Mariat Posted August 1, 2009 Posted August 1, 2009 Hi, I'm just a 21 year old boy who still didnt't even get a simple kiss from any girl. I surely am not ugly, nor a nerd or whatsoever. The problem is - normally quite selfconfident - when it comes to talk to a girl who seems fine to me, I'm too timid and shy. But that's not the only problem; there sure are lot of advices for situations like I just described, however there seems to be a dilema in every of it; first they're telling you how and what you need to do, but then it also tells you: "Be yourself." Great:rolleyes:... How can I be myself, when I follow those "rules"/tips, when it's not me at all? Do you think you can help me?
boogieboy Posted August 1, 2009 Posted August 1, 2009 You have to play the numbers. You have to go up to girls and say "hi" and then have alot of interesting things to tell her. Thats it. If youre interesting, you can keep her interest and still be yourself.
Author Mariat Posted August 1, 2009 Author Posted August 1, 2009 yeah... that would work... apart from the problem even go to her and say "hi" -_- I mean; I've lot of hobbies and interests and normaly I have no problems talking to people about anything, but when it comes to the point my brain's just a mess.
norajane Posted August 1, 2009 Posted August 1, 2009 If you like yourself - and you say that you do, have self-confidence, etc. - then you don't and shouldn't change anything. You just need to PRACTICE. You didn't become good at your hobbies and whatnot by being afraid to try it, did you? Nope - you actually worked on your hobby or skill and became good at it. Girls are the same thing. Keep practicing - make yourself say hello to new girls every day, whether you are interested in them or not. Say hello and make small talk with the girl at the coffee counter, say hello to people you pass on the street, say hello. Talk to girls everywhere you go. Eventually, it won't seem so hard to strike up a real conversation and ask one out. But you can't sit back and expect it to happen if you don't do it. Maybe you get tongue-tied at first, but eventually, all that practice will pay off.
Author Mariat Posted August 1, 2009 Author Posted August 1, 2009 Thanx for your tip... I would may try that, boz doesn't it make me look like.. you know... a male-whore? And other thing; there are not so many girls I'm really interested to - like I really hate the idea to date an "average" girl with "normal" personality just to experience what is it like having a girlfriend...'s just not me. Also I'm really angry at myself, because I missed so many chances and didn't really ask those few girls I've met, who I really was interested in...
norajane Posted August 1, 2009 Posted August 1, 2009 You think saying hello and talking to girls makes you a whore?
Author Mariat Posted August 1, 2009 Author Posted August 1, 2009 You think saying hello and talking to girls makes you a whore? Well... when it's a girl I have nothing in common right from the first look and am not really interested to talk to her - yes, i think so. Am I wrong? And I don't know how is it in the States or where you live, but here in Austria... it's like: what shall I say to some girl I like. You just don't say "Hello, how are you." because somehow it's obvious for the girl you want something from her and she gets defensive, so I think. How am I supossed even start some conversation... and about what? ("Ehm.. aah - nice weather today, isn't it?" -_-)
norajane Posted August 1, 2009 Posted August 1, 2009 Yes, you're wrong. Saying hello is friendly. It does not mean anything but hello. And by judging people from the first look without getting to know them only means you will never actually meet anyone with whom you do have things in common. You'll never know if you have anything in common just by looking at her. Looking at her only tells you if you think she's pretty on first glance. Which tells you nothing about how pretty or ugly she is on the inside, or whether you might become attracted to her because she loves to do the same things you do and has a wicked sense of humor and what she looks like when she's all dressed up. So if you only say hello and have conversations with the girls who you think are pretty on first glance, then your odds of developing a real relationship are pretty slim.
