Author loveslife Posted August 2, 2009 Author Posted August 2, 2009 If you guys wanna debate this start your own thread. K?
Jimmy's_Brother Posted August 2, 2009 Posted August 2, 2009 It's such a shame to see an interesting thread get derailed by semantics and in-bickering. The sort of thing that represents the utter negativity and waste of people's time that I've seen on here so far. Who cares if a player is psycho/socio/whatever? Just stay away from them or run at the first indication that they are one.
Author loveslife Posted August 2, 2009 Author Posted August 2, 2009 I think it's funny that J's dating profile stated three times how "honest" he was. How he "can't lie," and how is "honest to a fault." Sure, when asked a question he doesn't lie, but he had no problem not telling me about the other girl he was sleeping with. He saw no problem with that. I guess people have different perceptions about deception. Pandagirl, I get the impresssion that the more someone insists they're honest the more dishonest they actually are.
Trialbyfire Posted August 2, 2009 Posted August 2, 2009 No, it's not.Oh, how so? TBF, I think Hkizzle is making some very valid points. I'm really confused about what getting you so worked up. You're not making sense.Surprisingly, I'm not worked up. Just disputing his points that people lying don't know they're lying. There are situations of trauma that can cause momentary insanity but to say that people don't know they're lying, I'll have to throw down the b/s flag for, at least in respect to sane people.
Hkizzle Posted August 2, 2009 Posted August 2, 2009 No, it's not. TBF, I think Hkizzle is making some very valid points. I'm really confused about what getting you so worked up. You're not making sense. Sorry for hijacking the thread. I just get ticked off when someone don't have the facts right and insisting they're right, even when the information is clearly presented to them. Then they're no longer trying to get to the truth, they're just sticking with their incorrect opinions because they are stubborn. Back to players. The thing with the original two points we discussed about is that many women are unable to follow those two points, lol...... They want clear indications that a guy is a player. For example. If I tell a female friend of mine a guy is a player then she will stay away from him like the plague. If I don't say anything, most are unable to stop the guy is a player. I've observed this many times.
Author loveslife Posted August 2, 2009 Author Posted August 2, 2009 Back to players. The thing with the original two points we discussed about is that many women are unable to follow those two points, lol...... They want clear indications that a guy is a player. For example. If I tell a female friend of mine a guy is a player then she will stay away from him like the plague. If I don't say anything, most are unable to stop the guy is a player. I've observed this many times. I think a lot of time women do lie to themselves about men. We see the behaviors but detach ourselves from them. We somehow maybe trick ourselves into believing they're not real. So when a friend tells us the truth it becomes real. When I had a recent bad experience with someone I decided to tell my closest friends what happened without clouding issues or making excuses for him. That way it makes it real. And it will also prevent me from letting myself get involved again since these particular friends would call me out on it. Our minds can definitely play tricks on us. We need to build ourselves up.
pandagirl Posted August 2, 2009 Posted August 2, 2009 Oh, how so? Surprisingly, I'm not worked up. Just disputing his points that people lying don't know they're lying. There are situations of trauma that can cause momentary insanity but to say that people don't know they're lying, I'll have to throw down the b/s flag for, at least in respect to sane people. I'd have to agree with this. Most sane people know when they are being deceptive. Those that can rationalize their behavior are seriously selfish/in denial for their own benefit.
Trialbyfire Posted August 2, 2009 Posted August 2, 2009 I'd have to agree with this. Most sane people know when they are being deceptive. Those that can rationalize their behavior are seriously selfish/in denial for their own benefit.And therein lies the enabling of player behaviour!!!! "I don't realize what I'm doing, therefore, it's okay to do it."
pandagirl Posted August 2, 2009 Posted August 2, 2009 I think a lot of time women do lie to themselves about men. We see the behaviors but detach ourselves from them. We somehow maybe trick ourselves into believing they're not real. I don't think I was lying to myself. I saw the signs, but like I said before, it is completely BEYOND my comprehension that a person would behave in such a way. To me, it's not possible to consciously act without a conscious. Instead, maybe I'm just incredibly naive about human nature.
Hkizzle Posted August 2, 2009 Posted August 2, 2009 I'd have to agree with this. Most sane people know when they are being deceptive. Those that can rationalize their behavior are seriously selfish/in denial for their own benefit. When I first said your ex was a player and everyone said he was a jerk. You said he was a nice guy........ Denial is a very common phenonmenon. It's not all negative, it's just a way for the brain to protect a belief. In the case of players or anyone that lies. The brain puts them in a state where they keep doing what they're doing and still think they are a good person.
Author loveslife Posted August 2, 2009 Author Posted August 2, 2009 I'd have to agree with this. Most sane people know when they are being deceptive. Those that can rationalize their behavior are seriously selfish/in denial for their own benefit. Yes, of course they are. But it happens - a lot, I would guess. I think all this disagreement is a matter of semantics. Lets just agree that sometimes people do lie to themselves. Whether they're sociopaths, pathological liars or having a bad trip. It does happen. Pleeeeaze.........
Author loveslife Posted August 2, 2009 Author Posted August 2, 2009 When I first said your ex was a player and everyone said he was a jerk. You said he was a nice guy........ Denial is a very common phenonmenon. It's not all negative, it's just a way for the brain to protect a belief. In the case of players or anyone that lies. The brain puts them in a state where they keep doing what they're doing and still think they are a good person. Well, see, that is what is interesting - and one of my original points - it's not just the player that lies to themself about their behavior. It takes two people to have any relationship. The playee is often lying to themself about how they're being played (raising hand - been there.) They want to perpetuate the illusion as well.
You'reasian Posted August 2, 2009 Posted August 2, 2009 A player will have charm without much in the way of character. If you don't want a player then be on the look-out for someone with lots of character (and that can be pretty charming as well.) I don't think it's much more complicated than that. Thoughts? Gotta look at the bigger picture. What's happening on the floor level. Most people use bars and clubs to meet others, because they are relatively cheap, entertaining and require little of its patrons. Players are abundant in bars and clubs. Approaches have to be quick, playfull, flirty and sexy since contact between a guy and gal is usually on a first-time basis, with little to some potential for recurring visits. Its the media equivalent of a 30-second clip, so not only does the guy have to be dressed to impress on the spot, he's got to win her over quickly. Women expect it. How often do you hear a woman blurt "Check out that guy! He's got grrrreat character!!!" If a guy goes into a bar or club brimming with confidence and a single minded, intense desire to hook up, he's won half the battle. The other half is his game (dress, attitude, charm etc.) Character is an attribute of a long-term relationship; its not gonna create sparks but it'll keep the fire burning over time.
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