ladyinmate1031 Posted August 2, 2009 Posted August 2, 2009 I have been married for 6 years but 2 years ago my husband was unfaithful to me and I feel like he doesn't care about me anymore. Well a few months ago his ex-wife sent him a message and shortly after that she tried to get him to leave me for her. He has also slept with his friend of many years and gets erotic emails from a female friend from HS. I just don't know what to do because for a long time now he has just ignored me and I can't take it anymore. Someone please help me.
tojaz Posted August 2, 2009 Posted August 2, 2009 Whats your part in this? Is he still being unfaithful? Did you tell him you don't like the E-mails? More information, we''ll help however we can. TOJAZ
Author ladyinmate1031 Posted August 2, 2009 Author Posted August 2, 2009 He hasn't been unfaithful in 2 years but the feelings I have are just not the same as when we first got married. I have always been faithful to him and I thought that I would get that in return. He doesn't know that I know and in some ways I wanna keep it that way until I can get my thoughts sorted out.
tojaz Posted August 2, 2009 Posted August 2, 2009 He hasn't been unfaithful in 2 years but the feelings I have are just not the same as when we first got married. I have always been faithful to him and I thought that I would get that in return. He doesn't know that I know and in some ways I wanna keep it that way until I can get my thoughts sorted out. The feelings never stay the same as the begining. I'm sure you have a lot of resentment over his betrayal and if you can get over that is something only you can decide. Sharing what you know is the only way you can find out his feelings on the matter. That may be a lot of your conflict, because you know whats going on and resent that fact. Are the E-mails mutual or is she just pursuing him. A mutual exchange of erotic E-mails would be a sign of an EA and is unacceptable in a healthy marriage. TOJAZ
Author ladyinmate1031 Posted August 2, 2009 Author Posted August 2, 2009 The emails are mutual. He seems to want the affection of his other female friends. His friend from HS went as far to say in an email that she would not stop until I was totally out of the picture. But she was married when she said that and now she is divorced. It seems as though my world is crumbling around me but I know I am strong enought to get through whatever this brings my way.
tojaz Posted August 2, 2009 Posted August 2, 2009 The emails are mutual. He seems to want the affection of his other female friends. His friend from HS went as far to say in an email that she would not stop until I was totally out of the picture. But she was married when she said that and now she is divorced. It seems as though my world is crumbling around me but I know I am strong enought to get through whatever this brings my way. That is key right there. Good for you. Hard question, has the affection been lacking on your end, that he would want to seek it else where or would you say it is more of an ego boost for him? Is this person local or is their only possible contact through E-mail? The reason I ask is, I had an old friend that did this, sent E-mails and photos on occasion. I never reciprocated but must admit I did enjoy the fact that I could be desireable to someone other then my wife. I eventually told her about it, and put a stop to it, but this person was on the other side of the country and all was harmless. If he is willing to put an end to it for you should be very telling of how to process whats happening in your marriage. What is his age? could MLC be a factor? TOJAZ
SunRays20 Posted August 2, 2009 Posted August 2, 2009 The emails are mutual. He seems to want the affection of his other female friends. His friend from HS went as far to say in an email that she would not stop until I was totally out of the picture. But she was married when she said that and now she is divorced. It seems as though my world is crumbling around me but I know I am strong enought to get through whatever this brings my way. Ask yourself this, why do you want to stay with a cheater who doesn't love or respect you. Then, ask yourself this, if this is your best friend in your situation asking you for advice, what would you tell her?
tojaz Posted August 2, 2009 Posted August 2, 2009 Ask yourself this, why do you want to stay with a cheater who doesn't love or respect you. Then, ask yourself this, if this is your best friend in your situation asking you for advice, what would you tell her? Sometimes things are not as cut and dry as all that, and i do believe that it is possible for a cheater to love and respect you again, as long as the behavior has stopped for good and he/she has admitted their part. I know this wasn't directed at me, but I always give advice here as if I was speaking to my best friend! TOJAZ
Author ladyinmate1031 Posted August 2, 2009 Author Posted August 2, 2009 That is key right there. Good for you. Hard question, has the affection been lacking on your end, that he would want to seek it else where or would you say it is more of an ego boost for him? Is this person local or is their only possible contact through E-mail? The reason I ask is, I had an old friend that did this, sent E-mails and photos on occasion. I never reciprocated but must admit I did enjoy the fact that I could be desireable to someone other then my wife. I eventually told her about it, and put a stop to it, but this person was on the other side of the country and all was harmless. If he is willing to put an end to it for you should be very telling of how to process whats happening in your marriage. What is his age? could MLC be a factor? TOJAZ MY husband is 41 and he still talks about his old days with his HS friend. And she lives only 45 minutes from us so the chance of them seeing each has happened more than once. He tried to get me to have a 3some with him and her and I would not stand for it. She confronted me about experimenting with her and not telling my husband. But she told him and he kicked me out of the house. He also kicked me out of the house when I accused him of cheating. And when I returned I found several receipts from Best Buy where he and his HS friend were out together.
SunRays20 Posted August 2, 2009 Posted August 2, 2009 MY husband is 41 and he still talks about his old days with his HS friend. And she lives only 45 minutes from us so the chance of them seeing each has happened more than once. He tried to get me to have a 3some with him and her and I would not stand for it. She confronted me about experimenting with her and not telling my husband. But she told him and he kicked me out of the house. He also kicked me out of the house when I accused him of cheating. And when I returned I found several receipts from Best Buy where he and his HS friend were out together. Do you NEED him for shelter and food? I don't mean to be disrespectful for asking this, but here it goes....do you have low selfesteem? If so, why? What do you think you can do to increase it?
