ruggy Posted August 3, 2009 Posted August 3, 2009 Back in Sept/Oct time frame, I met this girl from eharm. This one, ironically, I thought would work out to more than it did. Had a few dates, but then she did not return my call, once. Now I have a small problem of not chasing after women. This is how I lost that woman from December (never called to try and find out the reason why she cancelled all of a sudden). Just happened again a few weeks back. I don't (and won't) let someone think they have something over on me. Works well sometimes, has been pretty bad with dating.. Anyways, in February, I decided to e-mail her (the one from Sept/Oct) and see if she would tell me why she broke contact a few months back. Said she was going through a lot personally and with fam. at that time, but all is well now, and she had a new boyfriend. Wished me well and said I am sure you'll (me) would find someone. Anyways, she's a cook and got her own local cooking show around here. Just saw it on TV. She needs some acting skills to put on a better show, but she was pretty good. Would it be out of line and say, hey just wanted to let you know I saw you on Comcast local and thought you were great. Tried a few of the recipes and they came out well. What do all of you think?
SoulSearch_CO Posted August 3, 2009 Posted August 3, 2009 Would it be out of line and say, hey just wanted to let you know I saw you on Comcast local and thought you were great. Tried a few of the recipes and they came out well. What do all of you think? I don't see any problem with the first part about seeing her and thinking she did a good job. The part about the recipes seems a little over the top and will come across phony.
Author ruggy Posted August 3, 2009 Author Posted August 3, 2009 But I did use one of them in the morning today. It is completely genuine. I was not looking for her on TV. She just popped up Sat. morning. I just don't want to come off as stalkerish or anything. You know, a guy who she only dated a few times. E-mailed her four months after we broke and now six months later... Then again, I really only wanted to complement her on the accomplishment. She's probably not single anymore. Then again, who knows.
Citizen Drawn Posted August 3, 2009 Posted August 3, 2009 Are you still interested in her? I'm seeing an unhealthy motivation for this compliment.
Author ruggy Posted August 3, 2009 Author Posted August 3, 2009 Yes, but that does not mean the compliment is genuine. I was just going to say was on the local tv channel here and saw your show. Nicely done and can see how this can lead to better things in the future for you. One, a woman getting on tv, even local tv, with her own show is an accomplishment in itself. I am only saying one easy e-mail with nothing from the past mentioned. Only her show. That is it. Was she a bit rough, yea, but it still was impressive for someone who's only 27.
Citizen Drawn Posted August 3, 2009 Posted August 3, 2009 ruggy, you probably have some feelings for this woman, this is how it's coming across. The thing is, she doesn't deserve the compliment, I'm sorry, but not returning your calls after you've been on a few dates is not acceptable. It does not sound like she made a humble apology to you either in her email. I would suggest for you own sanity, don't email her and don't watch her show. I'm sorry if this sounds a little harsh but you have to stick up for yourself.
SoulSearch_CO Posted August 3, 2009 Posted August 3, 2009 I stand by what I said. It WILL come across as forced and/or phony even if what you said was true. Or like you're trying too hard. Stick with the compliment and see if she writes back. If the conversation steers that direction, then you can mention it. But I wouldn't recommend it in the first email. Keep it short and sweet.
Author ruggy Posted August 3, 2009 Author Posted August 3, 2009 She did reply to my e-mail in Feb. In Oct, she did not respond to my txt message or e-mail. Again, said it was family issues. Her parents recently got divorced. This I know is true as she lives, or at least used to live with her mother. Again, I was watching tv. How would I know it was her until the show started? Was just going to give a friendly complement.
Author ruggy Posted August 3, 2009 Author Posted August 3, 2009 I stand by what I said. It WILL come across as forced and/or phony even if what you said was true. Or like you're trying too hard. Stick with the compliment and see if she writes back. If the conversation steers that direction, then you can mention it. But I wouldn't recommend it in the first email. Keep it short and sweet. Was thinking about that again too. Was going to say say you on tv. Looked very professional and forthcoming. Congrats on the tv show.
Citizen Drawn Posted August 3, 2009 Posted August 3, 2009 She did reply to my e-mail in Feb. In Oct, she did not respond to my txt message or e-mail. Again, said it was family issues. Her parents recently got divorced. This I know is true as she lives, or at least used to live with her mother. Again, I was watching tv. How would I know it was her until the show started? Was just going to give a friendly complement. Ruggy, I wasn't saying you shouldn't have watched her show, what I'm saying is that you shouldn't watch it in the future and it's better if you forget about this woman. I don't think making effort with this woman is a road you should continue down. I think her original behaviour towards you is inexcusable, and she doesn't deserve your compliments.
