nature Posted August 4, 2009 Posted August 4, 2009 Thomas...I feel your pain. You sound like such an amazing man any woman would be so lucky to have. A few questions to help me assess your situation. 1. How old is this girl? 2. Who broke up with who in the very first place, and why? 3. You say you cut her off and are the one who has gone no contact. Why have you done this? 4. When she has written you that she loves you and misses you, have you responded or just ignored her?
Author Thomas X Forever Posted August 4, 2009 Author Posted August 4, 2009 Thomas...I feel your pain. You sound like such an amazing man any woman would be so lucky to have. Thank you.. sincerely, thank you 1. How old is this girl? She is 18 now. 2. Who broke up with who in the very first place, and why? She broke up with me. She said she loved me to death but needed a break. She said she had no time for any friends, or all the other things. She said she was too young to be tied down. (I think she was pressured into a breakup for schooling reasons by her parents). 3. You say you cut her off and are the one who has gone no contact. Why have you done this? I did this to heal/make her miss me. I couldn't be friends... It would kill me... I love her so deeply 4. When she has written you that she loves you and misses you, have you responded or just ignored her? Yes I did definitely. I only ignored small things like "Happy new years" and nothing worthwhile. I didn't ignore her after she admitted she still loved me. (When we met up 6 months after breaking up). God, I wish I knew what to do. I wish I knew whether to contact her or not... I'm scared to death she could say something like she's with someone else. If she did this, I don't know. The pain would push me over the edge.
adamt Posted August 4, 2009 Posted August 4, 2009 How long ago did you break up? Are you in your early 20s? At that age you should be looking to move on no matter how hard it is. There are plenty fish out there for you. i'm 38 and look back to my early 20s/teens and regret all the missed oportunities because i was still focusing on an ex
nature Posted August 4, 2009 Posted August 4, 2009 Oh Thomas...I can feel your pain. This concerns me in that she is only 18. As a woman, in my 30s, I can tell you that when I was her age, I fell madly in love, but broke up with him because of the same reasons. I felt young, saw my whole world in front of me, was starting university, wanting to explore, hang out with friends, see the world and not be tied down. I'm sorry to tell you this, but it's the truth. When I look back on it now, I can still think about that guy. I am still sad I hurt him like I did. Because he was an amazing guy. And even now, I can say that he was probably one of the most amazing guys I ever dated, and would have made a wonderful husband. But I just wasnt' ready to be that serious. We dated for 3 years. He tried to win me back for 2 years after we split up. But I, as well, had my parents telling me I was too young to settle down. Needed to focus on being young, goign to university, enjoying everything that freedom had to offer. He went on and married another woman when he was 27, and they are still together. I am happy for him, as he found someone who wanted what he wanted at that time. Now if this situation were today, I could only imagine having someone that loyal, that amazing, that much in wanting to settle down and get married. I could live with regret now, but I don't let myself. However, I am now in my late 30s, have had many more relationships, broken hearts, had my heart broken....all for what? To find someone as wonderful as the first man I ever loved whose heart I broke. I am telling you this only to explain to you that there was no other reason I broke up with him, than I wasn't ready. It had nothign to do with him. I just simply wasn't ready. If he came along today in the exact circumstances, I would be ready, and I would snap him up like you have no idea. But back at that young age, I had nothign to gauge it by. I saw the whole world in front of my eyes. I didn't want to feel trapped yet. Maybe that sounds bad, but it's the truth. However, now at this age, I sometimes feel I am getting my retribution for having hurt him like I did. I fell madly in love with a man 4 yrs ago. He asked me to marry him. We were engaged and planning our life together. And I was ready. I said yes to marrying him with every ounce of my heart and soul. The only problem is, that after 3 yrs together, and while engaged, he started acting like someone who was not ready for a relationship. He was close to 40 yrs old at this time, and many of his friends where coming out of long term marriages, getting divorced, etc. and he started picking up with them. Soon he was going out with them to bars, drinking alot, partying, and putting me on the back burner. I of course was hurt, got angry, and he started saying all we do is fight. Yes, we started fighting because my fiance suddenly decided he was going to act like a 19 yr old party boy again. He sabotaged our relationship because he realized he wasn't ready. So he broke up with me. I am telling you this, because I think it helps to see things from the other perspective. We've now been split up a year. He has tried to stay in contact with me. Written me emails. Phoned me. Shown up at my house, etc. At first I was devestated, cried, asked him what the hell he was doing. But he just kept saying it won't work with us because all we do is fight. I was so angry, because that wasn't true. We had been wonderful, until he deliberatley started sabotaging things. So I cut him off I