
brock9911 Posted August 4, 2009 Posted August 4, 2009 Since than i think iv made it blatantly clear i dont want to talk to her. but she did try once because she said she didnt know the password to the wireless router. reset the f*cking thing and problem solved you f*cking stalking psycho. sorry i had to get that out
Author Soul Bear Posted August 4, 2009 Author Posted August 4, 2009 I don't understand why you need to file this action under 'right' or 'wrong'. It is what it is. It's not right or wrong no matter what you do. its the fight witin ones self for the right thing to do....you should always do the right thing...
caramel c Posted August 4, 2009 Posted August 4, 2009 its the fight witin ones self for the right thing to do....you should always do the right thing... My best advice to you is to overcome that thought that it has to be a matter of right and wrong. This is not a moral dilemma. You were mistreated and it's not in your best interest to remain in contact.
Author Soul Bear Posted August 4, 2009 Author Posted August 4, 2009 Thanks...thats some good advice After an hour at the gym and reading this i am feeling a little more tranquil again. I was mistreated, and there has been no REAL effort to make me feel any better. It has been effort on her part to make her feel better.
Ronni_W Posted August 4, 2009 Posted August 4, 2009 its the fight witin ones self for the right thing to do....you should always do the right thing... I agree with that, Soul. But then we have to take good care to define what "right" means, within our personal/unique set of values, standards, principles, etc. Which can cause a bunch of new inner conflicts, when we try to define our 'stuff' a little more clearly. For example, "right" for which party? "Right" by whose values/standards? Your ex? Your church/faith? Your mom? Your grandmom? Your best friend? A current g/f? YOU? Challenge is that you will NEVER hit upon on action that will be "right" for EVERYBODY else ~~ there will be somebody with a different opinion, or who feels hurt, disappointed, whatever. My basic guideline for making these types of decisions: If I'm going to feel guilty (negative) for NOT doing it, then I do it. If I'm going to feel resentful (negative) for DOING it, then I don't do it. Sometimes it gets messed up, of course. I do something and then later I get pissed off with myself cos I did; or I don't then feel guilty for not. At those times, I just try to remind myself that my decision/choice was based on intention to minimize/eliminate "negativity" in my own life, so I'd better stop my BS...at that point it is my own BS that is causing me to feel "negative". (If that makes sense?)
CaliGuy Posted August 4, 2009 Posted August 4, 2009 Soul Bear, we all have these moments of weakness. I have them more often than I even want to admit. But at the same I remember how I was treated. I was taken for granted, used, abused, etc. *I* was the person who allowed all this to happen and had I had the confidence to say "Screw this!" I would have been the one to walk away. That said, I want you to remember one thing: YOU DO NOT OWE HER ANYTHING. She is the one who walked away and when she did so, she gave up any and all rights to your personal life. Knowing what's going on with you and being a part of you, all that was given up when she left. You don't owe her a hello. You are not obligated to be her friend (and you're a sap if you do befriend her on FB). Give her what she wanted. Freedom from you. That means cutting off any access to your life. Block her on your phone too or at least change her name to "DO NOT ANSWER" (as a constant reminder). I don't owe any of my exes JACK CRAP! Being their friend is simply their way of relieving their guilt and getting some personal need met by me that no one else can meet. TOUGH! LOL. Find someone else to meet your needs. I am not here for you to suck the life out of me. I'd rather spend my time focusing on people who want to be with me and love and appreciate me.
on edge Posted August 4, 2009 Posted August 4, 2009 Post as your status: "Thanks to everyone for the birthday wishes"
huck Posted August 4, 2009 Posted August 4, 2009 Hi SB. Joined the site pretty much the same time as you - so remember your posts pretty well. DO NOT feel guilty in the slightest about not replying to her messages.. Dont feed her ego - you dont owe her sh*t... Well played in not responding so far - be strong !!!
love_fool Posted August 4, 2009 Posted August 4, 2009 Don't. If you are not ready, spare yourself a little grief and do what you know will make you feel right. I sent my ex a birthday wish, but honestly I do not expect him to say anything back due to how we ended.
