dreamergrl Posted August 2, 2009 Posted August 2, 2009 In regards to http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t197060/ Since I'm friends with the other guy, in addition to that night, would be it be weird for the guy I like if I got invited over there, or am still hanging out with them (by invite) if he has not gotten in contact? I mean, I don't want to come across as I'm going over there to see him, or anything like that. But I enjoy the company, and always have fun.
Trialbyfire Posted August 3, 2009 Posted August 3, 2009 Whether it's weird for him or not, why change your life or restrict your social activities, over something that happened on the spur of the moment? If you see him, just be casual and friendly but not overly-so, so he's aware that it was a no-strings attached scenario. Say "hi" but let him do the approaching, for any further conversation. Just relax and be yourself. You both enjoyed the night, so leave it at that.
Author dreamergrl Posted August 3, 2009 Author Posted August 3, 2009 Thanks TBF! I can accept it for whatever it was (which I'm so proud of myself for these days), but now after learning how to just let go and enjoy things, I'm learning how to be after just letting things go. It was a great night, and even if it was just a ons, I wont regret it, I'm relishing in all the new experiences, with the new attitude I've got. I want to be myself, but of course I don't want him to think I'm coming over there, just for him...
Trialbyfire Posted August 3, 2009 Posted August 3, 2009 dreamer, there's nothing we can do about how other people perceive us or our actions. You'll find the ones who perceive you in a consistently negative way, are the ones you're better off not getting close to. This type of person is usually highly negative about themselves, as well, therefore, whether consciously or unconsciously, will need to tear you down to make themselves feel better about self. I hope you don't get offended but your mother is like that, although you've pushed her back and changed the dynamics of your relationship with her, which is fantastic! The more balanced and/or positive ones, are the ones who you want in your life.
Author dreamergrl Posted August 3, 2009 Author Posted August 3, 2009 Very true, one will think however they choose to think of me. I can only just be me and if someone doesn't like me, oh well for them. Kind of like the psycho roommate.. he hated me, or had some sort of nasty perception of me, but I didn't let him bring me down. I did what was needed to be done, got him out, because I didn't need the negativity, even just with a roommate. I do love the fact that I have a better relationship with my mom. Even still, with me out here, she stays in contact with me, she's encouraging, and I think happy for me. But I do understand what you meant with that statement. It doesn't offend me, because I see the truth in it. So I'm having a house warming bbq next weekend. I want to invite all my new friends. And while it just may have been a ons, I was thinking of maybe inviting him as well. I'm not sure. I mean, on one hand, I value all the friendships I've made, and would love for everyone to be there, but on the other hand, I don't want to be the girl who is trying to push something... is it pushing?
Trialbyfire Posted August 3, 2009 Posted August 3, 2009 IMO, the furthest you should go, is to send out a group invite by email. He knows where to find you, if he wants to get in touch. Myself, I wouldn't invite him, giving him the space he appears to need. Hopefully others will pitch in with more advice on what you could do.
loveslife Posted August 3, 2009 Posted August 3, 2009 I personally wouldn't invite him. The guy said he'd try and see you the next day but never even called, right? Okay, this is totally just my feeling but I would advise you to forget about the other people in that house for now. Give it all some space.
Author dreamergrl Posted August 3, 2009 Author Posted August 3, 2009 I personally wouldn't invite him. The guy said he'd try and see you the next day but never even called, right? Okay, this is totally just my feeling but I would advise you to forget about the other people in that house for now. Give it all some space. Just curious.... what gives you that feeling? To leave both of them alone?
Author dreamergrl Posted August 3, 2009 Author Posted August 3, 2009 IMO, the furthest you should go, is to send out a group invite by email. He knows where to find you, if he wants to get in touch. Myself, I wouldn't invite him, giving him the space he appears to need. Hopefully others will pitch in with more advice on what you could do. Well - I'm sure he'll hear off the party word of mouth, if he shows then he does. If not, oh well. I was also thinking of inviting this guy who took me out for dinner and drinks...
carhill Posted August 3, 2009 Posted August 3, 2009 You're single. Invite whom you wish. It's your home.
Lucky_One Posted August 3, 2009 Posted August 3, 2009 Invite whomever you want to invite. Right now, you are overthinking the situation again. Let HIM think about what he wants to do, IF you decide to invite him.
Author dreamergrl Posted August 3, 2009 Author Posted August 3, 2009 Invite whomever you want to invite. Right now, you are overthinking the situation again. Let HIM think about what he wants to do, IF you decide to invite him. Dang it! :D:D I think I'll let him hear about it by word of mouth, and invite the guy who took me out for dinner Although, I must say, it would be very weird for both of them to be there.... two guys that dreamer is attracted too - could be dangerous
loveslife Posted August 4, 2009 Posted August 4, 2009 Hi Dreamer, I tried to post again yesterday but it didn't show up and then I couldn't access the site. Anyway, the reason I think you should not invite the guy's roommate or his other housemates is because I think it would be awkward. I've been following your posts and you tend to get involved in dramatic situations and/or overthink. I suspect if the roommate(s) come to your party you'll be analyzing what impression they're getting. I also think you'll be curious if the guy said anything about you to them. In my experience, it generally doesn't feel very good to run into friends of people you have one-night-stands with. You know that they know and wonder how/if they're judging you, etc. (You had sex with someone you barely knew on their living room floor.) The other responses are good and would be accurate probably if you were someone else. I think you still being attracted to the guy after he didn't even call the next day shows that you need some space from the whole thing. Just my opinion. Invite people there would be no drama with and get things off on a good footing in your new hometown.
Author dreamergrl Posted August 4, 2009 Author Posted August 4, 2009 Hi Dreamer, I tried to post again yesterday but it didn't show up and then I couldn't access the site. Me either... dang ls Anyway, the reason I think you should not invite the guy's roommate or his other housemates is because I think it would be awkward. I've been following your posts and you tend to get involved in dramatic situations and/or overthink. I suspect if the roommate(s) come to your party you'll be analyzing what impression they're getting. I also think you'll be curious if the guy said anything about you to them. I don't think it wil be be awkward for me, but for them? Grant, I'd be cruous.. but I'm okay with whatever it was/is. See the one friend, the one I didn't sleep with, has been extremely helpful for me out here, and invited me too a bbq there... and I've been talking about this bbq I want to have before any of this happened. You don't think it'd be rude to just not invite him now? In my experience, it generally doesn't feel very good to run into friends of people you have one-night-stands with. You know that they know and wonder how/if they're judging you, etc. (You had sex with someone you barely knew on their living room floor.) I get what you're saying... but if someone wants to judge me on something that I have no regrets about, then that is on them. I know what I did, but I made the choice, and I'm okay with it. The other responses are good and would be accurate probably if you were someone else. I think you still being attracted to the guy after he didn't even call the next day shows that you need some space from the whole thing. Yeah, I am attracted to the guy, but I'm attracted to a few guys out here But I am honestly okay with what happened, and I don't feel awkward about it. Maybe it sounds bad, but the whole night was one big stress reliever for me. Even if nothing comes from it, that doesn't bother me. Which, for me, I think is a great step forward. Just my opinion. Invite people there would be no drama with and get things off on a good footing in your new hometown.
loveslife Posted August 4, 2009 Posted August 4, 2009 Hi Dreamergrl, Well, I'm really impressed that you're really okay with all of this. I guess I'm just feeling a bit mother hen-like. Since you've been telling the one guy about the BBQ, and he's been so helpful to you, then you probably should invite him. Good luck and have fun!!
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