went NC. I didn't respond to his emails from Xmas onward. Then I ran into him in May. He came up to me. Said he was the biggest idiot. Said he knows he's difficult. Says he messed up the best thing ever. I was cool to him. He then phoned me late one night drunk saying how much he loves and misses me. He then showed up at my house saying the same, yet he was again drunk from being out with his friends. I just listened. I didn't do anything. He then called me one night sober. Started backpeddling on all the "love professions" he'd given me. Said he shouldn't have said that all and he was sorry, because he knows it probably wouldn't work between us. I said, "what do you want...are you wanting to get back together"...he said, "um, it's not that easy...we fight...and we dont' get along when we're together, blah, blah blah". I eventually said good night and hung up. He's called me a few times since, left friends msg's, but we really haven't talked. It was all HIS confusion. Not mine. I've stayed strong. He doens't know how much I hurt. I've pretended I'm happy and ok and doing great. INside I'm broken and hurt and sad, but my pride won't let him see that. Becasue I know he's confused. I worry your ex is confused as well. I worry about you getting hurt more. This is why I am telling you my story. So that if you do call her, you don't put your whole heart out there. Because the minute I even said to my ex, "what do you want, do you want to get back together?" he immediately backpeddled, switched his tune and suddenly said we can't. So just tread lightly is all I am saying. If I were to call my ex up right now and profess my love for him, he'd probably say no right away, even tho he's the one who's been contacting me. Make sense? No it doesn't! But it's the reality! So be wary!
mickleb Posted August 4, 2009 Posted August 4, 2009 Nature - I read every word intently because, whilst it's as crazy as hell, it is also so plausible. I am 37 and recognise parts of what you say. I certainly recognise how ridiculous it all is. Please keep us posted with any further events. It's so important that we are able to learn from each other here. Makes it less lonely, turns the crap into something useful. Continue to be strong and to remember this is not about you. Hey - we're only half-way through life. There's GOT to be so much more to come! x TXF, I think it's true that only you can know if you should try again, or try harder but, as well as considering Nature's experience very carefully, I want to remind you that you wrote to her and she has not written back. And she did break it off originally. She clearly is confused about her feelings for you but I don't think she can be very confused about your feelings for her. She would have to be fairly insensitive to not understand why the man who loves her, and who she left, is struggling with risking being hurt again. I think I would say, if you've explained why you were hurt when she backed off last time to her, you shouldn't have to say anything else. When someone leaves you it takes SO MUCH to be able to trust them again. Neither of you can trust that it will all be okay. Maybe, one day, you will be able to (it is possible) but I don't think that time is now. Good luck with finding your answer, honey. You have a lot of people rooting for you here. x
Thornton Posted August 5, 2009 Posted August 5, 2009 I know there are certain things you're not supposed to do when someone dumps you, like calling them, and emailing them, and begging them... but frankly I have to do everything that's within my power before I can call it quits. I always worry that he might think I don't really care or that I haven't tried - if I've tried my damndest and he still doesn't want me, at least I can have peace in the thought that I did everything I possibly could and he definitely knew my true feelings and what I wanted, and the only reason we're apart is because he didn't want me, not because I didn't try. So if trying gives you peace of mind Thomas, then try, but don't expect miracles. At least you can feel that you've done everything within your power and the final decision to be apart from her was out of your hands. I recently emailed my ex, just a chatty email to say hi because I was ill and stuck at home. I guess secretly I was hoping to re-open the lines of communication, since I haven't heard from him for four months. Yes, I know I shouldn't have done it, and now he probably thinks I'm a loser who can't live without him. He replied with an equally light-hearted email, telling me his job was going ok and recommending a few tv shows that I might like. There was no "I miss you", no "I'm miserable without you", no "I can't find anyone who matches up to you"... he genuinely seemed to be doing ok. I waited a day or two so I didn't look too keen and I emailed him back; this time there was no reply. This shows me two things: 1) that he still doesn't care enough about me to reply to my emails, because even when we were dating he sucked at communication, and 2)that he's getting on fine without me and doesn't want me back, because if he wanted me he'd reply to my email and keep the lines of communication open, right? It's kind of sad that I was actually still entertaining this fantasy that we'd continue exchanging emails, and then we'd start speaking again, and then he'd confess that he misses me and wants to try again... it's not going to happen But at least I feel that I did everything I could, I gave him a chance and he wasn't interested... I'll never have to feel responsible for us not being together because there's nothing more I could have done.