love_fool Posted August 4, 2009 Posted August 4, 2009 Soul Bear, we all have these moments of weakness. I have them more often than I even want to admit. But at the same I remember how I was treated. I was taken for granted, used, abused, etc. *I* was the person who allowed all this to happen and had I had the confidence to say "Screw this!" I would have been the one to walk away. That said, I want you to remember one thing: YOU DO NOT OWE HER ANYTHING. She is the one who walked away and when she did so, she gave up any and all rights to your personal life. Knowing what's going on with you and being a part of you, all that was given up when she left. You don't owe her a hello. You are not obligated to be her friend (and you're a sap if you do befriend her on FB). Give her what she wanted. Freedom from you. That means cutting off any access to your life. Block her on your phone too or at least change her name to "DO NOT ANSWER" (as a constant reminder). I don't owe any of my exes JACK CRAP! Being their friend is simply their way of relieving their guilt and getting some personal need met by me that no one else can meet. TOUGH! LOL. Find someone else to meet your needs. I am not here for you to suck the life out of me. I'd rather spend my time focusing on people who want to be with me and love and appreciate me. CaliGuy, you have some great advice.
Author Soul Bear Posted August 4, 2009 Author Posted August 4, 2009 I agree with that, Soul. But then we have to take good care to define what "right" means, within our personal/unique set of values, standards, principles, etc. Which can cause a bunch of new inner conflicts, when we try to define our 'stuff' a little more clearly. For example, "right" for which party? "Right" by whose values/standards? Your ex? Your church/faith? Your mom? Your grandmom? Your best friend? A current g/f? YOU? Challenge is that you will NEVER hit upon on action that will be "right" for EVERYBODY else ~~ there will be somebody with a different opinion, or who feels hurt, disappointed, whatever. My basic guideline for making these types of decisions: If I'm going to feel guilty (negative) for NOT doing it, then I do it. If I'm going to feel resentful (negative) for DOING it, then I don't do it. Sometimes it gets messed up, of course. I do something and then later I get pissed off with myself cos I did; or I don't then feel guilty for not. At those times, I just try to remind myself that my decision/choice was based on intention to minimize/eliminate "negativity" in my own life, so I'd better stop my BS...at that point it is my own BS that is causing me to feel "negative". (If that makes sense?) Thank you Ronni....What you said is so true... And i can relate to what you are saying about regreting contact in a moment of weakness...i did that before i went NC...now i sleep on it....and i thank myself the next day i didnt. I also thank myself every day, i didnt contact her 7 weeks ago, 2 weeks into NC....NC means nothing cane get any worse, and it's time to focus on YOU. To stop negativity, you should turn every negative thought into a positive thought. For every action there is a re action, and therefor need to find out the positive side to the negative... Its easy to do, but applying it constantly is a battle, but a battle well worth the effort.
Author Soul Bear Posted August 4, 2009 Author Posted August 4, 2009 Soul Bear, we all have these moments of weakness. I have them more often than I even want to admit. But at the same I remember how I was treated. I was taken for granted, used, abused, etc. *I* was the person who allowed all this to happen and had I had the confidence to say "Screw this!" I would have been the one to walk away. That said, I want you to remember one thing: YOU DO NOT OWE HER ANYTHING. She is the one who walked away and when she did so, she gave up any and all rights to your personal life. Knowing what's going on with you and being a part of you, all that was given up when she left. You don't owe her a hello. You are not obligated to be her friend (and you're a sap if you do befriend her on FB). Give her what she wanted. Freedom from you. That means cutting off any access to your life. Block her on your phone too or at least change her name to "DO NOT ANSWER" (as a constant reminder). I don't owe any of my exes JACK CRAP! Being their friend is simply their way of relieving their guilt and getting some personal need met by me that no one else can meet. TOUGH! LOL. Find someone else to meet your needs. I am not here for you to suck the life out of me. I'd rather spend my time focusing on people who want to be with me and love and appreciate me. Your Amazing Bro That's right, I dont owe her ****.... Im so glad i didnt break NC now.....''Roll over Soul'' *robot says yes* Im no robot. Im worth more than that... Roll on NC
fabulous_chk Posted August 4, 2009 Posted August 4, 2009 Get on fb or YIM my bear. I wouldn't worry about being rude or immature at this point. You are taking care of yourself. That's your goal. Everybody else is secondary.
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