long distance relationship and his family doesn't like me

[chezmozart]

Hi. This is my first thred... I am feeling so bad after yesterday's talk with my boyfirend. He's now in israel , i am in Hong Kong. He's israeli and i am Chinese. We communicate in English in daily life.

 

We met each other when he used to be an student at my university and i obtained master's degree in law there. When i knew him, i didn't notice that his family is extrememly wealthy, i noticed that until the first time I went to israel. Now we've been dated for 8 months. I want to go to Israel next year to work, I think in this way our relationship will not be that long-distanced. For me i don't care abt long-distance becasue my parents had been long-distanced for almost 5 years before they got married. But his side, his parents were divorced i think it's more or less affected the confidence in love for him. The visa policy in israel is very rigid, the only way to get work permit but not as a baby-sitter or domistic helper is to get partner visa, then you can have right to work, i mean get a normal job there.

 

Yesterday he told me his parents though i wanted him to hlep to make partner visa only in order to take all of his money in the future.....

 

I know i am not that rich, but i feel deeply being looked upon....

 

In order to go to Israel, i have to give up my current job in Hong Kong...

His parents say that's only my strategy to go there and take the money....

 

I've been to israel twice and bought air ticket using my scholarship (i obtained full scholraship to do my master's degree in Hong Kong)

His parents say "how can a poor Chinese afford going to israel twice using her own money"

 

I bought my apple macbook using my own money when i woked as a simutaneous interpreator of English-Chinese Chinese-English in China.

His parents say "how can she afford such expensive things using her own money"

 

His parents also told him "how can a Chinese family let their only girl go out of her country and come here without any purpose?"

The fact is my family sent me to a boarding school and the age of 15, and later on i went to colleague to another city far away from home and also to Hong Kong to do my master's .

 

All his parents are thinking is that i will go to israel, live with him, get married in the future, and take all the money....

 

They speak Russian and hebrew, i speak chinese and enlgish, maybe the communication casued such prob.

 

What i am thinking is going there, get my own aptment and have a job, enojoy relationship not in a long distance way and also enjoy my own life and career.

 

I always afraid of dating rich guys becasue i know such things will happen... and now it does happen... .but unfortunately i do really love him.... but at the same time, i feel deeply insulted, i mean my dignity as a human... I always work and study hard, be top student at school... i want a good relationship, just like my parents, want someone to love and want to be loved... I don't know why his parents think i am so complicated....

 

What can i do , what should i do, and i don't even know why i am writing here...i feel so down, so down....

[lizzy_09]

My best friend is of the same situation as yours. She's not very close with her mother-in-law. She thinks my BFF is only in for the money, she doesn't know that my BFF's family comes from the old rich family in our place and her grandfather used to be a senator of this country. Still, she just shows her in-law that she can very well stand on her own, even if she works for one of her husband's businesses. She doesn't ask for any financial assistance from him even if he offered. Everything she earned, she did out of her sweat and hardships. Don't let that get into you. Just be yourself and don't offer any explaination to them.

[Mountainlove]

to me it looks like as if you have to deal with some major cultural differences. I don't think his parents have something against you in person but they are scared about your whole background. You don't know what kind of experiences they had in life and if similar things have maybe happened to friends etc. You also don't know how open your boyfriend is with his parents-as there is the language problem. You don't know if he maybe keeps things sweet and short and not giving them the information they need.

I think all parents want the best for their children and if your boyfriends parents see that you want to make their son happy, I don't think they will have a problem with you.

It looks like as if they are alien to a girl having her own money and travel and to be independent.

I woudl suggest that you lern a bit about their culture and cltural differences so you understand their point of view. Maybe you could write them a letter to them and have your boyfriend translate it. But try not to take things too serious and against you.

Unfortunately most of us don't trust what we don't know and it is only by getting to know a person that any mistrust can be erased.

[chezmozart]

I think i will have some chance to try to explain things to his parents when i will go there again... he went to my city after we started to date for 1 month more or less, but i didn't take him to meet my parents bcs i thought at that time it was still to soon to meet them. Though my parents doesn't speak good english they just support every of my choices and they like him even only seeing his pic. (i did not tell them even till now that my bf is rich.. bcs i think it's totally unnecessary to do so )

 

My parents educated me 50% chinese way to be gentle, caring and polite , 50% western way to be independent, career leaded and have an open mind. I am always living in mixed thoughts so I found not so much barrier talking with people from any country (i have friends all over the world)

 

 

The bigger prob in my eyes is that his surroundings is totally absent of confidence in love.

 

His best friend does not believe in LDR, and try to get him out of it.

The guy's parents are divorced very badly.

 

Another his best best friend told him LDR will cause man's physical prob.

The girl's parents are separated.

 

he's also from a family that parents are divorced and re-married.. which mean i should deal with 4 of them instead of two...

 

I know well of israeli culture, and sincerely i think some israelis are too calculative... they really don't understand how to look things in a simple way and without over calculate the other side to think in a very complicated way.

 

I am not boasting myself but i really think i am a good person as well as a good girlfriend. I do things without purpose because i think it's really stupid to grab a guy just for his money because nobody can say a guy will have money all his life, esp businessman, what if bankruptcy?

 

I am from a not rich not poor but extremely happy family, my parents take each other out for dinner on valentine's day every year even they are almost 60 years old. They've experienced LDR for 5 years and passed another 5 years together then got married. My cousin got married after being with her fiance for 16 years, from 16-32. Among all my family member's dating history the minimum so far is 5 yrs if does not count me, since i always change places and move...

 

I don't want things to be in a hurry because i believe in true love and if i want to commit I don't want divorce... so it takes time to see if you really want to commit.

 

Just the surrounding of him is really annoying... maybe genetically people's attitudes towards relationship are different... GENETICALLY...

 

I am so afraid to lose him but i am not close to him in distance, what can i do to let him be far away from those unnecessary disturbance and think by himself.

 

Problem.....

[hoping2heal]

My parent's have said just about every terrible motive you can think of, about my partner. Believe me, it hasn't changed how I feel/view him an ounce. I love my family, but that doesn't make them always right. He's amazing, and if they could get past their own fear and ignorance, I think they would feel very lucky that their daughter has met someone who is so everything and wonderful as he is.

 

I also think that in time they WILL, but even if they NEVER did, it wouldn't matter to me. I love him and I KNOW how special he is and how blessed I am to have him in my life. If you two are in love, don't worry about how his family is acting, he will stand up to them.