DSM2709 Posted August 3, 2009 Posted August 3, 2009 Just when I thought I could move on with my life, but still maintain a connection with my ex, I dropped the ball again. My ex and I have been apart for just over a week and half, I know it's not very long. However, I asked her this past friday if she wanted to get together saturday night for dinner and a movie, she said, "We'll see", not very promising, but whatever. She called me saturday afternoon to tell me that she was not going to be able to make it because she was working on a project for school, and she was at a bookstore. I said ok, no problem, and left it at that. Later that evening, as I was wallowing in my own self pity because of the breakup....my phone rang and it was her. Very surprised I was, she has said she was home, and that she had some clothes of mine still at her house. I asked if I could come get them, she said sure, Well, without even thinking first, I flew down there, and saw her and all she had for me for clothes was 2 shirts and a pair of underwear, and I'm thinking "you called me for this?" so, I was thinking there was more to why she wanted me down there, anyways, I played it cool, and talked to her about the house and the kids etc, etc. Then, I opened my big freakin mouth and started talking to her about if she's been sleeping around with anyone, to which she said "no", and also about our relationship problems. Instead of leaving that **** at the door, I brought up all the stuff that I shoudn't have. WHAT AN IDIOT!!!!!!!! She said to me that this was why she didn't invite me over the house sometimes, because I keep hashing up the past and not letting it go. I eventually stopped and said I was sorry, I sat down with her and we talked for a few more minutes, then I left. I think she wanted to spend time with me and, and because I openend my big mouth instead of just leaving well enough alone, I lost out on some "quality time". Now I have to wait even longer to talk to her or even see her because everytime I do see her I keep harping on the past, it pushes her away further. I did talk to her today, and apologized, and she said it was nice to see me until I brought up that crap again. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME?!?!?!? I love her so much, but we are at difference because I don't have the qualities she's looking for in a man, it's something I need to work on (Insecurity, jelousy etc etc). We are still talking to each other, but I think we def. need our space. How long should I wait to contact her again?
Thomas X Forever Posted August 3, 2009 Posted August 3, 2009 I'm gonna get yelled at for saying this, but hear me out. I'm not bragging, I'm not trying to sound cool, not trying to sound above anyone. Stick with me. I know psychology more than most people know how to breathe. I could name every disorder in the DSM-IV quicker than you could google them. I also know the science half of psychology. So you're asking yourself right now. Why is this seemingly conceited idiot saying this to me. Well, it's because I can safely tell you that with EVERYTHING I know about the human mind, psychology, and neuroscience, I can safely tell you that there's NOTHING you could've said or done to reverse her mind. It didn't matter you "opened your big mouth". You could've left it at hello and the outcome wouldn't be different! And even if it was TEMPORARILY different, the ship would still SINK! This is in reference to NOT only your break up, but to 90% of the breakups on this forum. IT is and was out of your hands to begin with, and you didn't screw a single thing up. Trust me. When I lost my first gf I was nuts and irrational, swearing and all. It didn't get her back. (Even tho I broke up with her) When I lost my most recent love, I knew enough about psychology to move an ocean, and NOTHING I did or said, calculated or strategized, did a single thing. No matter how well I lined up the chess pieces, I still couldn't save it. So then it comes to what you do now. It really doesn't matter. You can wait, or you can talk to her. No matter what you do, it'll still be in her hands, and no matter WHICH path you take, there's STILL the same concrete 4% chance you'll be successful. The odds are 96% chance your breakup (and all others here) are final. So the real question is. Are you a betting man?
Author DSM2709 Posted August 3, 2009 Author Posted August 3, 2009 So basically, let it go, and move on. But why can't I get this situation out of my head, all I did was beat myself up over this today.
itsjustme525 Posted August 3, 2009 Posted August 3, 2009 So basically, let it go, and move on. But why can't I get this situation out of my head, all I did was beat myself up over this today. Hi! I saw your post on my thread so I checked out your story. "So basically, let it go, and move on." Easier said than done, I can empathize. I'm not jealous while I'm in the relationship, my jealousy rears its ugly head when we break up and I obsess over whether or not my ex is going to be sleeping around. The thought of him being with another woman turns my stomach and seriously makes me want to puke... even if I DON'T want back in the relationship. I realize that I have no control or say over what he does when we're not together but it still takes time for me get past it. Ummmmm... I could tell you to stop beating yourself up... but I'm doing the same thing! So I'll suggest that you try not to overanalyze. The best advice I've received lately is to busy myself with anything that doesn't remind me of my ex. I've been working out, rearranging my furniture, cooking, etc. If I were you, I would give her a day or two of space at the very least. My ex is constantly texting and calling me and I wish he would just back off. I'll check back in on ya soon! Good luck!!
Thomas X Forever Posted August 3, 2009 Posted August 3, 2009 Of course there will be days that are hard. Every single day for me is hell. I'm just trying to give you some peace by telling you it's out of your control. And I told you what I did about my abilities in psychology, so you trust my opinion enough to let yourself have some peace. It doesn't matter how you play it. Sometimes I truly question God, but I never question psychology. And I'm telling you the answer. You can disappear or try desperately to talk to her. I've tried both, and everything in and out of between. IT DOESN'T MATTER. So in my opinion, just try until you're sick of trying, so that at least when you're left without her, you can tell yourself you tried.
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