youngandinlove Posted August 3, 2009 Posted August 3, 2009 I have recently started dating a man who works at my job. He is an extremy attractive MD who for some reason approached me lol. He has recently filed for divorce this he says he did about a month ago and we have been dating for about 3 weeks now since he has. I really like him but i do not want to be hurt when he decides things are getting to be too restrictive something like a marriage. i dont want to get into a relationship either so we agree on that note. About his marriage though it didnt work out because he and his wife married too soon with out getting to know each other more.... I am extremly attracted to him but he is ready to do something with me and i do not know if it is the right thing right now for him or me. By something i mean (sex) Please be h0nest with me should i pump my breaks or should i let things happen naturally and see what his next move is?? __________________
gopher Posted August 3, 2009 Posted August 3, 2009 I think you need to trust your gut....but my opinion is.... A. He's not even divorced yet... B. Most if not all divorced people need time to heal and figure out who they are again, before jumping into another relationship..
boogieboy Posted August 3, 2009 Posted August 3, 2009 Yeah you might be a rebound, but youre obviously going to have sex with him anyways. So, go with the flow and know that he most likely will not want any commitment with you. Plus he will have to still be in touch with his ex-wife for quite a while, so you will have that to compete with. But on the other hand, you might be the girl that he forgets about everything else for, .....
steveraves Posted August 3, 2009 Posted August 3, 2009 Well you said neither of you want a relationship, so I guess I'm not really sure it makes a difference. If you do have sex wouldn't you ultimately be more or less friends with benefits? I am extremly attracted to him but he is ready to do something with me and i do not know if it is the right thing right now for him or me. He wants to have sex with you so it's the right thing for him. That's what he wants so don't be one of these people that want to do the right thing for him. Apparently he knows what he wants. The real question is What do YOU want? You should know the answer to that. If you want sex have sex, if you don't then don't.
carhill Posted August 3, 2009 Posted August 3, 2009 Have him invite you over to his new bachelor pad for dinner. I'll bet he's a good cook too
MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted August 3, 2009 Posted August 3, 2009 It sounds like he wants sex, his way of enjoying his new found freedom. It's not a bad thing, if you are okay with casual sex. And, as long as he's not the type to fall in love too quickly, and then crash realizing he still wants to be free. Why not talk about it first?
carhill Posted August 3, 2009 Posted August 3, 2009 And when he's regaling you with his charming personality and showing you his new home, the one he'll be living in now that he and his wife are getting a divorce, tell him you want to take things slow and feeling intimate sexually takes time. Are you afraid another nurse will snag him? Ah, the doctor mystique. Powerful stuff If he's still cooking for you after two months of no sex, but growing intimacy, then the tone of my somewhat sarcastic opinions will change
Art_Critic Posted August 3, 2009 Posted August 3, 2009 Is it safe to date a newly divorced man? No...unless you are dating him for sex only and nothing serious As someone who was one many years ago I can attest to the fact that I wasn't dating material for about a year AFTER the divorce was FINAL. I filed.. I wanted the divorce but it takes a while to put it all in perspective and recreate a new life and heal yourself to the point of being dateable again. It didn't stop me from trying though.. I did online dating after my divorce and women would freak out after they found out I was a new divorcee and they would disappear.. It hurt my feelings and I didn't understand what they were talking about till a year later when I looked at myself and compared myself to back then.. I was a mess honestly and so will your guy be... By the way.. Divorces can sometimes take years after the filing before they are final and there can be quite a bit of turmoil in his life at that time and then for a year after it is final.. This is of course only my opinion based on my experience but knowing why those girls ran from me after my divorce is very eye opening and I think it can pertain to just about anyone going thru a divorce.
carhill Posted August 3, 2009 Posted August 3, 2009 I love carhill! LOL, so *did* my wife I think I need to get a Bimmer and a white coat and get my stethoscope back from my female friend. I'm feeling doctorish OP, you do know what's going on here, right? I mean, I don't have to spell it out for you....
Art_Critic Posted August 3, 2009 Posted August 3, 2009 I think I need to get a Bimmer and a white coat and get my stethoscope back from my female friend. I'm feeling doctorish OP, you do know what's going on here, right? I mean, I don't have to spell it out for you.... Put your feet in the stirrups and scoot your butt forward ?
Lucky_One Posted August 3, 2009 Posted August 3, 2009 T-shirt sighting - "I'm not a gynecologist, but I'll take a look"
Hkizzle Posted August 4, 2009 Posted August 4, 2009 I have recently started dating a man who works at my job. He is an extremy attractive MD who for some reason approached me lol. He has recently filed for divorce this he says he did about a month ago and we have been dating for about 3 weeks now since he has. I really like him but i do not want to be hurt when he decides things are getting to be too restrictive something like a marriage. i dont want to get into a relationship either so we agree on that note. About his marriage though it didnt work out because he and his wife married too soon with out getting to know each other more.... I am extremly attracted to him but he is ready to do something with me and i do not know if it is the right thing right now for him or me. By something i mean (sex) Please be h0nest with me should i pump my breaks or should i let things happen naturally and see what his next move is?? __________________ If you want something casual that's fine. But this isn't a good start to anything serious. Also he works with you.........if it doesn't work out would it make things awkward at work?
