goatboytone Posted August 2, 2009 Posted August 2, 2009 Hey guys. I've been with this woman for almost a year now. At first it seemed like we were both head over heels in love. After just a few days of being together we were talking about kids and marraige. We both agreed that we had an instant connection and that we'd never met anyone like each other. But very slowly I started to notice that she was getting more distant from me. A few times over the past months she has said she needed space only to change her mind and confirm that she really loved me. I was my birthday just last week and she did some really romantic stuff for me and basically made me feel like a king. Just a few days later though she came round looking realy sad and distant. She told me that she needed space and I could tell this time she really meant it. She tells me that she doesn't want us to be over and that she still loves me, but is just feeling a little trapped and depressed about something, but that she doesnt know what (she has suffered from depression in the past befoe we met). At first I cried and was really upset, I said that I loved her and no matter what she was going through I wanted to be there with her, but after a while I calmed down a little, only contacted her when she contacted me etc. She rang me just a day later and told me that she really missed me, so I said why don't I come over? She said okay and we spent an amazing night together, we just felt so, so close. The next day we agreed we should still spend more time apart, but ended up hanging out for a while until she became down again and left our friends where we were together. Then she rings me a few hours later to tell me she's in bed and that she misses me. What am I supposed to do here? I miss her so badly and am in tears at the thought of her having second thoughts about us, but she is being so hot and cold that it's sometimes just as painful to be with her. I really don't know what to do. I've stopped eating and sleeping, it seems like the end of the world to me. Please help. Thanks.
Mimsicles Posted August 2, 2009 Posted August 2, 2009 I am going through more or less the same as you with my boyfriend. After 2 and a half years he says he needs a break to sort his head out, but says he misses me and loves me. The best thing for you to do, and i know its hard but to stop all contact for a couple of weeks. If she tries getting in touch with you, leave it a few days before talking to her. This way she will realise hopefully that she needs you. I have gone a whole 24 hours without speaking to mine, my fingers are dying to text but i know it wont do the break any good. Start eating you will need to, i went 3 days without only to collapse in work.
adamt Posted August 2, 2009 Posted August 2, 2009 Hey guys. I've been with this woman for almost a year now. At first it seemed like we were both head over heels in love. After just a few days of being together we were talking about kids and marraige. Thats a warning sign by talking about marriage and kids so soon. Sounds like you both rushed things too quickly and now its moved to quick for her. Needing space means a break up is on its way. Just give her all the space she needs and let her contact you. but dont be waiting around. THink about expecting the worst and try to move on.
Author goatboytone Posted August 2, 2009 Author Posted August 2, 2009 Thank you for the reply mimsicles, really appreciate it. All situations are different right? I'm not sure it would be a good idea to simply ignore her for a few days, though maybe I just think that because I miss her so much. It feels to me that I need to show her more of a fun side to me to try and cheer her up a bit, but maybe there's nothing I can do and I should just let her be for a while. I would find it ultra difficult to not reply to her though. I'm so damn confused. One minute I have a real understanding and know that maybe we've been getting really heavy and we could both do with a little me time, the next minute I'm sure she just doesnt want me anymore, even though she has told me this is not the case. It's really good to know somebody else is going through this though. Can you tell me how much 'space' you and your boyfriend have had?
Mimsicles Posted August 2, 2009 Posted August 2, 2009 He told me on Wednesday thought he wanted to break up. So i went to leave and he told me he didn't want to split up, but have a break. So i was stupid and kept texting saying i missed him and asked to meet up. We met up on Friday and talked. He said give it 2 weeks and hopefully he will miss me so much he'll want to get back together. So if i dont text he will hopefully miss me even more!! I think deep down in my heart of hearts i know that he doesn't want to be with me anymore. But i must give it 2 weeks or wonder what could have been.
boogieboy Posted August 2, 2009 Posted August 2, 2009 Thank you for the reply mimsicles, really appreciate it. All situations are different right? I'm not sure it would be a good idea to simply ignore her for a few days, though maybe I just think that because I miss her so much. It feels to me that I need to show her more of a fun side to me to try and cheer her up a bit, but maybe there's nothing I can do and I should just let her be for a while. I would find it ultra difficult to not reply to her though. I'm so damn confused. One minute I have a real understanding and know that maybe we've been getting really heavy and we could both do with a little me time, the next minute I'm sure she just doesnt want me anymore, even though she has told me this is not the case. It's really good to know somebody else is going through this though. Can you tell me how much 'space' you and your boyfriend have had? Believe it or not, most of the situations are pretty much cookie cutter. Especially the cowardly "i need space" line. Its pretty commonplace around here. You might have to make yourself less available because you areant giving her a chance to miss you like you should. You also might have given too much of yourself and messed up her challenge. Some women, if you give too much of your heart away to them, and theres no challenge, they lose interest. When they want space, you have to do the opposite of what you think you should do. You might have to go back to square one and become a mystery again. She knows why she is losing interest but be careful, she might be one of those people who wont say anything until she finds someone new to try. And if you try to talk to her about it, it just drives her further away. read this and you will understand what I mean. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=196251&page=3
Author goatboytone Posted August 4, 2009 Author Posted August 4, 2009 Thanks for everyone who replied to me. I just wanted to give something positive back. Most of the situations on here end up negatively. But it turns out in this instance my girl was being honest and not cowardly. She meant what she said, all she needed was a bit of space. Our relationship has been so intense that she started to lose herself a little bit. As I felt her becoming distant I would try to pull her to me even more always making sure I was around her and that just started to make her fell trapped. I just needed to back off a little and show her I was understanding to her needs. Of course things aren't perfect, i still feel a little unstable, but I can see now that I needed the space too, to reconnect with my friends. So not to give false hope, but it's not all necessarily doom and gloom, in this instance I made things much worse in my head than they really were. Thanks again to everyone who replied or even read my post. I really hope that this can help somebody in a similar situation. Space is not always the end, try to keep cool and be positive. x
adamt Posted August 4, 2009 Posted August 4, 2009 Good luck to you, hope it works out. Just be aware of warning signs though.Keep your eyes open.
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