Weary30 Posted August 2, 2009 Posted August 2, 2009 I wasn't sure if I should put this topic in friends or dating, but here goes. I'll try and keep this as short and as simple as possible I have been friends with a woman for over a year (I am female as well), and up until about 6 months ago things were great. We did lots of things together, hung out chatted about many things. I knew she had pre-existing psychological issues (namely anxiety and despression), however I didn't really see it affecting her that much. In the last 6 months she seems to be getting far more volitile, irrational, sporadic and impulsive. She would ditch me for no reason (if we had plans for example), go on long winded tirades about work or men or about other people she knew. I would notice that the things she got upset about didn't really make sense. I tried talking to her about it, and she blows it off or sweeps it under the rug. So its all been wearing really thin and some days I have to struggle just to remain friends with her. About 2 months ago, she started inviting this guy that she is acquaintences with, to do things with us. She had a dinner party one night, and invited him then....and since then invited him to some movies, dinners and drinks. I asked her a few times if she was interested in him, on more than a platonic level and she always said no. I was curious about him from the start, but I didn't say anything or do anything about it...I was just kind of sitting back and seeing if anything would develop between either of us. We had gone out last week, and the three of us had a good time, or so I thought. We were all joking around and having fun, and nothing seemed amiss until a day or two later. My friend told me she "bawled him out" for being flaky, and comparing the two of us, for being mean and telling him all the things that bugged her about him (via email or IM). I thought it was really random. She then followed up with "Ya, he wants to do you" and I was like "Um, pardon?", and she said he was attracted to me. The entire thing didn't make much sense to me. Me and this guy only exchanged email addresses a few days ago, but later that day (after my friend told me about her blow up), I had an email from him that was copy and pasted from their fight, all the things that she said. Honestly, it was filthy. Every responce she made to him was like "Whatever! You just want to F her" like literlly 10-15 times. It was all about how he used her to get to me (which I don't think is true at all), How he will do anyone (um, thanks??), that he only likes me because of the size of my chest. She completely went nuts and berated him and in the process of doing so completely slammed me. And all I kept thinking was that I don't want to be friends with someone who belittles me and speak so derogatory about me to someone else. I responded to his email after I read all of it, and I said that I was upset that she spoke about me that way...and I asked him why he thought she had reacted that way. He told me that he thought we were all having fun, and he thinks this stems from her issues with men. He wished me a good weekend, and said he probably shouldn't have sent the first email, but that she just wouldn't stop (the tirade). I talked to her again...and not wanting to spill the beans on knowing what she wrote, asked her again what the problem was...and that was a 30 min meltdown about how mean he is....everytime I tried to interject she ignored me or interrupted me. It's like she doesn't want ANY evidence of the contrary. I don't think I can be friends with her anymore...and I am really just upset that she took someone being interested in me as so offensive. I don't know if she liked him...I asked her numerous times, she always said no. He didn't volunteer anything (Nothing like...oh she's mad at me cause I won't go out with her or anything like that). It just makes me feel like she went out of her way to ruin something, instead of being a good friend and being supportive. So I wonder, after all that...if he is even going to bother with me. I don't know if he still wants to be friends with her, I am still curious about him, and I don't know if we'll ever go on a date or even talk now. Regardless if we do or not, I am not going to stay friends with her. But what do you guys think, do you think she ruined it all?
Jimmy's_Brother Posted August 2, 2009 Posted August 2, 2009 I think she's a crazy chick with some serious emotional issues. I'd use terms like borderline and narcissist but then the masses would start crying armchair psychology. Run, run, run from this "friend" and never look back.
Author Weary30 Posted August 2, 2009 Author Posted August 2, 2009 Oh I am already a running... Just sucks because I kinda like the guy, if she hasn't ruined it already, I can imagine she'll do her best. I would like to say that the guy can decide for himself, but I don't imagine most men willingly involve themselves in this kind of drama.
D-Lish Posted August 2, 2009 Posted August 2, 2009 I would like to say that the guy can decide for himself, but I don't imagine most men willingly involve themselves in this kind of drama. It's not your drama, it's her drama. I think it's clear he is able to make this distinction, because he reached out to you. Your friend is a nutter. I've known people like that and when you are around them you can almost smell the crazy. I'd cut contact with her and remain in touch with him.
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