STRONGLY considering breaking NC

[Thomas X Forever]

If you wanna read my story, check out thomasxavier.blogspot

 

Oh and add a .com to the end of that

 

But anyways...

 

For quick highlights

 

We were together a year

 

I loved this girl, really did. I made small mistakes and was selfish here and there but I loved her.

 

She was very happy too. We both talked about how much we loved eachother..

 

Around month 7 I was considering breaking up with her, though, because she had some repressed anger issues. Was easily annoyed, and flipped, etc

 

But I thought she was worth riding it out

 

Then around month 12, out of nowhere, she asks for a break, but says she loves me to death. (Her break was she felt she was too young to be tied down, and that she has too much to do. I felt it was more of a case of her dad pressuring her that she needs to focus

 

I basically go NC. She txts me every few days or every other week asking how I could go NC on her, and I asked HER how she could cut ME out of her life, first.

 

After 6 months of being broken up, she txts me again saying she misses me. I txt her "Let's go on a date."

 

So she agrees.

 

We go on a date, and we both break down and start crying and then kissing. She says she still loves me, and i told her I still love her. As the night ends, she says she loves me.

 

Every day following she keeps saying how much she loves me. Then she says how much she wants to kiss me again.

 

Then she says she wants me to make reservations for a vacation for us this summer..

 

So we talk more about it as the days pass. Then when I was going to do it, she tells me her dad wont let her go now.

 

Then she says she may not be able to hang out this week because family is coming. (This may have actually been true).

 

Devastated though, I went NC... didn't know what else to do...

 

She hasn't talked to me since.

 

Every day that passes, it hurts more. It's been about 2 months, and I don't see the point anymore. I miss her, I want her back... I have dreams about her damn near every night. I think about her when I'm awake.

 

What should I say to break NC?

[northstar1]

If you wanna read my story, check out thomasxavier.blogspot

 

Oh and add a .com to the end of that

 

But anyways...

 

For quick highlights

 

We were together a year

 

I loved this girl, really did. I made small mistakes and was selfish here and there but I loved her.

 

She was very happy too. We both talked about how much we loved eachother..

 

Around month 7 I was considering breaking up with her, though, because she had some repressed anger issues. Was easily annoyed, and flipped, etc

 

But I thought she was worth riding it out

 

Then around month 12, out of nowhere, she asks for a break, but says she loves me to death. (Her break was she felt she was too young to be tied down, and that she has too much to do. I felt it was more of a case of her dad pressuring her that she needs to focus

 

I basically go NC. She txts me every few days or every other week asking how I could go NC on her, and I asked HER how she could cut ME out of her life, first.

 

After 6 months of being broken up, she txts me again saying she misses me. I txt her "Let's go on a date."

 

So she agrees.

 

We go on a date, and we both break down and start crying and then kissing. She says she still loves me, and i told her I still love her. As the night ends, she says she loves me.

 

Every day following she keeps saying how much she loves me. Then she says how much she wants to kiss me again.

 

Then she says she wants me to make reservations for a vacation for us this summer..

 

So we talk more about it as the days pass. Then when I was going to do it, she tells me her dad wont let her go now.

 

Then she says she may not be able to hang out this week because family is coming. (This may have actually been true).

 

Devastated though, I went NC... didn't know what else to do...

 

She hasn't talked to me since.

 

Every day that passes, it hurts more. It's been about 2 months, and I don't see the point anymore. I miss her, I want her back... I have dreams about her damn near every night. I think about her when I'm awake.

 

What should I say to break NC?

 

I have a better idea.

 

Take a thick braided rope, tie a few knots at one end. Whack yourself in the groin repeatedly until the pain is too much. When the pain stops. Wait a bit and do it again. Repeat as necessary.

 

That's about the same as you'll feel to breaking NC.

[adamt]

Don't contact her. if you feel the urge ring up a friend or someone in your family. You need to stay NC with the attitude to want to move on. I know it is hard but by contacting her you are not making any inroads to moving on. You jsut end up hurt again. If someone kept punching you in the face everyday what would you do. mental pain is no different. Do oyu really want to be like this in 12 months time?

