dude12 Posted August 3, 2009 Posted August 3, 2009 Hey all, been lurking for a while and there is a lot of good advice here and hope y'all could help me. I was dating this girl for almost 2 years and then she broke it off two months ago, and didn't really give me a reason. I tried to make contact with her for a couple of weeks after, but she went NC immediately. I then sent her a goodbye e-mail 2 weeks ago just to make peace and put it behind me thinking I wouldn't hear from her again. The next week she writes back telling me that she's had it tough and been thinking about me and was sorry for the way things had ended. We decided to go out the next night and had fun. We talked the following day on the phone about where we stood and she said that the reason she went out was that she missed me. She then asked me why I wanted to see her and I hinted that I thought it might be a chance of us getting back together, didn't say it outright. She told me that wasn't her intent and was sorry and would understand if I didn't want to speak with her again. I told her that I would still like to talk to her. I was going to let some time pass before I talked to her again, but I went out last weekend and bumped into her at a club. Didn't really talk. I just said hi and followed my friends. She texted me once she left telling me to have fun, that I looked good, and asked me if I was doing anything after. She sent like 3-4 texts in all. I called her up because I was confused by what she wanted and we talked shortly but it really went nowhere. The following night she sends me another text hoping that I had a good day. I'm confused and don't know what she wants. I haven't contacted her since and am hesitant. Any input?
Mustain2234 Posted August 3, 2009 Posted August 3, 2009 Personally, before moving forward I would atleast find out why she dumped you. After two years of dating she owes you that. Anyone else believe the whole entire" I'll understand if you never want to speak to me again" is a red flag? It almost seems to me to be a phrase someone uses to gauge how attached one person is to another. I'm sure she really didn't expect you to say, "oh, ok -- I'll never speak to you again." It's just selfish in my mind. One clue that she's playing games. It reminds me of when a past ex told me, immediately following the breakup, "you can date other girls if you want." As if I'd immediately say, "OK" to that. Instead, I fell for her trap and went on about still liking her; which only inflated her ego.
MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted August 3, 2009 Posted August 3, 2009 Most women give a reason when they break up. When it's not the reason he wants to hear, or believes, he still acts as if he has no clue why she broke up. I have seen this so many times! She broke up with you. Get over it. What does she want? She doesn't want you, that is why she broke up with you. It either has nothing to do with you, and is about her, and she can't explain it herself and did her best to explain it to you. Or if it is something about you, it is probably something she realized she can't change about you and doesn't want to hurt your feelings. I only say this because I have done this.
carhill Posted August 3, 2009 Posted August 3, 2009 OP, she's just f*cking your mind now. Resist the urge to let her ejaculate in there. Take a good hard look at this in the cold light of day. What is she really doing for you? How is she benefiting your life? Yep, reality. M'fer it is. Good luck
Author dude12 Posted August 4, 2009 Author Posted August 4, 2009 Her reason for breaking up with me was that she 'might' have to move to get a job. She wanted to leave last fall, but I threatened to leave her if she did. We talked things over, and she decided to stay. I also told her just to think about it, and if she still wanted to move in 6 months time, I would go with her. I don't think she is just messing with me. I feel like she is confused about what she wants, as do some of our mutual friends. She has a job opportunity coming up in a couple of months that would cause her to relocate, but she is hoping to find something around here. She told me that her reason for still being here is because of something I wrote her a few days after the break. When I asked her if she broke it off because she thought I would leave her, she said yes. She does have abandonment issues.
boogieboy Posted August 4, 2009 Posted August 4, 2009 Shes full of it. Dont talk to her anymore, she lied to you about everything, and now shes just playing with your head because you let her. She gets off on playing with your head. Dont let her.
CaliGuy Posted August 4, 2009 Posted August 4, 2009 Here's an easy way to tell what your ex wants: If they want you, they'll do anything to be with you (including, many times, destroying their confidence, self-respect and self-esteem in many cases) to stay with you. If they feel you aren't the one, but still care about you, they'll talk to you only when they want some sort of validation. Once they start dating someone else they are really into, they will not talk to you. Do you see what I am saying here? It's quite easy to discern when you’re being strung along because there are no doubts about her intention if she really wants to be with you. If someone misses you and wants to be with you, they will LITERALLY (and I mean LITERALLY) beat down your front door to get to you. If there is any doubt, they will email/text/im or call OCCASIONALLY. But only when they want to feel good about themselves. Not because they want you. They just want to know that you are still pining over them.
Author dude12 Posted August 4, 2009 Author Posted August 4, 2009 Hey all. Thanks for your advice. I actually called her today and we talked for a little bit. Wasn't what I wanted to hear, but it did provide some closure. I told her that I was not going to contact her anymore and asked her to do the same. Don't feel great, but at least I know now that it's dead for good. Even though she dumped me, it gave me the satisfaction telling her not to contact me anymore.
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