Beeotch Posted August 5, 2009 Posted August 5, 2009 I know there are certain things you're not supposed to do when someone dumps you, like calling them, and emailing them, and begging them... but frankly I have to do everything that's within my power before I can call it quits. I always worry that he might think I don't really care or that I haven't tried - if I've tried my damndest and he still doesn't want me, at least I can have peace in the thought that I did everything I possibly could and he definitely knew my true feelings and what I wanted, and the only reason we're apart is because he didn't want me, not because I didn't try. So if trying gives you peace of mind Thomas, then try, but don't expect miracles. At least you can feel that you've done everything within your power and the final decision to be apart from her was out of your hands. I recently emailed my ex, just a chatty email to say hi because I was ill and stuck at home. I guess secretly I was hoping to re-open the lines of communication, since I haven't heard from him for four months. Yes, I know I shouldn't have done it, and now he probably thinks I'm a loser who can't live without him. He replied with an equally light-hearted email, telling me his job was going ok and recommending a few tv shows that I might like. There was no "I miss you", no "I'm miserable without you", no "I can't find anyone who matches up to you"... he genuinely seemed to be doing ok. I waited a day or two so I didn't look too keen and I emailed him back; this time there was no reply. This shows me two things: 1) that he still doesn't care enough about me to reply to my emails, because even when we were dating he sucked at communication, and 2)that he's getting on fine without me and doesn't want me back, because if he wanted me he'd reply to my email and keep the lines of communication open, right? It's kind of sad that I was actually still entertaining this fantasy that we'd continue exchanging emails, and then we'd start speaking again, and then he'd confess that he misses me and wants to try again... it's not going to happen But at least I feel that I did everything I could, I gave him a chance and he wasn't interested... I'll never have to feel responsible for us not being together because there's nothing more I could have done. Indeed. I don't think it has to be an ongoing proces though. I think that after a break up that the other person initiated you can perhaps have one email/conversation putting all your feelings out there, saying you love them, want them back, want to try again etc and that the ball is in their court. They will get the message from that. I think doing it every week, every other week etc isn't changing anything because they understood from before. I think the need to text/email/call frequently is a natural albeit desperate reflex action on our part to hold on to this person. I think sometimes we give these people less credit than they deserve. They broke up with us...more often than not that is clue enough that WE were NOT the ones who did not want them, as if we were, we would have been the ones to initiate the break up...so that alone shows they already know that we care. Telling them our feelings sincerely once also adds to this knowledge. They would be lying to themselves as well as being ridiculous to expect weekly messages reiterating our care/love/desires etc. I too sometimes get the feeling like maybe I should email again, call again, text again and I realized logically it makes no sense. He broke up with me, not me him so he has no reason to think I don't care. I have ALREADY emailed, texted, called etc. If all those emails, calls and texts didn't work what will new ones accomplish? I must be dealing with an idiot then lol...In the SAME way I took the risks to send those emails, have those conversations, send those texts (being just as confused, hurt, scared etc) so too can HE take that risk if he cares and supposedly thinks I do not care. These people often give us WAAAAY more evidence that they do not care than we have given them so it is delusional to believe that they are sitting around sulking thinking we do not care about them...as usually the dumpee performs more actions to show tha he/she cares after the break up than the dumper. So I guess one can try to clear one's own conscience...but those things are something to also keep in mind.
smookie Posted August 5, 2009 Posted August 5, 2009 Thorton, Your so right.... you tired you did everythig that you could and nothing so why try... I think thomas has to get o this point where he will feel the way we do (and yes I believe we still hurt) but we know it is over and there is no turning back ... I know I wanted to a few times but when I think even about my last week in life and he did not care ... Like really I know anyone would have run to help me if they could have but he did not ... I now know love ya loser is the end of my night ...lol ...