Author ruggy Posted August 3, 2009 Author Posted August 3, 2009 I will say I am bewildered on if I should do it. Both of you make very good points. However, I tend to try and see good in most people these days. Trying to be positive and not negative on all things. I would think if she was a flake then why respond to my e-mail a few months later on what happened? She could had blew me off in Feb. Here's here e-mail from February (gotta love Yahoo Mail) Thanks for writing. It's nice to hear from you. I hope your trip was fun. It sounds amazing where you went. I am sorry things could not work out for us. I actually had some personal things that came up around that time, and that's probably why I didn't get back to you. I do have a boyfriend now though, but you seem like a really great guy. I wish you the best in the future. Anyways, aside from this. It is just a harmless comment on a congratulatory nature. Its doubtful she'd say anything but thanks for the note.
Fay Posted August 3, 2009 Posted August 3, 2009 You're not listening - what everyone's telling you is "Don't send her any email whatsoever, or make any other contact with her at all." Because she disposed of you rather rudely and does not deserve contact from you. As a woman I can tell you that, in Womanese, her last email stated loud and clear "I'm sorry, but I was not, am not and will never be interested in you. Please do not contact me ever again. You're a great guy, I'm sure, so I wish you the best, but please go away. I'm trying to sound nice about this." If you send her the email, no matter how discreetly you word it, she will read it as, "I'm still thinking about you and am looking for an excuse to contact you. Blah blah blah please consider dating me again blah blah blah." Guaranteed.
Curious-One Posted August 3, 2009 Posted August 3, 2009 She did reply to my e-mail in Feb. In Oct, she did not respond to my txt message or e-mail. Again, said it was family issues. Her parents recently got divorced. This I know is true as she lives, or at least used to live with her mother. Again, I was watching tv. How would I know it was her until the show started? Was just going to give a friendly complement. Bro if you are not going to listen to the advice why post a question. Its not a good idea for you to keep trying to stay in touch with her. She has a NEW boyfriend and pretty much told you that you will find someone good. She didnt even say the line "lets just be friends since i got a new bf". Honestly i dont think the family problems was the issue... it was the fact that she didnt like you. Think about it if she had problems w family she might not have returned your calls or emails but once she solved them she would respond back. She never did instead she got a new bf and forgot about you. Now you constantly trying to contact her and that puts her off even more because its considered "needy". Pretty soon shes gonna start telling her friends how this guy is so annoying keeps sending her emails and trying to call her. You got to move on buddy. Edit (didnt read Fays reply before i replied) Fay is absolutely right on what she meant by that email. If she really liked you no amount of family problems would stop her from contacting you. You might not want to admit it but the reason you are thinking about sending her a email congratulating her is because you are hoping to stay in touch with her and maybe start dating her again in near future. I dont see that happening so i would suggest (like all others that replied) move on and go after another girl. There are plenty of fish in the sea!
2sure Posted August 3, 2009 Posted August 3, 2009 She turned you down. The reasons dont matter. She did it fairly politely. She didnt tell you to call her again. She said basically - Good Luck. She is not interested. She wanted to be sure you knew that and did not leave the door open. The door is still shut. You finding a backdoor in to communication doesnt change the fact that to her - the door is shut. Get it? To be honest I get the idea that if you email her about the show and she doesnt respond...you are going to say to yourself "Hey! She didnt mind the email, so now I can call her/email her again." Dont be one of those people that doesnt go away until you are rude to them.
Fay Posted August 3, 2009 Posted August 3, 2009 Dont be one of those people that doesnt go away until you are rude to them. OP, you might not realize that one of us women's biggest pet peeves is a guy who just can't take a hint.
carhill Posted August 3, 2009 Posted August 3, 2009 Interestingly, it's also that same inability that can be really attractive, all depending on one's perspective OP, look at the TV show another way. Enjoy the recipes and the cooking advice and use it to gauge your progress. My bet is, when you meet someone who does return your calls and doesn't have insurmountable family issues, then you'll be doing some other kind of 'cooking' while the show is on
Author ruggy Posted August 3, 2009 Author Posted August 3, 2009 Nah, I hear everyone's responses. Just can't catch a break this year. Adding insult to injury, though may not be the best thing to go through. Adding this failure to the stomach cancer I am fighting, fun stuff. Can't wait to see what's in line for me next year. Gotta love life's trials and tribulations. Ever feel there is a black cloud over you in whatever you do which will NEVER go away! Carhill, thanks, but that is ways off right now...
SoulSearch_CO Posted August 4, 2009 Posted August 4, 2009 Adding this failure to the stomach cancer I am fighting, fun stuff. Gees. I'm sorry to hear about this, Ruggy. That sucks. I don't even have strong words to say. I send you all my best and hope this is a battle you come out on top of.
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