hendersongirl Posted August 3, 2009 Posted August 3, 2009 My bf and I have been fighting more and more recently (the last few months). The past couple of weeks we just seem to almost constantly argue over the smallest things. It's like a constant power struggle. It's totally doing my head in - I hate being always angry/upset (depending on which of us blew up at the other). I'm 22, he is 33. We've been together coming up 3 years, and lived together a year and a half. My question is - how do you know if its time to call it quits, or if it's just a bad patch and we will come through it when all our external stress dies down? I'm just so exhausted from all the drama.
steveraves Posted August 3, 2009 Posted August 3, 2009 I think if I were you I'd be concerned that.. 1. you're fighting over the smallest things 2. you chose to use the words "power struggle" 3. you hate ALWAYS being upset/angry. You also mentioned external stress, but didn't mention what that is.. Depending on what the "external stress" is that could be the cause of your problems. If that is something that will pass you may want to ride it out. If you think it's more than that you may want to do what the poster above said and take a break and re-evaluate what you want.
Author hendersongirl Posted August 4, 2009 Author Posted August 4, 2009 The external stress is university - we are both VERY busy doing our respective honours years and also stressed about getting a good PhD scholarship for next year... Partly is it this: both of us are paranoid that the other one will get the good scholarship and we wont - so they will leave or end up being held back by us, so we are studying extra hard, then whenever one gets a good grade the other feels insecure... Not competition, just worry that we wont get a scholarship to the same place. So we have been neglecting each other... ALL of our spare time is spent studying (or more accurately - staring at our books trying to break out of the paralysis and study)... A two week holiday is, unfortunately, TOTALLY out of the question. Ahh wouldn't that be nice.
Els Posted August 4, 2009 Posted August 4, 2009 Considering the level of commitment (you're both in this for the long term, not for fun), and the external factors I'd say hang on there. You do need to deal with the insecurities about grades part though, as hard as it is. Personally, I'd just put it out there and discuss what your plans would be should one of you succeed and another fail, to view your options and get the matter resolved. When will your honours year be done?
Author hendersongirl Posted August 5, 2009 Author Posted August 5, 2009 We'll be finished at the end of October. We've been getting on well over the last couple of days. We have discussed plans for next year... Hopefully it will last...!
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