Athena Posted August 2, 2009 Posted August 2, 2009 Do you NEED him for shelter and food? I don't mean to be disrespectful for asking this, but here it goes....do you have low selfesteem? If so, why? What do you think you can do to increase it? Are you SignedIn?
Author ladyinmate1031 Posted August 2, 2009 Author Posted August 2, 2009 I don't have low self-esteem but the way he treats me I feel as if I do. And because of my health condition is is impossible for me to get a job, so yeah I need him for shelter and food. But I have since been talking to this guy who is attached to me and wants to treat me the way I should be treated. He is a total sweetheart to me.
tojaz Posted August 2, 2009 Posted August 2, 2009 OK, now were getting to the nitty gritty. SO is this other guy, an OM or just a prospect to match up with your H's OW? This kind of background makes all the difference. Are you trying to decide between your husband and this man? TOJAZ
tojaz Posted August 2, 2009 Posted August 2, 2009 MY husband is 41 and he still talks about his old days with his HS friend. And she lives only 45 minutes from us so the chance of them seeing each has happened more than once. He tried to get me to have a 3some with him and her and I would not stand for it. She confronted me about experimenting with her and not telling my husband. But she told him and he kicked me out of the house. He also kicked me out of the house when I accused him of cheating. And when I returned I found several receipts from Best Buy where he and his HS friend were out together. Does this mean you DID experiment with her or that she made advances that you declined?
SunRays20 Posted August 2, 2009 Posted August 2, 2009 Are you SignedIn? Yes, I have signed in? Otherwise, I won't be able to post. Why have you taken your H back after he has cheated on you three time? What makes you think that he won't do it for the fourth and the fifth time?
Athena Posted August 2, 2009 Posted August 2, 2009 Yes, I have signed in? Otherwise, I won't be able to post. Why have you taken your H back after he has cheated on you three time? What makes you think that he won't do it for the fourth and the fifth time? This is not the thread to discuss my M, but I did answer this question on the other thread you asked it.
Author ladyinmate1031 Posted August 2, 2009 Author Posted August 2, 2009 OK, now were getting to the nitty gritty. SO is this other guy, an OM or just a prospect to match up with your H's OW? This kind of background makes all the difference. Are you trying to decide between your husband and this man? TOJAZ The OM is a possible prospect and he seems to care for me the way my husband doesn't. And since we have been chatting I know in my heart he is not the type of guy to ever be unfaithful. And no the OM is not someone I would use to match up to my H's OW.
Author ladyinmate1031 Posted August 2, 2009 Author Posted August 2, 2009 Does this mean you DID experiment with her or that she made advances that you declined? I never accepted her advances but yet I still got kicked out of the house and I don't understand why.
tojaz Posted August 2, 2009 Posted August 2, 2009 The OM is a possible prospect and he seems to care for me the way my husband doesn't. And since we have been chatting I know in my heart he is not the type of guy to ever be unfaithful. And no the OM is not someone I would use to match up to my H's OW. Are you trying to decide between your husband and this man?
tojaz Posted August 2, 2009 Posted August 2, 2009 I never accepted her advances but yet I still got kicked out of the house and I don't understand why. I don't understand why either, unless your H really believed it would lead to a 3some. Regardless if he values that over your marriage to the point he would kick you out, you have to ask yourself if this is really what you want for yourself? I mean no insult to your H, but by the way you word it, it sounds like a couple of sex fiends have found eachother and are looking to justify their desires by pulling you into the fray. TOJAZ
Author ladyinmate1031 Posted August 2, 2009 Author Posted August 2, 2009 The OM is alot better to me than my H is and I know I would be better off with him. And I hate it that my H is trying to drag me into his crazy sex fantasy with his HS friend. It is not fair to me.
SunRays20 Posted August 2, 2009 Posted August 2, 2009 The OM is alot better to me than my H is and I know I would be better off with him. And I hate it that my H is trying to drag me into his crazy sex fantasy with his HS friend. It is not fair to me. I have my suspicion that this OM is preying on you as he sees you as a vulnerable easy target. You got to be careful and don't jump from one relationship to another. Yes, your H is selfish, sick, heartless and all that for wanting to use you to fulfill his fantasies without any consideration to your feeling and the marriage. Only you can decide what to do with him and your marriage.
Author ladyinmate1031 Posted August 2, 2009 Author Posted August 2, 2009 Oh I would never jump from one to the other. I would make time for me because I need time to sort everything out.
tojaz Posted August 2, 2009 Posted August 2, 2009 The OM is alot better to me than my H is and I know I would be better off with him. And I hate it that my H is trying to drag me into his crazy sex fantasy with his HS friend. It is not fair to me. Your right it isn't fair. What happened when you declined, did he drop it or does he still persist? You also haven't answered my question if you are trying to decide between the two. From the sound of your situation, I don't think anyone would blame you, but for someone to give advice, thay need to know if your looking to save your marriage or are looking to escape it. TOJAZ
Author ladyinmate1031 Posted August 2, 2009 Author Posted August 2, 2009 I am looking to escape it. And have been wanting to do so for a long time now. He just doesn't seem to care about me as much as he does his other female friends. And yes I would rather be with the OM over my H.
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