hoping2heal Posted August 9, 2009 Posted August 9, 2009 Thoughts? Yes. As I said before; what you did with the yelling was a dealbreaker for her. It turned her off. Now she is dilly dallying when she should be ending. That long list you gave us were examples of things that happened, and most of them were over reaching to try and associate them with her thinking you were a pushover that would cater to her whim. Also, if you notice wether she got mad or not at some of them, she didn't end the relationship over it. As I said, she was turned off for whatever reason by the episode that took place that weekend with the family. All these other things you listed having nothing whatsoever to do with it. She's blowing you off because she's tip toe ing through the tulips with things right now. You should just call an end to this nonsense already.
DSM2709 Posted August 9, 2009 Posted August 9, 2009 But isn't his examples of what women consider "challenges" in a relationship. I thought women liked a challenge with their man, that was my problem, I kept giving in. She wasn't challenged enough. I was too nice, and she saw that and took advantage of it.
hoping2heal Posted August 9, 2009 Posted August 9, 2009 But isn't his examples of what women consider "challenges" in a relationship. I thought women liked a challenge with their man, that was my problem, I kept giving in. She wasn't challenged enough. I was too nice, and she saw that and took advantage of it. He was assertive, which is a good thing. That's the more accurate way to put it. We like men who are assertive. Challenges are for people who play games. Real women want assertive.
Author NightLord1 Posted August 9, 2009 Author Posted August 9, 2009 Thoughts? Yes. As I said before; what you did with the yelling was a dealbreaker for her. It turned her off. Now she is dilly dallying when she should be ending. That long list you gave us were examples of things that happened, and most of them were over reaching to try and associate them with her thinking you were a pushover that would cater to her whim. Also, if you notice wether she got mad or not at some of them, she didn't end the relationship over it. As I said, she was turned off for whatever reason by the episode that took place that weekend with the family. All these other things you listed having nothing whatsoever to do with it. She's blowing you off because she's tip toe ing through the tulips with things right now. You should just call an end to this nonsense already. I would end the nonsense if there was any nonsense to end. I was glad I didn't give in to her and did so without being an all out dick and I think she appreciated it at the time but it can remain a possibility it could be that. It could really be anything but when i'm clueless i like to over analyze its my nature. There really is no reason for me contact to someone who blows me off. I am not going to reward someone with my attention who does that no matter who it is. I already ended the nonsense when she went no contact on me for four days when all this started happening and I contacted her and asked her I wanted my book back i let her borrow. After i did that I changed my status to single on myspace and that was it. When i saw her to get the book i talked to her calmly and told her I would like to work it out and if she decided she wanted to go back to what we were I wouldn't "shut the door on her" so she knows full well how i felt. There's reasons why people blow people off. Its either to avoid them, to try to maintain control over someone, or because its not important enough to that person to see it through. Me contacting her would actually tell her "oh its ok...you can blow me off because i'm still going to contact you anyway and let you know its totally cool!" Hell no. I am not going to let someone...ANYONE treat me like that and me contacting her would be a way of me saying flat out that is OK behaivor for her to do with me. She knows how to contact me...last time i checked she still had fingers to send a text.
Author NightLord1 Posted August 9, 2009 Author Posted August 9, 2009 But isn't his examples of what women consider "challenges" in a relationship. I thought women liked a challenge with their man, that was my problem, I kept giving in. She wasn't challenged enough. I was too nice, and she saw that and took advantage of it. Being a challenge isn't a game. Its only a game when you do it to get someone to react or be a certain way on purpose and it becomes manipulation. Standing up for yourself is not a game...letting someone know you are not going to be pushed around and degraded is NOT a game. And you can do that without being a dick or a jerk if you use a bit of sense of humor and or you don't react with anger. The reason why so many men fail miserably with relationships is because they think women want nice guys that would do anything for them. Its BS and even though there is a fine line of being an all out dick and being assertive or challenging it works as long as you don't over react. My problem with this one was I over reacted that one night when I shouldn't have. I could have done like i had all the other times and it probably would have ended different. So remember that...do NOT over react with anger or outbursts of any kind of emotion. Keep yourself calm and cool. Slow and steady usually wins the race.