ATR Posted August 5, 2009 Posted August 5, 2009 Thomas do you think she would be attracted to you if she sees you like you are at the minute? I can feel your pain, but from her point of view you would look SO pathetic and weak. You need to stop obsessing over her asap! It's not doing you any good. Perhaps she is too young for a full blown relationship, at 18. If you really loved her you would accept her wishes and leave her be, move on. Good luck, you are one of the many posters on this site that helped me SO much during my break up with your posts. I am EXTREMELY thankful for that. Without your advise, saying to go NC, i would not be in the postition i am today. Thank you. All the best.
nature Posted August 5, 2009 Posted August 5, 2009 I think what Beeotch said is soooooo true... I think the need to text/email/call frequently is a natural albeit desperate reflex action on our part to hold on to this person. I think sometimes we give these people less credit than they deserve. They broke up with us...more often than not that is clue enough that WE were NOT the ones who did not want them, as if we were, we would have been the ones to initiate the break up...so that alone shows they already know that we care. even though it's hard to accept sometimes....sitting thinking about them, often convinces our mind to overthink things, and re-arrange the "truth" into fitting how we want it to be....that if we just told them one more time how much we care, they would suddenly jump into our arms and want to be with us. Overthinking things can convince our mind to forget the truth...in that they broke up with us. Therefore, they don't want us.
Thornton Posted August 5, 2009 Posted August 5, 2009 I guess I keep thinking that maybe he's realised by now that he made a mistake, so if I just try one more time maybe he'll receive me with open arms, because secretly he regrets dumping me and is wishing for another chance. I guess that's just wishful thinking, huh I just don't want to completely break contact and let go of that ever so slim chance that he might change his mind, but every time I contact him it just becomes clearer that he doesn't want to be in a relationship with me. If I understood why I might feel better about it, if there was something wrong in our relationship that I could put my finger on and say "That's what drove him away", then at least I'd have closure, but as it stands I really don't have a clue about why he dumped me. Our relationship seemed perfect to me, so I keep on pushing... Dumpers, if you really want to be left alone then please have the courtesy to tell the dumpee why you're ending the relationship, otherwise we'll just drive ourselves crazy and keep chasing you in the mistaken assumption that everything was perfect between us. I think if you really love someone then their heartfelt, romantic, cant-live-without-you sort of behaviour is very endearing... but when it's coming from someone you don't want to be with it's just annoying and is even more of a turn-off. So if someone has already dumped you, all of your romantic dramatic behaviour just pushes them further away and makes you look pathetic. I guess I should save my soulful romantic declarations for someone who actually wants to hear them
Author Thomas X Forever Posted August 5, 2009 Author Posted August 5, 2009 Aww thornton. Do you have AIM? Toss me an IM. Not ThomasX. We're both goin through the same thing...
adamt Posted August 5, 2009 Posted August 5, 2009 I've learnt over the years it is so easy to read into things far too much. And interpret it how you want. I'm in my late 30s and now i just tell them how i feel when we break up and then take a step back and walk away and leave the ball in their court. Way i look at it is if they are willing to break up with you then they are not in a fit mind to want to be in a healthy relationship. Only way they would come back is if over time they sort their heads out and come back under their own steam after realising their mistake. Life is just too short to be waiting about, especially in your 20s. There are plenty of other people to fall in love with out here. Despite what people think they are not the only one for you. If your ex his the sort to play games or mess with your head or is "confused" then more reason to move on and look elsewhere.
hoping2heal Posted August 5, 2009 Posted August 5, 2009 I know there are certain things you're not supposed to do when someone dumps you, like calling them, and emailing them, and begging them... but frankly I have to do everything that's within my power before I can call it quits. I always worry that he might think I don't really care or that I haven't tried - if I've tried my damndest and he still doesn't want me, at least I can have peace in the thought that I did everything I possibly could and he definitely knew my true feelings and what I wanted, and the only reason we're apart is because he didn't want me, not because I didn't try. So if trying gives you peace of mind Thomas, then try, but don't expect miracles. At least you can feel that you've done everything within your power and the final decision to be apart from her was out of your hands. I recently emailed my ex, just a chatty email to say hi because I was ill and stuck at home. I guess secretly I was hoping to re-open the lines of communication, since I haven't heard from him for four months. Yes, I know I shouldn't have done it, and now he probably thinks I'm a loser who can't live without him. He replied with an equally light-hearted email, telling me his job was going ok and recommending a few tv shows that I might like. There was no "I miss you", no "I'm miserable without you", no "I can't find anyone who matches up to you"... he genuinely seemed to be doing ok. I waited a day or two so I didn't look too keen and I emailed him back; this time there was no reply. This shows me two things: 1) that he still doesn't care enough about me to reply to my emails, because even when we were dating he sucked at communication, and 2)that he's getting on fine without me and doesn't want me back, because if he wanted me he'd reply to my email and keep the lines of communication open, right? It's kind of sad that I was actually still entertaining this fantasy that we'd continue exchanging emails, and then we'd start speaking again, and then he'd confess that he misses me and wants to try again... it's not going to happen But at least I feel that I did everything I could, I gave him a chance and he wasn't interested... I'll never have to feel responsible for us not being together because there's nothing more I could have done. Thornton, I'm confused. Not even 2 months ago you were talking about your great boyfriend who always makes time for you to some other girl. This says you haven't heard from an ex in 4 months. I'm confused.
