RedDevil66 Posted August 2, 2009 Posted August 2, 2009 This is off topic to this thread but this is why I said that... I'm sorry for the crap he has put you thru.. OP.. sorry for the threadjack.. I'm done I'm not sure what your point is.........but ok.
westernxer Posted August 2, 2009 Posted August 2, 2009 well, I ordered a glass of red wine and he ordered just a pineapple juice...and that was the moment when he explained his situation. I was feeling guilty with the red wine! I wonder if people would feel just as awkward dating somebody who doesn't drink period. Going to spin this off into another thread.
RedDevil66 Posted August 2, 2009 Posted August 2, 2009 Do paranoid schizophrenics also use mental illness as an excuse for being more "imaginative" than the average person? I suppose for some it can be an excuse, but that's a pretty wide assumption to make to say that addiction is not a disease. Some people are gentically predisposed to become addicted to things while others not so much. Like some people are genetically predisposed to unleash a mental illness while others not so much. That's my understanding at least.... I'm of the school of thought that it's a behaviour than manifests out of serious pain and used as a coping mechanism. We all learn to cope with our pain in different ways, it's how you fill that void that makes the difference. By the way, I come from a long line of alcoholics, and neither myself or my sisters drink. My cousins do not drink and my nieces and nephews do not drink. Did the gene die in my Mom and my Dad's family? See why I just don't believe it's genetic. Who knows, maybe one day they will discover the "addict" gene like they discovered the "fat" gene!
RedDevil66 Posted August 2, 2009 Posted August 2, 2009 yes but you made a CONSCIOUS decision not to drink given what you saw growing up (more than likely) Have you ever drank? Maybe if you had been a drinker in your teens you would more than likely would have developed an addiction as well, it's in your genes. Your point would be more valid if you said to me "I come from a line of alcoholics and I have always drank in moderation and never picked up the addiction" then I would say, oh ok so maybe drinking addiction is not a disease or hereditary. See what I am saying? I drink in moderation and always have. When I was 13, I smoked my first joint and then got into heavy drugs. I quit all drugs by the time I was 19. My doing drugs was peer pressure. I drink a few glasses of wine a month. My Mom kept her drinking hush hush, so we were not really exposed to the ugliness of it all.
butcher's hook Posted August 2, 2009 Posted August 2, 2009 I drink in moderation and always have. . Oh ok a minute ago you said you don't drink at all so my last post was in response to that.
Lindarose84 Posted August 3, 2009 Posted August 3, 2009 Honestly, I've dated a recovering alcoholic and it was extremely tough. So if I had to choose, I would not do it again. I just think it wouldn't be fair to either party involved. I love to drink- for me, it's a nice fun social activity that I do in moderation. Anytime I was out with this guy, I felt like I had to curb my drinking so as not to look unsympathetic to his ongoing battle to stay sober. The nights where I just threw all caution to the wind and drank as I pleased, I'd be tipsy and he'd be looking at me like I had two heads which was no fun since he was sober and I wasn't. So in the end, I stopped dating him. It was just too hard being social with him without me feeling guilty about drinking around him. I definitely respected his strength in being able to give up a vice but it just didn't mix well with my wanting to be social in my 20's.
EddieN Posted August 3, 2009 Posted August 3, 2009 No one here is saying they are not worthy or acting as en elitist. It's called self preservation and being with an addict is risky........very risky! Going through dark times and being an addict is like comparing apples to oranges. The only thing it says about a woman's character is she refuses to date a man with serious baggage is she has a survival instinct, not a bad character. A good example of bad character is the women mentioned above who tells a recovering addict she can get him to drink. Addicts ruin the lives of EVERYONE they love, so until you've walked in the shoes of loving an addict, you have no idea of the pain Do I have to spell it out again? An addict once isn't necessarily an addict for life. Art Critic says he's been sober for over 20 years. Would you call him an alcoholic now? Well but in Eddie's defence in terms of what he is saying' date=' if someone has been a recovered alcoholic for 10yrs and they have lead a good life, then unless you as the partner are willing to also give up alcohol, it's not fair to say you cannot have a decent life together, you actually could.[/quote'] I'm glad someone gets my point. The whole idea of a RECOVERED alcoholic is someone who was an alcoholic in the PAST but is not one now. If the title of this thread was, "Would you date an alcoholic," I would answer no as well or all logical reasons. That's not what this thread is asking though. This is why I think it shows a lack of character of a person doesn't even consider another person because they used to be an alcoholic. It suggests that if anyone has made any kind of mistake in their life or has gone through a dark time, it will be branded on their forehead for all to see and condemn their entire lives. I also think that you can indeed enjoy a glass of wine in the presence of a truly recovered alcoholic, because if they've truly beaten their addiction, they won't be swayed by the temptation of the wine. Again, this is not about being an alcoholic NOW. It's about being an alcoholic in the PAST and no longer one.
2sunny Posted August 3, 2009 Posted August 3, 2009 if you look up alcoholism it will show as a disease. it is carried on genetically... just like any other gene pool - some family members get it and some don't. it is also listed as an allergy to alcohol and the inability to stop. while a normal drinker has the ability to decifer that time frame - the alcoholic does not. the brain continues to say that it needs more. the only thing to arrest it is abstinence. the disease does rob many of mind, body and spirit. sitting in an AA meeting isn't enough to find the freedom from alcohol (at least for me) - i had to do some hard step work in the program to get to the point of feeling recovered (past tense). i maintain my sobriety one day at a time. while i was working the steps i was considered in recovery... there is a difference. i'd ask this guy how his recovery has been and what he does on a regular basis to stay sober. most who have done this are proud of their accomplishment and are willing to share with you their experience. you should be able to get a good enough read from him whether his sobriety is bring him JOY or just being miserable being sober... there is a big difference. good luck... find out more from him... then decide.
carhill Posted August 3, 2009 Posted August 3, 2009 As the title of my thread says...would you date a recovered alcoholic? Yes, if she has recovered sufficiently to accept social situations where alcohol is present with health and grace; IOW no outward issues regarding such situations. Since the OP was about a male recovered alcoholic, most of the discourse has been about men who are or were alcoholics. I wonder if there are gender lines on this issue, as there are female active and recovering and recovered alcoholics as well. OP, I'd accept this man's disclosure and watch his actions to match his words. Good luck
SoulSearch_CO Posted August 3, 2009 Posted August 3, 2009 Thanks for your answer SS, well, he told me that it was years ago... but I'm worried that if someone had an addiction, maybe it can develop into a different/other kind of addiction? Do I make sense? I haven't really dealt with any kinds of addictions like drugs or alcohol, but have discussed addictions in general with a therapist (not mine). It was kind of an educational thing. Anyway...from what I know, addiction transfer generally happens when the person is breaking the addiction. Nature abhors a vacuum. You take something away, and something else wants to take its place. If he has gone this long without alcohol, I honestly wouldn't be that worried about him. But that's just me. I like to give people a fair shot. Just keep an eye out. If you see something of concern, at least you were warned ahead of time.
RedDevil66 Posted August 3, 2009 Posted August 3, 2009 Oh ok a minute ago you said you don't drink at all so my last post was in response to that. sorry, I meant I am not a drinker, but 2-3 glasses of wine a month. If that. I guess I see a drinker as someone who drinks often.
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