Author Mariat Posted August 1, 2009 Author Posted August 1, 2009 Ay, but it's like... I know it's not right to judge the persons by them look, however I personally can say a lot of them/of their way of living by the clothes, gestures and finally behaviour with the enviroment. (and mostly I'm proven right). And here are many of girls which really atract me also by them apperiance, however... you know; I'm just too shy and timid to say even a "piep"
norajane Posted August 1, 2009 Posted August 1, 2009 That's where the practicing comes in. If you practice saying hello to everybody, it wont' seem so hard to say hello to a girl you're interested in. People here are always asking how to learn to flirt. And I always tell them you have to practice. Natural flirts, people who find it easy, are people who flirt with everybody. They flirt with men, women, children, taxi drivers, cashiers, the toll booth operator...it's just a smile and a look in their eyes and it's a friendliness and openness that draws people, not sexual. That's what I'm suggesting - that you practice being open and friendly by opening your mouth, saying hello, and smiling. It doesn't cost anything, and it doesn't have to lead to anything. But you'll see that it becomes easier over time, and you'll see that people respond well to a friendly hello and you won't be so afraid to do it when it's a girl you like.
Author Mariat Posted August 1, 2009 Author Posted August 1, 2009 I guess youre right: I need some more contacts with girls, however I don't like the idea of "flirting". It's just; if there really is a girl i like and am atracted to, i don't wonna stay speechless...
Author Mariat Posted August 1, 2009 Author Posted August 1, 2009 I mean if there are some tips, with those I don't need to change myself or playing some game on others...
Lucky_One Posted August 1, 2009 Posted August 1, 2009 I think you have gotten the best tip of all. Practice starting conversations with anyone, but mainly women. My son has just started dating (mid-teens). I gave him a piece of advice the other night before he walked to a neighbor's house to walk a girl to the 7:00 movie. "Have 5 topics of conversation in your mind before you knock on the door." 1. Hey, I like that shirt. The color looks pretty on you. Where did you get it? 2. I was thinking of joining the next sailing class; do you sail at all? 3. What do you think of the new principal at school? 4. If your parents were going to get you a new car for your 16th birthday, what would you get? 5. Is that your cat? What's its name? Ever see kittens being born? There isn't much worse than sitting together, with both of you too nervous to say a word, in a vacuum of silence on a first date! Saying hi and smiling at someone doesn't even come CLOSE to making you a man-whore! It does, however, make you a friendly and more approachable person. Comment on someone's smile, or their sweater, or their car, or the dog they are walking. Practice practice practice! Start with little old ladies - they love the attention, and they are guaranteed to respond and keep the conversation going! Sometimes they are lonely, too, and you will brighten their day by giving them some much-wanted attention.
Author Mariat Posted August 2, 2009 Author Posted August 2, 2009 Thanks a lot for your advices. Yea, I'm very good with the old/or mature ladies. I allways hear saying them nice things and sometimes even more (which frekas me out a little:laugh:), however I'm not interested at all. I think I hate the Idea being refused by a girl I really like, allthough I tried it. I think I would be then like: "Great, now I've put all my guts to talk to you, and all you can say is:no?" Also I may stutter, when I'm talking to an attractive girl -_-
norajane Posted August 2, 2009 Posted August 2, 2009 Do you like dogs? Borrow one from a friend every now and then, and walk him on a leash, while you are practicing your skills at saying hello. Lots of girls love dogs, they'll smile at the dog, smile at you, and it's easy to start conversations about the cute dog. I think I hate the Idea being refused by a girl I really like, allthough I tried it. I think I would be then like: "Great, now I've put all my guts to talk to you, and all you can say is:no?" Says no to what? And who cares if she says no? You said you've already tried it, and been rejected. And you lived to tell the tale. Rejection is part of life, and it's not the worst thing in the world.
Author Mariat Posted August 2, 2009 Author Posted August 2, 2009 I care. Maybe it is not the worst, bot one of the worst things, at least for me - when it is a special girl you don't usually see. Yea, I lived to tell the tale, but there comes a lot of hatred with it too.
boogieboy Posted August 2, 2009 Posted August 2, 2009 Your problem is you dont know the feeling of success until you try it. You cant be worried about the outcome with women. You have to practice for the sake of practicing, not for the sake of getting the women. THATS how you approach them without being nervous. They smell your desperation. What you might want to do is approach the ones that youre not-so-worried about getting numbers from. Not necessarily ugly girls, just ones youre not so worried about impressing. Then once you got some good conversation techniques under your belt, you move on to the hotter girls. Youre never going to get any practicing by sitting at home thinking about it too much. You have to get out there and start experiencing. Have some topics that women and men like ready to talk about. Ask for her opinion on something.
