hopesndreams Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 You sound like a great dad, really thoughtful and caring and capable of taking care of your young kids. The W does not. When the kids are very young, as yours are, they need constant attention, supervision and the feeling of being wanted. She seems to do none of those things, either because she isn't capable of it or just plain doesn't want to. What will the custody arrangements be? You are worried about them while they are with her yes? Perhaps she would welcome less time with them but to put it in such a way that she wouldn't be offended? Maybe she wouldn't mind having them every other weekend, and an afternoon through the week, like quite a few dads get. I say all this because my H's son, from his 1st marriage, was raised primarily by me and him while she got to "find" herself, and kids do get in the way for those that are selfish. If I'm completely out of line here, sorry.
Author phineas Posted August 10, 2009 Author Posted August 10, 2009 You sound like a great dad, really thoughtful and caring and capable of taking care of your young kids. The W does not. When the kids are very young, as yours are, they need constant attention, supervision and the feeling of being wanted. She seems to do none of those things, either because she isn't capable of it or just plain doesn't want to. What will the custody arrangements be? You are worried about them while they are with her yes? Perhaps she would welcome less time with them but to put it in such a way that she wouldn't be offended? Maybe she wouldn't mind having them every other weekend, and an afternoon through the week, like quite a few dads get. I say all this because my H's son, from his 1st marriage, was raised primarily by me and him while she got to "find" herself, and kids do get in the way for those that are selfish. If I'm completely out of line here, sorry. Not out of line at all. I'm a big fan of constructive critism. I for the most part agree. If I had to guess i'd say since our kid was about 6 months old she had been spending her entire day (until around noon to 1 depending on when she went to work) chatting with OM either online or her cell phone. I know for fact now. It was in her browser history. It was on her cell phone bill. She simply could not of been paying any attention to him while she was comunicating with him. So I believe you are right in that being a factor. I don't think she is a "bad" mother. She just needs to step up & start being a better mother. There is something going on still. It's like she goes from paying attention to them one day to not the next. I'm wondering if somehow OM is still in the picture, my kid still mentions his name a month after she told me was done with her. It doesn't really matter to me at this point because i'm not taking her back. Or maybe she had another guy I didn't know about & she's now focusing on him. I don't know. What I do know is some days both kids are clean & dressed in the nice clothes we have & other days their unbathed & either in rags (figuratively speaking) or wearing the same stuff they had on the day before. I have been taking them for the weekends for the most part because she works then. Custody is based on our work schedules. She works second shift with her weekend during the week. It's fairly even & if my family takes the kids for a sleep over one weekend night I take them the other & she has no problem with that. with the exception of golfing under the lights, I have no desire to go out during the weekend right now so I love spending it with my kids. Even if I start dating, I don't see myself giving up kid time to go on a date & whomever i'm dateing will need to understand that.
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