HsMomma Posted August 4, 2009 Posted August 4, 2009 LOL, so *did* my wife I think I need to get a Bimmer and a white coat and get my stethoscope back from my female friend. I'm feeling doctorish OP, you do know what's going on here, right? I mean, I don't have to spell it out for you.... LMAO, carhill...you may want to update the avatar, though, if you want to get the big girls to play doctor with you! OP, the other posters are right...this is about sex, sex & ONLY sex. If you can detach your feelings from the act, go for it, but I must say, it's a very difficult thing for most women to do.
loveslife Posted August 4, 2009 Posted August 4, 2009 You seem to already know the answer to the question, but I'll play along NO, it's not safe for you to date this guy. Clearly, you don't want to fast-forward the relationship into sex and he does. I've tried to find loopholes in the newly-divorced-guys-don't-know-which-way-is-up clause but there just aren't any. And your guy isn't even divorced yet. Maybe tell him you really like him and maybe after he's had some time to get through the divorce you can try again. For now, maybe friends?
Lucky_One Posted August 4, 2009 Posted August 4, 2009 Red flag #1 Four weeks separated is NOT being newly divorced. Red flag #2 Doc already has a known track record of moving too fast, too soon into a relationship. Red flag #3 You are already trying to BS yourself into thinking that a FWB thing is ok by saying 'Oh I don't want a R either' but you are reluctant to have sex because you might get hurt. Red flag #4 Dating a guy at work is a good way to get a lot of unnecessary drama at work, and having a FB relationship with a guy at work is a good way to ruin your professional reputation and be known as the office slut. Red flag #5 Doctors have a bad rep already for being horn-dogs with nurses, and you need to approach this slowly. Red flag #6 Unless you have seen filed papers, you don't know exactly what has been done in his quest for a divorce.
2sure Posted August 4, 2009 Posted August 4, 2009 Your previous thread a few months ago depicted a similar scenerio only the MM was an international attorney. Between that affair and the one you are currently considering, surely you are no longer as inexperienced as you describe yourself to be. You seem to exclusively meet powerful men from various walks of life who are unavailable , want to take care of you , leave you feeling confused/conflicted as to whether they just want sex. Certainly it isnt difficult to find men like that, but I dont understand what your confusion is about?
Author youngandinlove Posted August 10, 2009 Author Posted August 10, 2009 Yes that was me. I left him alone a long time ago but we are good friends now.As for this new guy, all your responses just made me start to avoid him. Now hes text messaging me questions like, "do you still work here!?". I dont know if this makes me sound bad but I really wanted to have a sexual relationship with some one (him) no strings attatched. A guy I can trust to only be with me "sexually" and everything else he does wont matter to me. I dont care who that man is dating I dont care who he is flirting with at our job As long as he is only sleeping with me. The problem with this is not everyman can handle a relationship llike that with out F***ing it up. Im not a hoe im just not too fond of vibrators...lol I thought he would be a perfect match for me because he expressed to me that his "ex"wife is boring and too overbearing im the complete opposite when it comes to him, because of the type of relationship that I want from him....make sense ...ok go ahead and throw stones..
carhill Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 I think a separated male doctor and sexually monogamous are a contradiction in terms
LucreziaBorgia Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 In your particular case, it is safe to say that he isn't looking for anything more than casual dating.
SummerLady Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 I have recently started dating a man who works at my job. He is an extremy attractive MD who for some reason approached me lol. He has recently filed for divorce this he says he did about a month ago and we have been dating for about 3 weeks now since he has. I really like him but i do not want to be hurt when he decides things are getting to be too restrictive something like a marriage. i dont want to get into a relationship either so we agree on that note. About his marriage though it didnt work out because he and his wife married too soon with out getting to know each other more.... I am extremly attracted to him but he is ready to do something with me and i do not know if it is the right thing right now for him or me. By something i mean (sex) Please be h0nest with me should i pump my breaks or should i let things happen naturally and see what his next move is?? __________________ This is a hard question. Case by Case for this type of question. When I finally filed for divorce my marriage was way over. It was done. So while waiting to be legally divorced I was ready to date as I had issues for 2 years so for me I was"READY", it was time. I cannot speak for others. If someone is legally separated they have to make that decision on their own. I knew I was ready, I knew. I started dating after being separated 3 months. For others this may not work. I don't know what to tell you. You can just try it and take it from there. Sorry I could not give you a better ans but everyone is different.
bberryguy Posted August 11, 2009 Posted August 11, 2009 I agree with SummerLady. This is a case by case situation. I can tell you that for myself, I have been in the divorce process for 5-6 months and I started dating someone three months ago. I'm more than ready. My marriage was dead for the last three years. I'm just finally burying the corpse. During that three years, I had plenty of time to heal, rediscover myself, etc - which I did.
Author youngandinlove Posted August 12, 2009 Author Posted August 12, 2009 Wow you guys you all have been so insightful. He is fine but im not white coat chasing so he can go on along thank you!
Tayla Posted August 29, 2009 Posted August 29, 2009 Please review the posters others writing. Definitely has a hanker'n for married men....
spiderowl Posted August 29, 2009 Posted August 29, 2009 Nope, I'd be very wary of dating a newly divorced man. I have direct experience of this. Newly divorced people are finding themselves, learning who they were again before they were in a relationship. They are not emotionally prepared or available to get seriously involved with someone else. I think this particularly applies to men who seem to want to go on a NSA sex spree after divorce. They want to experience different women and to find out if they've still 'got it'. As I found, they also do want the emotional support from a sympathetic woman. Fortunately, the guy I met was honest with me. He didn't take advantage of my feelings for him, he knew he was emotionally unstable and going through this NSA phase. I respect him for that. I remember from my own separation that it took 2-3 years before I even considered other relationships. Newly divorced people need companionship, understanding, support and even sex, but a serious relationship - no. I know you won't want to hear this; neither did I. But you will at least retain your self-respect if you don't allow yourself to be one of his serial dating experiences. Assume he has to take a sabbatical for 2 years and leave him to it. If you really like him, keep some sort of contact and get in touch then. You'll have a better chance of something lasting with him after he's been through his 'wild oats' phase. Best of luck.
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