ScarLettIsle Posted August 9, 2009 Posted August 9, 2009 are u seeking comfirmation from us that she is just jerking ur chain - to put u in ur place.. so that u are both cognizant that there are boundaries... this leash issue is a pratical statement that the saex was good if not better - but it was nil beyond that.... we as lovers/dumpees/confused parties have a tendency to over intellectualize the situation and messages being broadcast very clearly - then we go to rationalization - then we accept the blame - etc etc - sometymes there are no resons why - even though we keep repeating them to ourselves... keep it moving if she 's meant for u she'll be back and then and only then can u decide to pursue or not... the whole interlude she wanted to take care of u and ur daughter are ODD since she obviously knew that u were used to being in charge - she may have chosen to say nurture ur family - etc but if she isn't nurturing her own then ummm..that possiblity looked bleak and u were enraptured so did not see the whole picture - we all get caught up in the details...
Author NightLord1 Posted August 9, 2009 Author Posted August 9, 2009 are u seeking comfirmation from us that she is just jerking ur chain - to put u in ur place.. so that u are both cognizant that there are boundaries... this leash issue is a pratical statement that the saex was good if not better - but it was nil beyond that.... we as lovers/dumpees/confused parties have a tendency to over intellectualize the situation and messages being broadcast very clearly - then we go to rationalization - then we accept the blame - etc etc - sometymes there are no resons why - even though we keep repeating them to ourselves... keep it moving if she 's meant for u she'll be back and then and only then can u decide to pursue or not... the whole interlude she wanted to take care of u and ur daughter are ODD since she obviously knew that u were used to being in charge - she may have chosen to say nurture ur family - etc but if she isn't nurturing her own then ummm..that possiblity looked bleak and u were enraptured so did not see the whole picture - we all get caught up in the details... I don't believe I am letting her yank my chain. If I was then I would be still pursuing her but I know better then that. Its been over two weeks since I talked to her and I am not chasing her. If she wants to talk she has the number and even me as a friend on myspace to write. I haven't been sitting around waiting for her either...if she comes back cool I hope we can work it out and maybe see if we can continue it again if that is what happens. If she does not then she does not and if I happen to meet someone else during that time and it works then cool. You are right though...her saying she wanted to take care of me and my kid and yet she seems she can't even handle what happened. If she wants a family and something with substance people fight and disagree and if you can't hack it then there isn't much of a chance to have any kind of long lasting relationship. Being able to overcome obstacles like this and moving past them is what helps make a relationship grow and prosper not go backwards. I am able to let things go and if she can't...well then she can't and I won't be able to change that.
hoping2heal Posted August 9, 2009 Posted August 9, 2009 You are right though...her saying she wanted to take care of me and my kid and yet she seems she can't even handle what happened. If she wants a family and something with substance people fight and disagree and if you can't hack it then there isn't much of a chance to have any kind of long lasting relationship. Being able to overcome obstacles like this and moving past them is what helps make a relationship grow and prosper not go backwards. I am able to let things go and if she can't...well then she can't and I won't be able to change that. I think you are smack, dab, on the money here. I agree with everything you have just said here. She may be a perfectly nice and well meaning person, but if she can't handle it if you blow up here and there, there's nothing you can do to change that and you're better suited for someone who can tolerate such things. Good for you for realising.
hoping2heal Posted August 9, 2009 Posted August 9, 2009 I would end the nonsense if there was any nonsense to end. I was glad I didn't give in to her and did so without being an all out dick and I think she appreciated it at the time but it can remain a possibility it could be that. It could really be anything but when i'm clueless i like to over analyze its my nature. There really is no reason for me contact to someone who blows me off. I am not going to reward someone with my attention who does that no matter who it is. I already ended the nonsense when she went no contact on me for four days when all this started happening and I contacted her and asked her I wanted my book back i let her borrow. After i did that I changed my status to single on myspace and that was it. When i saw her to get the book i talked to her calmly and told her I would like to work it out and if she decided she wanted to go back to what we were I wouldn't "shut the door on her" so she knows full well how i felt. There's reasons why people blow people off. Its either to avoid them, to try to maintain control over someone, or because its not important enough to that person to see it through. Me contacting her would actually tell her "oh its ok...you can blow me off because i'm still going to contact you anyway and let you know its totally cool!" Hell no. I am not going to let someone...ANYONE treat me like that and me contacting her would be a way of me saying flat out that is OK behaivor for her to do with me. She knows how to contact me...last time i checked she still had fingers to send a text. Putting an end to a relationship with someone wouldn't be what I would qualify as rewarding someone with my attention, but to each their own. If this is better suited for you, then that is fine too.
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