tikitikitembo Posted August 1, 2009 Posted August 1, 2009 My ex and I dated for about 7 months. Towards the end we were pretty rocky and were always on and off. I finally broke it off mid-June because he started to like another girl. We underwent NC for a few days until I missed him too much and started talking to him. For the next few weeks I kept telling him I missed him and that I wanted to get back together and he would respond with a different excuse each time about why we couldnt. Everytime he gave me a different excuse, I would "accept it" and go back to NC - only to break it again. One day I deleted him off of my facebook and didnt talk to him for awhile. Later on, we started talking again and I re-friended him. I saw that he was ignoring my friend request because he was accepting other requests but not mine. I confronted him about this and he said that he was afraid that if he refriended me, I would just unfriend him again when things got bad. But in the end he friended me again. And then things got bad and we underwent NC again. We were undergoing NC for about 2 weeks before I broke it again and told him I missed him. He responded with "I dont know what I should say to that." At that point, I realized that it was completely over between us and told him that I wanted us to be as if we were strangers. He offered that we could still talk if I wanted to but I told him I needed time from him. I deleted him off my facebook again and made it so he wasnt able to see my profile. Though I was completely broken up that night, a week passed eventually and I had fun. I was really enjoying my life and actually felt as if I had really gotten over him though it had been a week. I didnt think about him often and was able to completely refrain myself from going to his facebook. I didnt feel that I missed him anymore and I was enjoying my life without him. However, after a week, he emailed me with: "I'm sorry in advance if this email isn helping you get over me or whatever. I'm not going to say anything important in this email so if you want to delete that's fine. I don't want a reply, thank you. So it's really just one thing that's really bothering me. I don't like what's happening with the whole friend thing on facebook. I know you unfriended me that Friday where you asked to hang out and I said I had family plans. I was telling the truth btw, I wasnt trying to get you away from me. But what bothers me is that I was nice enough to re-friend you the first time, even though I explicitly said that I didn't know if I should do it cause I had a feeling that you were just gonna unfriend me if things did go your way. And I guess that's what happened. I'm not trying to say you did something wrong, it's just bothering me how you took my re-friending for granted. If it hurt you so much to be facebook friends with me we could have talked about it and settled it. You were extremely cold by unfriending me just like that. I'm not saying we have to be friends but I just feel that it wasn't right that you just unfriended me like that. I understand if being friends makes it harder on you. I know I probably ruined our chances of ever being friends again and I'm sorry. I'm making a big deal out of it, I know. Sorry. I just thought you should know. I'm sorry if this sounded mean, it's definitely not meant to be rude or a bitch or yell at you and stuff. It's just something I had on my mind since that Friday. Well, that's all I had to say, thanks for reading this if you got up to this part I guess? Goodnight." I was extremely angry after reading this email. He would have never refriended me in the first place if I hadnt confront him - I cant believe he said that he was "nice" enough to refriend me in the first place. And it really bothers me that he still thinks that I'm still really hurt over the break up. I feel that he thinks that he still has the upperhand between him and me. I thought his email was extremely stupid and unnecessary. I want him to know that I've moved on and that I dont want to know about his life, and therefore he shouldnt have to know about mine. Should I respond to his email? or should I just ignore it?
LoXs Posted August 1, 2009 Posted August 1, 2009 Hi, I would suggest to just ignore the e-mail and ignore facebook, its a bottle of poison that is best left unopened. Does it matter if you were friended/unfriended on facebook? Ultimatly no, its what we do in real life that counts and petty online cyber nonsense is just that. Petty online cyber nonsense.
Author tikitikitembo Posted August 1, 2009 Author Posted August 1, 2009 It didnt matter to me that we werent friends on facebook anymore. But apparantly, it mattered to him. I wrote up a draft of what I wanted to reply with - except I'm not sure if I should even reply at all. "I want to say that I'm pretty sure you wouldnt have refriended me in the first place if I hadnt said anything about it - so I dont think it was out of your own kindness that you refriended me, you probably just wanted to avoid another arguement and I dont blame you. I feel that you probably felt forced by me to refriend me; I definately did not intend for it to be that way. I just wanted to know why you were ignoring my request. I didnt think I needed to talk to you about it because there wasnt anything to really talk about. When you said that you didnt knwo what you should say to what I said, to me-that really marked the end of everything between you and me. I assumed that you would understand that when I told you that I wanted us to be strangers again, I didnt want us to have anything to do with each other anymore, including being fb friends. I didnt mean to seem cold, I just thought you would have expected it with the whole stranger thing. You didnt seem to really mind the first time I unfriended you so I didnt think it would bother you this time. I guess I thought wrong and I'm sorry, I shouldnt have assumed anything. I can understand why you're angry but I hope this email clears a few things up for you. I really thought you wouldnt care or think that much about it. I guess the bottom line is that I dont want to know about your life and I dont think you should know about mine. Things will be better off that way for the both of us-neither of us will get hurt by anything we dont want to see/know. And I want you to know that I'm over it all; so you dont have to worry about me or anything. We can both move on with our lives." My friend said I was being "too nice".
joerhp Posted August 2, 2009 Posted August 2, 2009 how old are you? this seems childish, there is no honor or privilage to be facebook friends, I can be friends with celebrities, porn stars, musicians facebook isnt the holy trinity. that said if he hurt you then tell him you dont want to be his facebook friend, you dont want to know what he is doing with his life, and you dont want him to worry about what your doing with yours. its that simple, its harsh but effective
nomoregummybears Posted August 2, 2009 Posted August 2, 2009 Ok, it might be different to those of us (ahem...me) who check Facebook almost religiously, but I can kind of see where he's coming from, just in the sense that in his shoes, it's kind of an emotional roller coaster to deal with a person who can flip friendship, both cyber and real life, on and off like a lightswitch. Believe me, I on your end of the deal and I saw the impact that it had on someone I used to be..."involved" with. While I think he should have just dealt with it and moved on, I can't COMPLETELY fault him from being at least a tad bit miffed. That said, don't respond. His feelings don't matter anymore. You've moved on. The best way to let him know that is just to let it go.
Athena Posted August 2, 2009 Posted August 2, 2009 your email is too much... just respond with one word, "Sorry" and don't give him any explanation, excuse, accusation, or information! That shows you've moved on, are the bigger person, and not defensive.
Beeotch Posted August 2, 2009 Posted August 2, 2009 I was extremely angry after reading this email. He would have never refriended me in the first place if I hadnt confront him - I cant believe he said that he was "nice" enough to refriend me in the first place. And it really bothers me that he still thinks that I'm still really hurt over the break up. I feel that he thinks that he still has the upperhand between him and me. I thought his email was extremely stupid and unnecessary. I want him to know that I've moved on and that I dont want to know about his life, and therefore he shouldnt have to know about mine. Sounds kind of like my ex...he was always asserting that he knew I wanted him back and he knew it was hard for me and that he wanted to hang out only if I didn't lecture him or he would be done for good and ALLLLLLL these a-hole things, putting himself on a pedestal like the prize and making it seem as though I should be glad he is doing me some favor. Oh please I would not respond. He already said he did not want a response. Ignoring it and going about your life sends more of the message that you are done with him and over it versus responding and entertaining a convo about it. As someone else said, your email is way too much. If you do decide to respond make it a one-liner and nothing in depth and intense like that draft.
utterer of lies Posted August 2, 2009 Posted August 2, 2009 blah blah long emails blah blah Long, passive-aggressive emails never solve anything. Just ignore it.
Recommended Posts