phoenix1 Posted August 2, 2009 Posted August 2, 2009 Just found this sight by accident, and it's helpful to know others are out there. I just broke up with my bf of 3 yrs 2 weeks ago. This is our 2nd break up. Last time (about 5 months ago) he left me, and after having almost no contact for two months, he came back around telling me everything I wanted to hear, and I fell for it. It was good for about a month, and then he just kind of emotionally checked out. We became distant in a way that we had never been. It's so painful to be in a relationship and feel lonely. I kept hoping it would change, but after about 6 weeks, I couldn't take it anymore. I love him, and I know he loves me. Major commitment and intimacy problems are the issue here. And he's not willing to do anything about them. This so hard for me because we had a great relationship for 2 1/2 yrs. We always laughed about how easy it was. It was the kind of relationship other people would envy, and I felt like this time, it's really it. A few tragedies happened to us 6 months ago right before we broke up the first time, and he just freaked out and left. Things have never been the same since. I am much more accepting of what is this time, and more resigned to the fact that this needs to be over. But I am in so much pain and can't believe he won't be part of my life. I feel foolish because I am heartbroken, and he appears to be just carrying on, living it up. I have been in no contact for almost 2 weeks, and my pride keeps me on that. And honestly, I have ulterior motives, I want him to miss me. Also, if he contacts me, I don't think I can't not respond. And, it is almost a sure thing, that he will come around at some point, and I don't know how to say no to someone I love and want to be with. There is nothing quite like the pain of a heart break and this is my worst one ever........
lorilynne Posted August 2, 2009 Posted August 2, 2009 Welcome Phoenix. You are not alone. I was with my ex for 3 years off and on & he has about a 2-4 week break-up schedule then comes back & says "all the right things". You just gotta focus on all the wrong things. I think people like this feel like they have to hurt you and see if you take them back to prove that you really love them. Sick, huh? You're doing the right thing by posting here. Let us help you through this. That's not to say you won't get weak and maybe even make some mistakes through this but that's what we're here for.
moo Posted August 2, 2009 Posted August 2, 2009 Hi Phoenix, I'm dealing with a break up too. My ex started a relationship with another woman a few days after we had a bad argument. It's unbearable sometimes, but I'm hanging on.
donna29 Posted August 2, 2009 Posted August 2, 2009 Hiya, Im new and dealing with a break up too, i found a hidden mobile phone with texts galore proving he was cheating, later finding out he has been living a double life with someone else for 3 yrs, in amongst all this we have a little boy.........i know how you feel i loved this man with my heart he was all id ever know for 10yrs then to find this almost killed me.....im 5 weeks on and still as heartbroken as ever so your not alone it hurts....xx
boogieboy Posted August 2, 2009 Posted August 2, 2009 I have been in no contact for almost 2 weeks, and my pride keeps me on that. And honestly, I have ulterior motives, I want him to miss me. Also, if he contacts me, I don't think I can't not respond. And, it is almost a sure thing, that he will come around at some point, and I don't know how to say no to someone I love and want to be with. There is nothing quite like the pain of a heart break and this is my worst one ever........ Your ulterior motives will never be satisfied if you cant say no to him. He will never miss you if you will take him back. He checked out of your relationship in the last few months, then he isnt really missing you and he wont anymore. Hes out partying, and having fun. He just uses you for company for the time being until he finds someone else. Now you can allow yourself to be used, but if you REALLY want him to miss you, then you can make the ultimate sacrifice (which I know is ridiculously hard after 10 years) and never let him contact you again. You have to WANT to move on. As long as you want him back, you wont heal. Other than that, it will take months for you to stop thinking about him constantly.
broken_promises Posted August 2, 2009 Posted August 2, 2009 Hey there... very, very similar to my situation. 3-1/2 years, commitment problems that he won't admit/work on, and staying NC despite the difficulty in feeling like I want to desperately respond to his last email and voicemail messages. It's so hard because I loved him and didn't want to break up. But you can't be with someone who can't fully be with you the way you want/deserve to be. The feeling of being lonely in a relationship is so excruciating. And, like your ex, watching as they just move on after you end things is the final salt in the wound. I'm sorry we both have to be going through this. I hope that there are good things and positive people waiting for us on the other side of all of this struggle.
Recommended Posts