DidiLU Posted August 2, 2009 Posted August 2, 2009 So I've had zero contact for a solid 2 days. I am fully functioning and back on track. If that man or any man really wanted me....I wouldn't have to think about it or post here. It's my fault I let him ignore me. I chased too hard. Oh well. Thanks for all your feedback, it did help.
Thomas X Forever Posted August 2, 2009 Posted August 2, 2009 I'm telling you what I'm about to tell you so that you are ready. I'm telling you it so you have your shield up and aren't caught off guard. YOU AREN'T OVER ANYTHING. 2 days NC, this hasn't even hit you yet. In about 4 months, THEN you'll really feel it. You aren't over this, you haven't even BEGUN yet. You better hold up that shield, and I hope it's fire proof, because you're walking straight into Hell, and there's not a damn thing you can do to avoid it.
Author DidiLU Posted August 2, 2009 Author Posted August 2, 2009 Thank you. I have been in hell for a few weeks, racking my brain while having NC from him. I agree with you but I have to compartmentalize this. I wasn't worth it to him. I pushed, pulled, begged, msgd thru email, text, fb you name it. I did this, not him. If I was him I would have ignored me too. I went stupid crazy over 1 week and 1 day and some lovely in betweens from being with him. It's not about him being nervous or shy, it's about me being stupid. I shouldn't have him because of what I did. So I'm gonna do what I do best get back to being me. Nice, calm, relaxed-as if he never happened. ( While I miss him for a bit longer) Because like I said, if I was worth forgiving- he'd have talked by now. Thomas, you'll move forward too because you are better then what you think- and whoever she is that hurt you is not worth it. Let her go.
Thomas X Forever Posted August 2, 2009 Posted August 2, 2009 Thank you. I have been in hell for a few weeks, racking my brain while having NC from him. I agree with you but I have to compartmentalize this. I wasn't worth it to him. I pushed, pulled, begged, msgd thru email, text, fb you name it. I did this, not him. If I was him I would have ignored me too. I went stupid crazy over 1 week and 1 day and some lovely in betweens from being with him. It's not about him being nervous or shy, it's about me being stupid. I shouldn't have him because of what I did. So I'm gonna do what I do best get back to being me. Nice, calm, relaxed-as if he never happened. ( While I miss him for a bit longer) Because like I said, if I was worth forgiving- he'd have talked by now. Thomas, you'll move forward too because you are better then what you think- and whoever she is that hurt you is not worth it. Let her go. Hmm, that was awfully kind of you to say those things... thank you. I appreciate it greatly... But as for you again, yes, that soudns good what you're planning to do... going back to being nice and calm and relaxed. Stay strong and do your best not to falter. You may not like yourself for all that begging and stuff you did... but at least when you're over this, you can look back and know you tried everything you could..
Author DidiLU Posted August 2, 2009 Author Posted August 2, 2009 No I did not like me at all. I'm not even close to being that woman--thats some crazy ass **** I did. Today I find it funny, tomorrow I may feel like hiding but I've taken ownership for my actions and if I am asked about them I won't be afraid to admit fault. I will not allow someone else to do this to me ever again and I will never allow myself to become so completely involved that I do this to another person or myself. That being said, if I hadn't gone crazy I would have been chilling with him some days. Life goes on, there are soooo many people in this world which means sooooo many more possibilities and I cannot wait to start again. Think about that.
Thomas X Forever Posted August 2, 2009 Posted August 2, 2009 You seem to be pretty mentally matured. You're going to be just fine. If only I had even a penny for everyone who fit the criteria for major disorders, I'd never be in dept for the rest of my life. That's why you being mentally mature is refreshing.... Forgive me for asking, but this begs the question. How old are you?
Author DidiLU Posted August 3, 2009 Author Posted August 3, 2009 That's a heavy duty question When you've worked in a corp business for 7 years then start your own business, when you've been through good vs bad, when you decide you're life is more involved, important, enriched, and needed...you start realizing who you are, what you want, what you won't settle for and what you're unwilling to sacrific. I failed myself a bit with some of this but I understand now. I'm only 30. You're 20s are meant to have fun-straight up, your 30s are to start living better, you 40s....I'm not ready for that.