 

Start doing things for yourself that you enjoy and will keep you busy. it sounds like you have too much free time to think about her.

[CaliGuy]

What should I say to break NC?

 

If you're smart, you don't say a word.

 

If you want to go back to square one, go ahead and break NC.

 

Thomas, we've all been in your shoes. This is not an unusual case and you're not the first person to go through this (nearly everyone here on LS has at one time in their life or another).

 

Breaking NC simply tells her that you're not a strong, confident man. That you simply can't live without her (you can and will). You can't force someone to love you and you most certainly can not "convince" them of their feelings.

 

The best thing you can do is walk away and leave them to their own thoughts. In the meantime, don't put your life on hold waiting for her.

[DustySaltus]

I haven't been on the site that long but I will say that you have given some good advice to people including myself.

 

I don't know how old this girl is but if she is but her father seems like a pretty dominant guy. What's your relationship with him?

 

When you are alone with your thoughts the first thing that pops into your mind is her, I know that feeling. It feels like you have no control over your emotions and you start to play out memories in your head.

 

Something happened that weekend with the "family". Sometimes people try their best to see if they can get someone back just to see if they can do it, not because they really want them. It's a horrible feeling, I know but for her to go from "lets take a vacation to my dad won't let me do it" is a cop out. Now its been two months and she isn't saying anything...i don't know. This is a really tough situation especially when you see a woman has flaws and you accept them because you love them so much while other guys probably would've ran out the door.

 

What are you really trying to accomplish when you speak with her? You want her back...take a shot at it...but what would you tell me if I was in your shoes?

[utterer of lies]

 

What should I say to break NC?

 

Hi.

 

 

And please don't weasel out of breaking NC - the aftermath will be great entertainment.

[Thomas X Forever]

If you were in my shoes? If you had the same memories as me? If you had a strong bond with her and her family, and you know she didn't leave you for another guy? If she txt how much she loves and misses you? If it was YOU who cut HER off when you KNOW you COULD'VE done MORE?

 

If you suffer every night, every day, all day? No matter WHAT you do? No matter HOW many girls would be willing to be with you? No matter WHO you meet, no matter WHERE you go, no matter whether your'e awakre or asleep, because your mind still goes back to her either way? If you knew how bad you wanted her back, and how much you miss her?

 

I'd tell you the same thing I tell myself.

 

FIGURE OUT HOW TO BREAK NC SUCCESSFULLY. It just isn't worth moving on

[fiser360]

I would say continue with NC, and let her contact you first. By breaking NC you set yourself up for disappointment if she doesn't respond or doesn't say what you want to hear.

 

But from what you described on the date and the talks afterward it sounds like she really does love you. Maybe she just needs more time. I would wait until she contacts you again, and then maybe ask her out on another date. Keep your head up Thomas.

 

Good luck!

[Thomas X Forever]

Hi.

 

 

And please don't weasel out of breaking NC - the aftermath will be great entertainment.

 

 

No greater than your sociopathic behavior and lack of conscience is. I'd still prefer to see that instead

 

 

 

And nathan, it was me who cut her off last. Logically, she was probably expecting me to fight and I didn't. What would lead you to believe she will ever try to contact me again? The chance is much higher she was waiting for me...

[fiser360]

Curiosity..possibly.

My ex still contacts me every couple days just to "chat". And she has a new boyfriend. So at least your situation is better than mine. But if you are determined to break NC I would go ahead and get it over with so you can start again. I broke NC yesterday and was very very disappointed by what I got back.

[fiser360]

The chance is much higher she was waiting for me...

 

You could be right about that. I'd say if you are emotionally prepared, go for it! What's the worst that could happen. It's not like she can break up with you.

[lorilynne]

It's hard to say what to do here, Thomas. When was the last time she text or called you? Maybe you can briefly respond to her next text & see how you feel. If you feel bad, don't do it again. IDK if this is the best advice but it's advice none the less.

[Thomas X Forever]

Hey lori, and thanks..