Exit Posted August 6, 2009 Posted August 6, 2009 I've pursued someone for over 3 months, and it made no difference. We all have those doubts, "what if they're waiting for ME to say something", but they probably aren't. If you can make contact, and possibly get rejected, and not be sent all the way back to square one of emotional suffering, then go for it. But if you know that it will just tear your heart out again, then leave it.
Author Thomas X Forever Posted August 6, 2009 Author Posted August 6, 2009 But if you know that it will just tear your heart out again, then leave it. It would. I know everyone's right. I won't allow myself to contact her. I did fight for her. I remember fighting so bad, she got mad at me and told me she DOESN'T want a relationship with ANYONE for a LONG TIME. So in retrospect, at least I tried.
Exit Posted August 6, 2009 Posted August 6, 2009 Yup, you need to get rid of those thoughts like "I didn't try". I'm the same way. I sit here thinking oh I could have done this or that different, I messed up, etc etc, but then I calm down and remind myself that I did try. Quite simply I would have done anything to make it work, I know that, she knows that, what more is there to say. She still hasn't come back.
edward-e Posted August 6, 2009 Posted August 6, 2009 i had never known thomas' situation...but im in the same d*mn spot pretty much...theres slight differences but pretty similar...i have been thinking the same thing you are. being that im just coming back into town after being gone for 2 months. i was wondering if after all that time of not seing me or anything if i should just go see her or call her or something, but i think imma hold on and be strong and if she wants something from me then she can call me.
maria_patheticsoul Posted August 6, 2009 Posted August 6, 2009 Hey Thomas i say you go for it.....she did her part...she made a move maybe it's time for you to make your move. Maybe she is just waiting for you to fight for your love for her. If you know that you will be more happy being with her and you feel she feels the same then go for it. Why let yourself suffer if you know you can do something about it. Don't force yourself to forget her if you very well know you can't...let time decide. But in the meantime let yourself enjoy the feeling of being loved and loving someone.
Beeotch Posted August 6, 2009 Posted August 6, 2009 I think what Beeotch said is soooooo true... I think the need to text/email/call frequently is a natural albeit desperate reflex action on our part to hold on to this person. I think sometimes we give these people less credit than they deserve. They broke up with us...more often than not that is clue enough that WE were NOT the ones who did not want them, as if we were, we would have been the ones to initiate the break up...so that alone shows they already know that we care. even though it's hard to accept sometimes....sitting thinking about them, often convinces our mind to overthink things, and re-arrange the "truth" into fitting how we want it to be....that if we just told them one more time how much we care, they would suddenly jump into our arms and want to be with us. Overthinking things can convince our mind to forget the truth...in that they broke up with us. Therefore, they don't want us. My problem is I know he has issues so I think, he broke up with me but it wasn't because he didn't want me but it was because he couldn't give me what I needed (and he said so himself)...we were actually supposed to be on a break but many things ensued after that made things more of a break up. The problem with this thinking is it makes you even more want to reach out and all this because you sit around thinking that they truly do want you but other things are stopping it. I have tried to stop thinking this way though because I realize that it is not up to me to figure out his "true" feelings . He KNOWS how I feel so even if he does love me still but circumstance is what is keeping us a part...it is up to him to let me know this is no uncertain terms versus me having to clue it together. Let's be honest with ourselves: when we first got with these people they made their desires, love, care, affection known. We did not have to fish for it or over analyze it or make up clues for ourselves...so why should now be different? If they still care they will make us know, someway, somehow.
