fabulous_chk Posted August 1, 2009 Posted August 1, 2009 I've been doing so well, this break-up enabled me to come out of my shell. Partying non-stop got me hundreds of new friends, life's reset button was activated, I said goodbye to him several times. And felt good about it. But I slowed down my partying this week, and if I'm not thinking about the new guy, I'm thinking about him. I've been checking myspace and he has posted pictures of girls in beaches almost naked, took pictures of himself with twins, and he's got a lot of comments from cholas, he does seem to favor girls with that kind of look. Trashy. I'm disappointed in him, he could have hooked up at least with beautiful, gorgeous, classy girls. He definitely can because he is actually beautiful on the outside. People ask him if he's a model or a movie star. Well I am not gonna lie I do miss the old him. I thought he was the most gorgeous person on earth. Religious, kind, romantic, respectful, ambitious. Where did that person go? I am still mourning him, and I will miss and love him forever, but this guy who took over is a completely different person. I try very hard to find pieces of the old one but he is indeed gone. He is dead and I have to move on. And yet, my residual feelings for the old Steve keeps me hanging on. I wonder if he's okay, if he has money, food, friends, if he cries for his dad when he's alone, if he's scared and helpless and knows what's going on. I am scared too. I know we will never be the same - I have changed completely as a person, and he is a total stranger. The world is upside down. My best friend, my help mate, the person who taught me so much about love and life is gone. I am falling in love with a new one, gently, slowly, so sweetly, but I feel like I am betraying myself and the person I used to love. This is the most confusing time for me. I know what I have to do but some part of me keeps looking back, asking: "What if?"
joerhp Posted August 2, 2009 Posted August 2, 2009 I've been doing so well, this break-up enabled me to come out of my shell. Partying non-stop got me hundreds of new friends, life's reset button was activated, I said goodbye to him several times. And felt good about it. But I slowed down my partying this week, and if I'm not thinking about the new guy, I'm thinking about him. I've been checking myspace and he has posted pictures of girls in beaches almost naked, took pictures of himself with twins, and he's got a lot of comments from cholas, he does seem to favor girls with that kind of look. Trashy. I'm disappointed in him, he could have hooked up at least with beautiful, gorgeous, classy girls. He definitely can because he is actually beautiful on the outside. People ask him if he's a model or a movie star. Well I am not gonna lie I do miss the old him. I thought he was the most gorgeous person on earth. Religious, kind, romantic, respectful, ambitious. Where did that person go? I am still mourning him, and I will miss and love him forever, but this guy who took over is a completely different person. I try very hard to find pieces of the old one but he is indeed gone. He is dead and I have to move on. And yet, my residual feelings for the old Steve keeps me hanging on. I wonder if he's okay, if he has money, food, friends, if he cries for his dad when he's alone, if he's scared and helpless and knows what's going on. I am scared too. I know we will never be the same - I have changed completely as a person, and he is a total stranger. The world is upside down. My best friend, my help mate, the person who taught me so much about love and life is gone. I am falling in love with a new one, gently, slowly, so sweetly, but I feel like I am betraying myself and the person I used to love. This is the most confusing time for me. I know what I have to do but some part of me keeps looking back, asking: "What if?" I think you are finally dealing with the breakup. I have partied non stop, and spending a breakup drunk and hi masks your true emotions and puts you in a state of confusion. It is time to figure yourself out. Most people spend time with their friends after breakups, I think time alone and with family is better. In the end its yourself you have to live with.
Author fabulous_chk Posted August 2, 2009 Author Posted August 2, 2009 Time alone would have been the worst for me. I think obsessively. I would still be in the dumps right now if my friends and family did not drag me out of the door. I still would be paralyzed by now. Time alone is the worst recommendation to a person with a broken heart. I dealt with the breakup by going to the gym, biking, swimming, partying and loveshack. I would go to public places like the library to feel humanity, to feel that I'm not alone. I faced all the emotions I was having everyday. Trust me, I dealt with the break-up from day one.
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