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Posted
he texted me last nite saying he's going away 2 greece for 2 weeks, and that he's really struggling! i managed to NOT reply! and i'm maintaining NC!

 

i'm still a wailing banshee tho...crying all the time! where is the anger?

 

we are both 39! W is 43!

 

I am sure he IS struggling - taking 4 people to Greece for 2 weeks is pretty expensive. I'd guess he is going to drop at least $10k on this little vacation.

 

I can't imagine why their ages have any significance though, unless it's to show that they are in the prime of their lives together?

Posted

I agreed to a "pause" like your "break" the single most STUPID thing I did during the affair (no comments on how the affair was stupid, I will just ignore those).

 

Like other have said take the "break" to mean an end and just walk away.

Posted

Crud, I was hoping you were going to say you were 19-25

 

Honestly BB, you seem very immature. I KNOW first hand how hard it is but you seem to be over the top in all this which is why I thought you were younger.

 

You are 39 years old. Come on, time to stand up and stand on your own. You don't NEED this liar to survive. You lived before him; you will live without him (Great line to whoever first said it on the boards).

 

Get busy with friends, get busy with family - get busy and STOP all this.

 

HE IS MARRIED. HE IS WITH HIS WIFE ON VACATION.

 

Time for you to turn your life around; and make a life without him.

Posted
I am sure he IS struggling - taking 4 people to Greece for 2 weeks is pretty expensive. I'd guess he is going to drop at least $10k on this little vacation.

 

I can't imagine why their ages have any significance though, unless it's to show that they are in the prime of their lives together?

 

It matter to ME which is why I asked. I thought the poster was a young girl which is why she was so over the top drama about it all.

 

I guess I expect different behavior out of an almost 40 year old woman

 

ALL my energies are focussed on him, all i want to do is talk about my situation, i seem desperate to talk. and i know that my family, although supportive, are BORED of the same old tune.

 

i guess i know this is the start of the end, but life without him??? help!

 

I haven't had any heartbreaks, other than my marriage ending, so very inexperienced with coping!

 

I have managed NC overnight, and still continuing. That is very good for me, as we usually texted each other every 30mins!!

Posted

Sorry, i had missed that you had asked about her age. I agree - I would have thought she was much younger.

 

Adding - it always puts me in wonderment that grown-ups who have responsible jobs are able to text and chat so much during the day. Don't people pay attention to their jobs anymore?

Posted
it always puts me in wonderment that grown-ups who have responsible jobs are able to text and chat so much during the day. Don't people pay attention to their jobs anymore?
I totally agree. I am always amazed when people talk about how much they text during the day. Heck, I can barely text LOL

 

What happened to focusing on jobs during the work day?

Posted
I'm a MM coming out of an affair recently. My OW ended it because I had not left. She has maintained NC with me and I am respecting that. I lost her. I didn't do what I should have done...so I deserved to lose her. Actions speak louder than words. Withdrawal is hard but I think you need to maintain NC until he is divorced.

 

Wow!!! thanks for your post... Didn't think MM really cared or understood NC and what it REALLY stands for.

Posted

You lived before him; you will live without him (Great line to whoever first said it on the boards).

 

This was GEL's line and I still think I need to say it every time I think of XMM or any other man that comes my way

Posted

You asked why MM's don't leave a marriage they're unhappy with.

 

Well, it's because of you - the OW. They've already got you and going through a divorce would be an expensive, time consuming, painful experience that they naturally want to avoid.

 

Take away the thing that takes their mind off how bad their marriage is and maybe, just mayyyyybe, they'll divorce.

Posted

they rarely leave their wives. and all this 'i need a break stuff' is a good hint that you're expendable and being taken for granted [i.e. he thinks that he's the only option you have].

 

for your own sake let him go and let him come crawling back if he wishes...but don't crawl to him. he sounds like he's over you.

Posted

BB,

Somewhere deep down I think you know that he is not so wonderful. He isn't showing you any respect (making deadlines and then breaking them - with the capper being him telling you that those deadlines were meaningless anyway!). And now he's off on a 2 week romp with his W. And when he comes back, he wants to resume with you. How conveinient - FOR HIM.

 

My xMM broke pretty much every promise he ever made to me. Your guy sounds exactly the same. He's shown you over and over that his cake-eating behavior isn't going to change, The thing for you to do now is accept it and decide whether you want to stay in it knowing he will never leave or move on with your life.

 

Stop worrying about why he stays. It isn't important. Would it really make you feel better if you knew it was a financial move as opposed to him being in love with his wife? The end result is the same, so tell yourself whatever you have to in order to feel better. But the focus needs to be on you. What are you going to do now that it's obvious from his actions that he has chosen to stay in his M and keep you on the side by whatever means neccessary?

 

With an MM like this I can pretty well guarantee you that you will be having the exact same conversations with him 2 years from now as you have now. And you don't even have to take my word for it. This forum is littered with OW casualties from MM's like this.

Posted

He wants a break, because it is an affair he wants - not a divorce. He will either find a way to keep you in your place or start looking for a more compliant OW if he hasn't started already.

Posted

i guess the time frame of the specific two week window is a red flag that indicates he will be away and unavailable while he's out having fun with his family.

 

men don't take expensive trips when they plan to leave the wife - they do that to keep them happy and the marriage alive and interesting.

 

let me guess, he had sex with you right before he told you NC for two weeks... what did you think... he would come back after two weeks with everything just peachy?

 

i'm sure your demands got to him... or he got worried his W would find out, or he figures he can find someone more fun and not as demanding... he will.

 

take your power back! as a woman - you will find this very freeing - especially from HIM. tell him no more contact - ever. then go find happiness in yourself... that way any AVAILABLE man that comes along will be a bonus to your daily happiness!

 

if you feel a need to contact him - journal to yourself, or write a list of things that you deserve from a man, or remind yourself how worthy you are of a complete man (one who doesn't need to lie and betray the ones he claims to "love"), or just post here and we will give you strength and support.

 

be strong - you deserve way more than he is willing to give you. ;)

Posted

It seems to me that its not the trip - it may have been planned, they may have wanted to do it with the children, it may have been planned for a long time... really doesnt matter

 

Its the fact that he didnt tell you up front that he was going away. The way he went about it shows that he is not serious about moving forward with you.

 

He wants to keep you in the dark (calling it a break instead of telling you well beforehand he is going on a family vacation). And there is NO excuse for his timing - no matter what his lying lips may say.

 

He wants you to be available when its convenient for him and didnt want to risk you contacting him while he was away.

 

Even if you werent tapping your foot waiting for him to leave this is cr*p. And NOT the way he should be treating you.

 

Dont EVER contact him again except to tell him its over and not to contact you. And dont ever accept contact from him.

 

hes a player.

Posted

and i'd be sure and leave him that info (don't ever contact me again) on his phone while he's away. that way he comes home with the knowledge not to try and mess with you when he returns.

 

take the time while he's gone to start the healing and begin moving forward before he gets back.

Posted

Good point 2sunny. And DONT overlook this. DONT make excuses for him.

 

There were one or two things that happened when I was with xMM. I broke up with him on the spot, but I took him back and that was a big mistake. Those "little things" should have been red flags to me that as much as I wanted to believe differently, the A was never going to be what I wanted it to be.

 

So use your anger and your pain to start detaching from "the dream" because you can be sure as soon as he is back he will pour the charm on so heavily that it will be harder to resist.

 

Get off hte merry go round. It will only make you dizzy with despair.

Posted
He wants a break, because it is an affair he wants - not a divorce.

 

That is the perfect quote lucrezia. I think over 80% of all us OWs could use it to avoid all the drama and pain :)

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