nature Posted August 6, 2009 Posted August 6, 2009 It soooo sucks!!! It really does!! The only thing that keeps me from getting entwined in my ex's confusion, is my pride. Believe me, i think about it every day. But my pride stops me from doing anything. Even when he contacted me the last few months, told me he missed me, we are meant to be together, etc. I played it very cool. Then after he said all that to me, he called me one evening and back peddled on everything he'd said, and I still played it cool (even tho inside it hurt). I just told him, "lol no worries...I know you and didn't take your words to heart so don't worry about apologizing"....I brushed it off so he would think I was totally lethargic about it all now. Then he phoned me a few more times after that, just shooting the ****. At one point he said he was happy we are on good terms now, said some other stuff, and I said well if you ever want to get a coffee or go for a walk, give me a call. He immediately got tongue tied, said "you scare me". I said, "pardon, I scare you?". He said, "well I mean, you scare me because I'm attracted to you so it scares me to see you in person". I said, "ok, no problem, I understand!!". I kept it light and breezy. I told him about some great things that are genuinely going on in my life, I sounded upbeat and happy, and he sounded all soft hearted and said he was happy for me and wasn't surprised these good things are happening to me, etc. So, as much as he broke up with me a year ago, ripped my heart to pieces, I've forced myself to stay strong and keep moving forward. It's soooooo hard. It really is. But we all have to do it. Because as Beeeyotch said, they broke up with us, so we really have no choice. Our choice was taken from us when they ended things with us. Yes, it sucks....but it's the reality.
mickleb Posted August 6, 2009 Posted August 6, 2009 Nature - it sounds like you don't want him back, anymore. Is that true? x
Thornton Posted August 6, 2009 Posted August 6, 2009 Thornton, I'm confused. Not even 2 months ago you were talking about your great boyfriend who always makes time for you to some other girl. This says you haven't heard from an ex in 4 months. I'm confused. I do have someone I'm currently dating. That doesn't mean I'm madly in love with him, or that I'm not still crazy about my ex. I'm dating someone else and attempting to move on with my life because my ex has made it clear he doesn't want me. And yeah, he's a great guy, he's a wonderful boyfriend who always makes time for me; he treats me how I wanted my ex to treat me, but I still wish it was my ex treating me nice, not him.
hoping2heal Posted August 6, 2009 Posted August 6, 2009 I do have someone I'm currently dating. That doesn't mean I'm madly in love with him, or that I'm not still crazy about my ex. I'm dating someone else and attempting to move on with my life because my ex has made it clear he doesn't want me. And yeah, he's a great guy, he's a wonderful boyfriend who always makes time for me; he treats me how I wanted my ex to treat me, but I still wish it was my ex treating me nice, not him. Okay, I get it now. So, does this someone you're currently dating know you feel this way?
nature Posted August 6, 2009 Posted August 6, 2009 Mickle....I don't want him back unless on good, healthy terms. I still love him. I still miss him every day even tho we've been broken up a year. I fell madly in love with him and said yes to marrying him and spending my life with him. But as you read, he went nutso and sabotaged our relationship and expected me to put up with him running around partying like he was 19 yrs old all of a sudden. I do not want him back on those terms and would never accept him back on those terms. So yes, I miss the times we shared, the love we shared, the 3 yrs we were together. But I don't miss the last few months of our relationship, when he started to pick up with old friends who were coming out of the wood work, out of long term marriages, getting divorced, etc. They were in negative mindsets, running from their problems and partying, and my ex picked up with them, even tho he was in a completely different situation. He was starting his life with someone. They were ending their lives with someone. Yet my ex picked up with them and sabotaged what we had. When I got angry at him and started freaking out at him, he dumped me and said all we do is fight. Damn straight all we'll do is fight if he actually thought I would accept his sudden mid life crisis BS behaviour! lol And when he did profess his love, etc a few times this spring and call me etc...he then called me one night all in a weird mood and backpeddled on everythng he said to me, said he knew it wouldn't work with us because all we do is fight, etc. i didn't even fight him on it. I just said, "ok"! I can't change his mind and don't want to. If that's the mindset he's in, then let him be in it. That's his choice. One minute he's phoning me saying how much he loves and misses me and wants to grow old with me and that he's a stupid idiot for messing up the best thing that ever happened to him....the next minute he's phoning me telling me it would never work and he's sorry and shouldn't have said he wanted to be with me because he does but knows it would never work. I'm not fighting him on any of it. It's his choice to feel how he feels. I just know I won't settle for crumbs. And I deserve someone who wants to be with me 100%. And you deserve that too!!
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