Chubbi Posted August 4, 2009 Posted August 4, 2009 The other day I was out at a dance club- my friends and I were sitting around the table, enjoying ourselves, and this guy suddenly bumps into our table and almost spills it over. We managed to steady it and then he says, "Well, now that I'm here..." It made us laugh so we actually stuck around to hear him out. Unfortunately, he was too drunk to speak coherently so we rolled our eyes and ignored him after that. The thing about it is that girls are self-conscious so we like to be complimented with guys approaching us. The other thing is most of us are nice enough to even help you along, as long as you are making sense and don't offend us. I personally always try to hear guys out (treat others the way you want to be treated) and when/if I do reject them, I feel bad and guilty. So, bluster if you want- she'll try to figure out what you're saying. I had one guy resort to sign language to ask me to dance... Even if you are nervous, that's not too bad. Every girl has at least one shy friend we love, so you'll remind us of her.
Author Mariat Posted September 9, 2009 Author Posted September 9, 2009 ... Well guess what Today I've been with a really nice girl in the cinema. I really like this girl, we have very much in comon and I know she feels something for me too... We had really much fun and the movie was really cool (Hangover) and after the movie we went out of the cinema. She had to go home by her motorbike and me by the bus. So we stood there and the moment was perfect - just ment for a kiss; so we felt both I think, however what I did was just talk and talk, a lots of blah-blah and then we just hug and said good night to each other. I was (and still am) so upset and very dissapointed bymyself. Could anybody of you give me a tip what I should do? Plz^^
Phateless Posted September 11, 2009 Posted September 11, 2009 Hi, I'm just a 21 year old boy who still didnt't even get a simple kiss from any girl. I surely am not ugly, nor a nerd or whatsoever. The problem is - normally quite selfconfident - when it comes to talk to a girl who seems fine to me, I'm too timid and shy. But that's not the only problem; there sure are lot of advices for situations like I just described, however there seems to be a dilema in every of it; first they're telling you how and what you need to do, but then it also tells you: "Be yourself." Great:rolleyes:... How can I be myself, when I follow those "rules"/tips, when it's not me at all? Do you think you can help me? There is a sharp difference between YOUR PERSONALITY and BEHAVIORS. If you start drinking coke instead of pepsi that doesn't mean you're changing who you are. Try to integrate some of the tips you have heard about into what you are already doing. You don't have to alter WHO YOU ARE to modify a couple behaviors and be more successful with women. Make sense?
Author Mariat Posted September 11, 2009 Author Posted September 11, 2009 well thanks for the advice, but..uh..no, I don't really think there is a big difference between the personality and the behaviors, because ones behavior is the mirror of his personality... but whatever - that's not longer a problem for me? the thing now is, how should I go on with this girl? I really have no idea...
Phateless Posted September 11, 2009 Posted September 11, 2009 ... Well guess what Today I've been with a really nice girl in the cinema. I really like this girl, we have very much in comon and I know she feels something for me too... We had really much fun and the movie was really cool (Hangover) and after the movie we went out of the cinema. She had to go home by her motorbike and me by the bus. So we stood there and the moment was perfect - just ment for a kiss; so we felt both I think, however what I did was just talk and talk, a lots of blah-blah and then we just hug and said good night to each other. I was (and still am) so upset and very dissapointed bymyself. Could anybody of you give me a tip what I should do? Plz^^ You just have to go for it, plain and simple. It's easier if you start early in the date. When you first see her, hug her. Hold her hand for a minute in the theater. Flirt and touch while you're talking and at some point just go for it. Truth is, even though you didn't kiss her this time that doesn't mean you messed anything up. In fact, that could make her more eager to see you again because she wanted the kiss and didn't get it. Ask her again.
Author Mariat Posted September 11, 2009 Author Posted September 11, 2009 I'll give myself a kick in the ass and try my best
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