 

And I don't know if I'm prepared. I'm just sick of this feeling all day every day. It hasn't gotten better, only worse. I feel like I'm losing out, and it's the worst pain I've ever felt. Even worse than losing my first love.

 

I don't know what to do. I want to talk to her so badly finally, I just don't know what to say. I don't think she will ever come around on her own...

 

I sent her a letter about 3 weeks ago... I'm not sure she ever got it or not..

[lorilynne]

Oh, sweetie, I feel your pain. It's so hard and so many questions flood your brain. We start to second guess our actions and think that maybe if we had done this or that, they'd be in our lives.

There's not one solitary action that would have turned our lives around. She knows you love her. If she felt it would work out, she'd "move mountains" to be with you. Do you want to be with someone that you had to "convince" it would work? A relationship should be mutual...look who's talking (Lol).

 

Now just for fun & because I think life is completely ironic...what if two people that broke up are both on this forum. They both post stating they love their ex and want to contact them. We all keep telling both of them to maintain NC. Wouldn't that be insanely ironic?

[Thomas X Forever]

Exactly, lori. I don't trust the saying that "when someone loves you they'll move mountains to be with you". (Nothing against your advice).

 

Because look! Here we all are, loving people deeply, and we aren't talking to them. What if someone gave her the same advice? What if someone told her that "If he wanted to be with you, he wouldn't be ignoring you". That's so entirely possible that it's even probable.

 

God.. I ****ing hate this. I ****ing hate it so bad.

 

I haven't contacted her in so long.

 

I want to say:

 

"This freakin sucks. I HATE THIS :("

[lorilynne]

Well, you did send the letter. So you have tried. You invited her on vacay. So you have tried.

 

If you gotta give it one more shot just to prove you really tried everything...then do so. If it's killing you and you feel like she may be waiting for you, then try. But be prepared to not receive the response we all fantasize about. If you're going in knowing that you might not hear what you want to hear and then you'll commit to moving on, then do it and we'll all be there for you.

 

I certainly can't say don't do it because you lead by example, I'm a lousy leader! Lol. I tried reasoning with my ex and just when I thought I was making headway, I was left abandoned back at ground zero. But you all were here for me & we will be here for you.

[Thomas X Forever]

I'll always be here for you lori. Thanks. Seriously.

 

Especially since you're hot

 

LOL kidding, im not that big a jackass. (You do look good though, that part was serious )

 

But hmm. I don't know. I want her back so bad. But I fear if she says no, then everything will be shattered. I hate to risk all the progress I think I've made, but I'd rather have her back instead. God, I was selfish and wasn't perfect, but I loved her and was there for her...

[fiser360]

Go for it!!

[Sbrizio]

Breaking NC simply tells her that you're not a strong, confident man. That you simply can't live without her (you can and will). You can't force someone to love you and you most certainly can not "convince" them of their feelings.

 

The best thing you can do is walk away and leave them to their own thoughts. In the meantime, don't put your life on hold waiting for her.

 

Thanks CaliGuy, these are words which should be carved in any mind suffering in NC

[Sbrizio]

Because look! Here we all are, loving people deeply, and we aren't talking to them.

 

Hey Thomas, i understand this though you express...i had it lots of time. It's as much as real as the other (opposite) one: "If they cared for us they would make at least a timid move".

 

I can tell you, that i've lived both experiences:

 

1) i went NC to a girl, and she couldn't stand it and came back to me. When they want they come.

 

2) i broke NC to the very same girl (after she broke with me later on), just once, i a very dignified way (no pleading, no cries) and just firmly affirming my feelings (which she perfectly knew)...and nothing changed...she repeated that it wasn't going to work.

 

It's just you who can decide what to do...but usually, actions (or the lack of them) show things as they are.

 

BTW - for #2 she broke my heart a second time...and i'll try to resist the urge for a third shock for the time being...

[smookie]

Call her , talk to her, see what she has to say...

