Ruby Slippers Posted August 2, 2009 Posted August 2, 2009 The father of a friend of mine committed suicide a few months ago. He'd been struggling with depression for years. Of course, my friend was completely distraught, but she's been holding it together pretty well. However, she keeps picking fights with me over the dumbest little things, as well as distorting events and framing things in ways that are totally inaccurate. She seems to be desperately trying to control everything around her. It's an understandable reaction, and I think that given the circumstances, she pretty much gets a get-out-of-jail-free card for a year, but it's frustrating. It's really hard not to get defensive when she's making false accusations and telling me I'm not a good friend. She's been erratic, moody, and indecisive, changing and canceling plans a lot. It's getting to where I hardly enjoy spending time with her anymore, but I don't want to pull away from her at such a difficult time. How do you handle this?
doushenka Posted August 2, 2009 Posted August 2, 2009 She's grieving. She's probably depressed herself. She sounds like she needs counseling rather desperately -- is she amenable to that kind of thing?
Jimmy's_Brother Posted August 2, 2009 Posted August 2, 2009 If someone's not fun to be around, I'd rather be alone. While it's sad what happened to her dad, it's not your fault. I suggest taking some much-needed time away from this "friend".
Author Ruby Slippers Posted August 2, 2009 Author Posted August 2, 2009 I'm not going to abandon her at such a hard time in her life. I wouldn't be a very good friend if I did that. She just lost her father, and they were close. She has told me more than once that she considers me her best friend in the city. She doesn't deserve to lose her best friend, too. I think I will gently suggest to her that she see a counselor. I doubt she will, but you never know. It's worth a shot.
MSUE Posted August 2, 2009 Posted August 2, 2009 she's clearly not in a good place...I really have to agree this friend needs hlep you can't provide...some therapy would be helpful
tblucky Posted August 8, 2009 Posted August 8, 2009 Ruby, I admire your perseverance and think you're doing the right thing. Just hang in there and try to be there for her right now. Personally, I think it is really frustrating to try to help people who seem to only know how to take from others and think about themselves. For now, I would continue doing what you're doing and gently guide her out of this.
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