Thomas X Forever Posted August 3, 2009 Posted August 3, 2009 Well you're well off. You'll be fine. Best wishes.. And as for me, I'm so ahead of my time. I hate that whole 20's bs. I don't like to drink. I don't like to go to bars. I don't like clubbing. I don't like using girls. I don't want to sleep around. I don't want meaningless relationships. I should start dating older girls.
Author DidiLU Posted August 3, 2009 Author Posted August 3, 2009 Let me tell you and anyone else about to read this.... You should. It's not about how old you are ( ok some situations it is ) its about who you are and who the other person is and how you are together. However--- if you want a relationship with anyone you have to understand and respect the others responsibilities as well. If you ain't working--not good, other things can be in this too. Like kids or no kids. Cars or no cars. Whatever it is, no matter how much you like someone, if you can't keep up on some of the levels- it ain't worth it. As for you, start listening to new music, music that doesn't relate to her and start going out, even with 1 friend and some good times. Laugh at stupidity until it hurts. It helps sooo much. Make new friends, do something new. Have random sex just because it's random and hopefully fun- just make it clear to the woman first. Lifes not worth living if you live it in the past. Show that girl she's not worth it, show her you are better then her- because you are and I am better then him. Seriously screw the ones that aren't with us now. There's a reason they won't make it to our tomorrows.
Adidas84 Posted August 3, 2009 Posted August 3, 2009 Let me tell you and anyone else about to read this.... You should. It's not about how old you are ( ok some situations it is ) its about who you are and who the other person is and how you are together. However--- if you want a relationship with anyone you have to understand and respect the others responsibilities as well. If you ain't working--not good, other things can be in this too. Like kids or no kids. Cars or no cars. Whatever it is, no matter how much you like someone, if you can't keep up on some of the levels- it ain't worth it. As for you, start listening to new music, music that doesn't relate to her and start going out, even with 1 friend and some good times. Laugh at stupidity until it hurts. It helps sooo much. Make new friends, do something new. Have random sex just because it's random and hopefully fun- just make it clear to the woman first. Lifes not worth living if you live it in the past. Show that girl she's not worth it, show her you are better then her- because you are and I am better then him. Seriously screw the ones that aren't with us now. There's a reason they won't make it to our tomorrows. Funny how the two people who talked crap to me are making a lot of sense in this thread. Thomas, I'm like you now. I'm way over that lifestyle. But all I seem to meet are "party girls". Guys, I tried doing the above. I've gone out and drank and hit on girls like crazy for the past couple weekends. I've taken two girls home. The 1st was drunken, sloppy sex with a girl that might as well been a whore. The second, she wasn't even cute, so I passed out. The whole weekend I was still missing my x-gf. At the bars I thought of how fun it'd be to be with her. I saw guys with their girls, having a blast. Then taking them home and doing whatever. I keep saying I'm over her, **** her, etc. So obvious I'm not. It did help to reach out and hang out with old friends. But once the party dies, once everyone's asleep, you wake up and grab the phone cuz you used to talk to her every morning..and now you don't.
Thomas X Forever Posted August 3, 2009 Posted August 3, 2009 Have random sex just because it's random and hopefully fun- just make it clear to the woman first. Are you kidding me? This is serious advice? I have to take back what I said about you earlier. You clearly have issues. Please don't give anyone else advice at this point. You should know a whole lot better than this by your 30's, my God. Grow up. Every bit of advice you have given is now invalid as far as I'm concerned. In the land of psychology, people who say things like that are not far from the same mental state as the people who cut and burn themselves.
Adidas84 Posted August 3, 2009 Posted August 3, 2009 How old are you man? Just wondering. I'm glad that I am at a point in my life where "getting ****ed up" and "getting laid" aren't my priorities anymore, or think they look cool to the general public.
Thomas X Forever Posted August 3, 2009 Posted August 3, 2009 I'm 22, but I realized at 18 how insanely lame, unproductive, weak minded, useless, and hilariously tool-like that type of lifestyle is. But that's because I knew an abnormal amount about behaviors, outcomes, potentials, and psychology by then. I saw far past peoples foolish immediate wants, and what they thought was cool. Although I am ashamed to admit this, I used to be amongst the typical football/party/popular crowds. But at least I can say I never took it to their level, as my common sense always prevailed. I have had sex with girls, but I was damn sure I was in a relationship and had true feelings with them first. People in their 30s like Didilu who are going around giving the advice that random sex is good and fun, are like, truly at a child like mind level. She most likely is 18 or under, mentally. I'd have to psychoanalyze her on a deeper level to know for sure, but my God, it sure as hell seems that way. She has no idea how truly bad that type of mentality is. The people out there who go for casual sex, are in damn near the EXACT same mental spectrum as "cutters".
