Vicious_Delicious Posted August 4, 2009 Posted August 4, 2009 Hi all, Need some advice. Broke up with my first girlfriend about 5 months ago now. I called it off. Long story, but she was horrible, treated me really bad, despite all the things that I've done for her. She was a compulsive liar and played too many damn head games. She also never put as much effort into the relationship as I did. I gave so much of myself and she never was grateful or showed me much appreciation. She always had a way to make me feel so damned inadequate too. I ended it when we were out of the country on my month long business trip. I thought it would be a good idea to take her along. Big mistake. Anyways, I broke up with her out there, totally unloaded everything I was mad about on her and how I couldn't believe she was treating me the way she did. Also found out about some pretty ****ed up **** she was telling her friends back home. She was a different person to make after that. I even had to pay to have her flight bumped up to the next day and even drove her to the airport the next morning. I promised her dad I would get her home safe, and I'm a man of my word. I also wouldn't dare to put her out on the streets in a foreign country with no money. Hell, my parents even picked her up from the airport and drove her home because her parents couldn't pick her up. And she swore to me she would pay me back the money it cost to bump her flight up. I contacted her once I got back in the states and she was total bitch to me but swore that I would get my money. She also texted me saying that she had nothing else to say to me and that I would get my month in a couple of weeks. That was 5 months ago, and still nothing. I have not contacted her since because I didn't want to stire anything else up. To be quite honest, I don't care about the money. I'm most upset at myself for believing that she would pay me back. I've tried so many things to get her out of my head, but I still think about and even talk about her on a daily basis. I don't miss her one bit. I'm actually still extremely mad at her, and I'm having a tough time letting go. I've tried many things: - Seeing a counselor - Burning all the gifts she gave me - Writing a nasty letter to her (but not sending it) - Deleting her from my Myspace - Deleting her phone number - Cutting off all contact I've kind of shied away from dating other women because I'm afraid I'll get hurt again. I still have a lot of issues, and I don't think it's right for me to get into another relationship until my wounds have healed. So, why the hell can't I get her out of my head? What can I do to move on? Please help. I'm tired of thinking about her. I'm tired of being angry. I'm tired of feeling guilty for some of the things I said to her the night we broke up (even though she did even worse things to me). I realize now that she never deserved a good guy like me. Thoughts?
love_fool Posted August 4, 2009 Posted August 4, 2009 My ex played the exact same mind games, made me feel completely inadequate and put on a front to "make it easier to break up" yet he still had control and had me wrapped around my finger until the end. Somehow I overcame being a doormat and this was the outcome http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t197270/ I'm still in shock for doing what I did, because I for one am not the violent type at all, but I didn't realize that I had so much pent up anger inside of me that just shone through when I was caught off guard. It's going to be a neverending cycle, but you need to tell yourself time and time again you are the one who is control of your happiness and not her. Talk to everyone about it, just let it spill. The more you accept that she was wrong, the less you feel guilty. Don't look back, live in the moment with goals for the future. Time will heal, but you need to get her out of your circle, initiate NC indefinitely if you must.
EmperorR Posted August 4, 2009 Posted August 4, 2009 Takes time, been almost a year for me and I still have good and bad days. Try just to keep yourself busy, every day you should still think about her less and less. You will date again when your ready maybe you will get hurt again maybe not that's life
love_fool Posted August 4, 2009 Posted August 4, 2009 Oops, I didn't realize you already said you cut off all contact. You are aleady on the first step or overcoming the pain, she won't be able to hurt you again. Only time will heal the old ones.
BeSteady Posted August 4, 2009 Posted August 4, 2009 Try this book: http://www.amazon.com/Journey-Abandonment-Healing-Relationship-Beginning/dp/0425172287
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