gavinus Posted August 3, 2009 Posted August 3, 2009 basically my ex was Biopolar,(manic/depressive) she treated me bad for 3 years, (verbally, physically, emotionally), I let her get away with it because I believed it was my fault pretty much. She dumped me becuase as my therapist said I supported her to the point where she felt that great about herself I was no longer needed. I helped her get her house, job, helped clear her debts, etc. My birthday came and went, she dropped gifts off, I returned them and said thanks, but I want to keep my self respect, (I could not accept them because if I did, it would of said everything you did was ok, even though I told her I forgave her). She replied I respect your decision and wish you well (I wanted to reply that her treatment of me over the last 3 years was the complete opposite of her final text, but I stayed NC) that was 2 weeks ago. I feel terrible, the pain is ongoing, it is her birthday in about 10 days, but I cant send her anything because once again that will say I am ok with the way she treated me. I am losing the battle to stay strong!! Guilt, depression and pain are saying I am a terrible person and NC from her seems to confirm this, go to bed think about her.....get up think about her..............there seems no hope...........................
Dmoney28 Posted August 3, 2009 Posted August 3, 2009 Well, comming from a person who is bi-polar, it seem slike you put up with alot. I was diagnosed 2 years ago, and i put my ex-GF through hell. I didnt know how to control my actions and i was verbally abusive. I'm not making excuses for you ex, but having bi-polar is like being on a rollercoaster, not know when the ups or downs are comming...its like living a nightmare sometime. With that being said, you a great person for hanging in there so long. I can only imaging what you were dealing with. As i was on the other side of that argument. In that kind of relationship, both partners have to be dedicated to making it work if they love each other. The person with bi-polar needs to see a pshycologist and get meds, and seek counselling on how to control there life. And the "normal" person needs to be patient and understanding. But maybe it was for the best. Just hang in there bro. I'm there too
Author gavinus Posted August 3, 2009 Author Posted August 3, 2009 thanks for your support, I tried my best, I failed, it just hurts she is after a better deal elsewhere and I am left to pick up the pieces, good on you for being aware of what you need, take care my friend
BeSteady Posted August 3, 2009 Posted August 3, 2009 I hate to throw out new age words but a relationship like that you may be co-dependent. Meaning you focused on her issues and trying to make her better so you could ignore yourself. Part of the pain your feeling is that you lost your distraction. Now the time to ask the hard question and get the rewards the follow. What is it in me that felt that I deserved that treatment for 3 years? Likely you loved her the way you wanted to be loved...very caring, supported and nurturing. It sounds like you have a great ability to do so. Now use the same ability for yourself, stop thinking about her and start thing about you can care for yourself, is if your taking care of a love one. If you start to think about her, stop and say what do I need right now.
Author gavinus Posted August 4, 2009 Author Posted August 4, 2009 thank you. It is her birthday next week. Before I returned her present she said she would love to get a gift from me but only if I wanted to send it. The part of me that still loves her wants to acknowledge her birthday via a text or send a present (even though I returned her gifts to reclaim my self respect because if I accepted it that then would have said I accepted her treatment of me) the other part of me says you don't send somebody a gift or acknowledge them if they have really hurt you, (other people on the forum have said the same thing) I feel I can't win, I still care for her so therefore if I send nothing, how would that make me feel? but I have to respect myself,....text, gift....or nothing advice
BeSteady Posted August 4, 2009 Posted August 4, 2009 DON'T give her the gift. You already proved your a great, generous guy but the fact is she doesn't care. You said you can't win...yes you can, be kind to yourself, give yourself time to heal, learn to be properly selfish. Does this sound like someone you know: As adults, codependent people have a greater tendency to get involved in relationships with people who are perhaps unreliable, emotionally unavailable, or needy. And the codependent person tries to provide and control everything within the relationship without addressing their own needs or desires; setting themselves up for continued unfulfillment. You said you can't win...yes you can, be kind to yourself, give yourself time to heal, learn to be properly selfish. NOW READ THIS: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t81399/ Then read it again. And if you want her back read this: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t84894/
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