Adidas84 Posted August 3, 2009 Posted August 3, 2009 I'm 22, but I realized at 18 how insanely lame, unproductive, weak minded, useless, and hilariously tool-like that type of lifestyle is. But that's because I knew an abnormal amount about behaviors, outcomes, potentials, and psychology by then. I saw far past peoples foolish immediate wants, and what they thought was cool. Although I am ashamed to admit this, I used to be amongst the typical football/party/popular crowds. But at least I can say I never took it to their level, as my common sense always prevailed. I have had sex with girls, but I was damn sure I was in a relationship and had true feelings with them first. People in their 30s like Didilu who are going around giving the advice that random sex is good and fun, are like, truly at a child like mind level. She most likely is 18 or under, mentally. I'd have to psychoanalyze her on a deeper level to know for sure, but my God, it sure as hell seems that way. She has no idea how truly bad that type of mentality is. The people out there who go for casual sex, are in damn near the EXACT same mental spectrum as "cutters". True, I figured we are the same age. I actually feel the same way in many respects, although it is tough to keep this notion/way of life when society is telling you not to. Like I said, I tried jumping right back into that lifestyle the past couple weekends to "get over" my ex. Pretty immature, and for your typical guy it would have worked. But when push came to shove, I didn't want to do it, not with her, not with anyone. No amount of drinks and sex is going to help you get over someone. Crowds go to clubs. Crowds go to bars. I've always known that if you follow the crowd, you will fail. Where do you meet the girls you are interested in? Also, the psychology **** is awesome. What books do you reccomend to get started?
Thomas X Forever Posted August 3, 2009 Posted August 3, 2009 No amount of drinks and sex is going to help you get over someone. It's a shame you are more mature than someone in their 30's. (Reference Didilu). You are absolutely correct. I've always known that if you follow the crowd, you will fail. Correct again. Very correct. Where do you meet the girls you are interested in? Also, the psychology **** is awesome. What books do you reccomend to get started? I meet girls at either starbucks, a book store, church, or SOMETIMES the internet, depending on if they sound/look like good people. As for psychology... It's really such a wide area of study that it's difficult for me to tell you exactly where to start. Maybe look up something called the DSM-IV. Read about it, read the disorders in it. But always keep in mind we all have symptoms of SO many disorders; the thing that separates having symptoms and having the disorder, is how OFTEN you have the symptoms. P.S., it's very difficult to self diagnose. Even with everything I knew, I still was wrong about myself. An actual PhD Neuropsych with 25 years experience (and by far one of the most intelligent people I've EVER seen) diagnosed me finally with 3 disorders. I was wrong, completely. I had these 3. 1). Clinical Depression 2). Generalized Anxiety Disorder 3). Minor form of Dependent Personality Disorder
Author DidiLU Posted August 4, 2009 Author Posted August 4, 2009 Are you both kidding me... You both just bashed me because I decided to suggest an idea---not a reality--- to you Thomas not you Adidas in a way to say GET OVER IT and GET OVER HER. Wow that was mean and HIGHLY uncalled for. I cannot understand why anyone could openly bash another person-- a person who is obviously on a board like this to ask for thoughts and maybe support. You two both gave a personal opinion towards me instead of simply reading a comment and either taking it or ignoring it. Thank you both for doing exactly what young and inexperienced people to--- bash others to make their own actions seem better. I am 30- why the hell would I lie about that?! And I am not even on your level. Thomas unless you have a degree and have worked in your field for a few solid years ( being 22 you haven't), your theories are just that, read from books, given in as home work, then quoted on a forum entitled Breaks and Break Ups as if to say I know more then you. Well until you really live life, get a grip and don't bash when you have NO IDEA wtf you're talking about. And Adidas--whatever.
Recommended Posts