[Peanut9330]

I really feel like you should follow your heart on this one, everyone is gonna have some kind of opinion about this and no matter how much you explain and share your story no one and I mean no one will be able to understand your true feelings for this girl, people can advise you but they cant put themselves in your shoes, only you know how much you lover her and how much you miss her, and only you would know if its worth it to give it another shot. I like to listen to and get advice for my friends but that's all it is advice... I make my own decisions cuz at the end of the day i'm gonna have to live with it not them.

[smookie]

Originally Posted by CaliGuy

Breaking NC simply tells her that you're not a strong, confident man. That you simply can't live without her (you can and will). You can't force someone to love you and you most certainly can not "convince" them of their feelings.

 

The best thing you can do is walk away and leave them to their own thoughts. In the meantime, don't put your life on hold waiting for her.

 

Everyone has choices in life and if Thomas wants to call why not? Contacting the ex has nothing to do with self confedence!!! Where do you people get tis stuff. Oh because he is so madly in love with a woman it's going to show him as a weak guy!! NO way how many woman on here screams for this for there man to show them more love and caring? How many ppl on here scream for the attention from there partener? Do it Thomas call her.. If you decide to do this please just be prepaired for her not to be so in love as you are ... And i think that it is great that you love her so much .. Even after she pulled all of her stunts on you (anger, not sure what she wants , confussing you, changing her mind all the time) Unless she has gotten pro help this has not changed... But go ahead call and see.

 

Good Luck Thomas (I'll still marry you)

[Thomas X Forever]

Everyone has choices in life and if Thomas wants to call why not? Contacting the ex has nothing to do with self confedence!!! Where do you people get tis stuff. Oh because he is so madly in love with a woman it's going to show him as a weak guy!! NO way how many woman on here screams for this for there man to show them more love and caring? How many ppl on here scream for the attention from there partener? Do it Thomas call her.. If you decide to do this please just be prepaired for her not to be so in love as you are ... And i think that it is great that you love her so much .. Even after she pulled all of her stunts on you (anger, not sure what she wants , confussing you, changing her mind all the time) Unless she has gotten pro help this has not changed... But go ahead call and see.

 

Good Luck Thomas (I'll still marry you)

 

I wanted to select specific parts of this post to quote and reply to, but this entire paragraph is exceptional. You sound very down to Earth and realistic, and anti-jaded.

 

The part I bolded, however, is what I can't ignore. You're right, she still would be willing to rip my heart up if it suits her. I can't allow myself to ignore this. It's very black and white, and she has shown what is really important to her, and it's herself. Such a shame... because one day she will wish she had what others on here complained about, which is a guy that was really there. A real guy, who cared, who gave a damn.

 

Ah well.

 

You sound so familiar, too. Did you post your pic in a topic before? I don't know why, but I have this image of what I think I remember you looking like, but I am also 80% sure I'm wrong. Send me a pic!

[smookie]

I do not know how to do that...lol (send a picture)

Please tell me how....

 

I want to let you know that I am down to earth and I see things for what they are. I broke up with my ex because it's the best and healthy thing to do. I go through days where I want to call him and I want to say so many things to him however when I call him he is the same old guy. Thats when it sets in. IG: I call him and he is aruging with me and fighting with me about things that he had all the control over (I took him couch and loveseat) He is mad and angry with me because I did nto call him, Well I did call in and gave him a time and date as to when it needed to be out. It was no longer my issue as to inform hiim if I was living in the same place or not (I moved out of town). Well he wants to be mad at me and scream at me. Thats why I ended it tired of fighting over things. By the end of the convo he is still being rude and distant however he is asking for my help in doing things... This is what I delt with for a long time and I will never understand it. Thats why I said that to you.. Be ready for her to be the same old way she was .. I wish you the best of luck and I hope that she see's that you REALLY care for her! But sometimes (like my ex) they never get it, they never change .. like my son said he would be ok if he had a open mind to things but everything is his way or no way .. (son is 14 and stopped talking to me for a year due to the relationship) we have had contact (son and I) for the last 3 days, he contacted me and is excited to hear that his mother smartened up. (he had no clue about the break up)

Anyways explain how I can send a pic ... Please and thank you