Am I just crazy?!

[weeble78]

Ok, I would love some opinions here:

 

B/f of 7 years

Last few years been difficult as he has done a few bad things (share flirty emails with a girl he met at one of his gigs, take money from the joint account, not pay bills etc etc).

Last 2 years I have been pulling away from the relationship due to the above as have now developed IBS resulting from money stress (I've been threatened on the phone for his money). I have been critical and nasty, and I guess I have pushed him away at times when he has been crying and upset.

He's now met 'a friend' at work who is going through a rough patch with her b/f. I have found calls on his phone to her, a text and an email. He deletes all sent responses.

Friday night we went out to start again, I came out of the toilet and he was texting her. he admitted it was her but I caught him in the act of deleting the text so I have no idea what it is.

He is angry at me and says I am trying to control him, but apologised for deleting the text.

 

I am now in quandry - we had decided to start over with everything as we have both been through a lot in the last two years and forgot how much we loved each other.

 

I am hurt by his deception again. I don'tbelieve he is seeing her behind my back but I believe he is relying on her for emotional support. He has never spent a night away from the house.

 

What do you guys think about this person?

 

All criticism/opinions/advice welcome - I am just about at the end of my tether as I have been quite ill for a month and pretty much housebound. I feel like I am slowly going out of my mind.

 

Thanks xxx

[SoulSearch_CO]

You know, it's one thing to screw up and get a second chance. It's quite another to take that second chance and show the other person how little it means. I kept giving my XH chances with the lying and the cheating (he didn't PHYSICALLY cheat on me, btw...but it's just as bad, IMO) and he kept showing me that my forgiveness and mercy was wasted. If your BF doesn't go above and beyond to show you that he deserves your trust, but instead makes accusatory statements, then he's not going to change. BTDT, never want to go back again. I think of all the times he lied and it makes me sick to my stomach that I kept giving him chances. Reading your story made me feel that sick feeling in the pit of my stomach.

[anne1707]

I'm sorry but just because he has not spent a night away, it does not mean he is not seeing her. All the signs are there and he then has the nerve to throw it back in your face when he accuses you of being controlling.

 

If you want to make this work, you need to confront him. He needs to stop contacting this woman. OK he works with her but it is still possible to go NC at work - he just keeps all contact on a work only basis. If he is not prepared to do this then that tells you where he places your relationship amongst his priorities. To be honest with the history you have, I worry for you.

 

I also suggest you get a separate bank account - why should you get the bad credit history for his lack of responsibility.

[weeble78]

Thank you so much for replying back to me - you have no idea how much I appreciate your words.

 

I have that same sick feeling in the pit of my stomach.

 

He agreed to invite her over for dinner, and he did agree once to email her and tell her that their texting and emailing is inappropriate and they should keep it to work.

 

When we rowed, he said he shouldn't have to do that and I shouldn't be controlling who he is friends with.

 

I'm trying to decide whether to walk out on him or keep giving him a chance, and that decision is so hard to make. Why is it so hard to leave behind somebody you love? I've done it once before and thought I'd never get over the pain of missing him - I had a nervous breakdown afterwards and am so scared of having to go through it all again.

[love2dance]

I'm sorry for what you are going through. I hope that if you decide to leave (I think you should) that you will go to counseling. He is not worth all of the stress and pain.