New Again Posted August 1, 2009 Posted August 1, 2009 The title isn't the most accurate for this thread, I just couldn't come up with anything accurate and concise. My brother has recently been "Dear Johned" by his gf. This is only the second girl he's ever dated; both relationships were LTRs. He is very good looking, wicked funny, smart, one of the kindest and most generous people I know...but he can be very shy and quiet, and in the past has had a (social?) anxiety problem (brief background, he, my sister and I are VERY close, did everything together, but we're "Irish triplets" and so my sister and I were in the grade ahead of our brother...when we left for college he severe anxiety problems, got counseling, is fine now). Because of distance I'm doing the best I can to help him via phone and email. He is also coming to visit me soon for a long weekend and I plan on taking him out with my friends and doing other fun things. Now that he's not in college anymore, and because he is so shy, I'm worried that he's going to have a really hard time meeting girls and it just breaks my heart that he's so unhappy. Any suggestions? How can I help him?
Panopticon Posted August 1, 2009 Posted August 1, 2009 Well i'm a shy guy and i find it damn near impossible to get any opportunities.
Author New Again Posted August 1, 2009 Author Posted August 1, 2009 Well i'm a shy guy and i find it damn near impossible to get any opportunities. Well you just need a cool, outgoing older sister to drag you out and about to give you opportunities I can't do everything for him though! Why do you feel you don't "get" opportunities? Can you clarify? My first thought is if you changed your thinking to "everything is an opportunity" - ie going out to get a coffee at Starbucks is an opportunity, and you just have to take it - might help.
EddieN Posted August 1, 2009 Posted August 1, 2009 Not sure I'd consider myself shy, but even being in college I find it very difficult to meet girls. Wish I had an older sibling to hook me up. Being out of college? Well, he can go to bars right? Just take him out to a bar and have a good time and encourage him to go talk to some women.
Panopticon Posted August 1, 2009 Posted August 1, 2009 Well i actually have a topic on the first page of this forum entitled '22 years old and never had a girlfriend' so if you want to know why you should read that:) It's a depressing read though.
Author New Again Posted August 1, 2009 Author Posted August 1, 2009 Not sure I'd consider myself shy, but even being in college I find it very difficult to meet girls. Wish I had an older sibling to hook me up. Being out of college? Well, he can go to bars right? Just take him out to a bar and have a good time and encourage him to go talk to some women. Yeah, he can - I know he'll be comfortable with my friends (who adore him and think he's hot!! - if only I had more single friends!!), and he'll have a good time with us even if he doesn't meet anymore. He'll have a hard time talking to anyone outside the group - but you're right. I know how to play the wingwoman role!
You'reasian Posted August 1, 2009 Posted August 1, 2009 I think shy is a temporary state for some people, depending on venue. For instance, I've got a buddy who will go to a bar and kind of sit around, soak up the environment, maybe crack a few jokes with the barkeep but keep to himself. I'm guessing he wasn't really trying to meet anyone. In another venue, a ball/function, he appeared very well dressed. Approached nothing but drop dead attractive, intelligent, classy women and proceeded to parade them around the dance floor very gracefully and confidently - waltz and tango and all that stuff. These women were atleast an 8 out of 10 in appearance, class and intelligence. College educated - from places like Australia, Germany, Japan etc. He continued to chat these women up afterwards, get their phone numbers and offers to hang out again! Does he have high standards?
Author New Again Posted August 1, 2009 Author Posted August 1, 2009 I think shy is a temporary state for some people, depending on venue. For instance, I've got a buddy who will go to a bar and kind of sit around, soak up the environment, maybe crack a few jokes with the barkeep but keep to himself. I'm guessing he wasn't really trying to meet anyone. In another venue, a ball/function, he appeared very well dressed. Approached nothing but drop dead attractive, intelligent, classy women and proceeded to parade them around the dance floor very gracefully and confidently - waltz and tango and all that stuff. These women were atleast an 8 out of 10 in appearance, class and intelligence. College educated - from places like Australia, Germany, Japan etc. He continued to chat these women up afterwards, get their phone numbers and offers to hang out again! Does he have high standards? Hm, I like this idea. It never occurred to me to approach it from that point - I'll have to talk to him about his standards
You'reasian Posted August 1, 2009 Posted August 1, 2009 Hm, I like this idea. It never occurred to me to approach it from that point - I'll have to talk to him about his standards It could be venue as well. Bars are excellent places to socialize and not places to meet people of higher quality. You can strike up a conversation with anyone, practice all the funny lines, work a little game to see how it works, people watch etc. Women are quick to call out game attempts, judge you quickly and go for what they can't have - unless you're at one of those rare bars where the women are just really friendly but in a venue like the one my friend attended and did so well at, you've got to bring something more tangible. He was literraly cutting a rug with these women left and right! Looking at him, he doesn't seem like much - but he cleaned up well and was like schwarzenegger in the tango scene.
Author New Again Posted August 1, 2009 Author Posted August 1, 2009 It could be venue as well. Bars are excellent places to socialize and not places to meet people of higher quality. You can strike up a conversation with anyone, practice all the funny lines, work a little game to see how it works, people watch etc. Women are quick to call out game attempts, judge you quickly and go for what they can't have - unless you're at one of those rare bars where the women are just really friendly but in a venue like the one my friend attended and did so well at, you've got to bring something more tangible. He was literraly cutting a rug with these women left and right! Thanks You'reasian, this is a really good, insightful idea. I'll have to come up with some other ideas
You'reasian Posted August 1, 2009 Posted August 1, 2009 Thanks You'reasian, this is a really good, insightful idea. I'll have to come up with some other ideas You're welcome. As my buddy says - the bar scene is your equivalent of a 30-second video clip. The ball venue was like a well written book.
Author New Again Posted August 3, 2009 Author Posted August 3, 2009 Maybe by social networking. Can you elaborate on that, or are you being sarcastic? I can't tell. He's shy, so he has a hard time talking to people he doesn't know well. Even if he's with his friends, and his friends bring people he doesn't know, he won't feel comfortable socializing with the people he doesn't know.
lovers69 Posted August 3, 2009 Posted August 3, 2009 Sorry for the short answer. If that is the case, maybe he just wants to befriends with his friends' friends. Just friends. Or maybe you need to setup him to be with some girls and he'll be the only guy. That might help.
Green Posted August 3, 2009 Posted August 3, 2009 I don't think you can do anything to help him. He's really got to help himself. I'm sure things will just end up working out for him. Since you are a girl the only thing you could do is introduce him to single female friends of yours... but then it would be up to him... also you could throw a bar-b-q or get togather with single girls that gives him a good oportunity
Hkizzle Posted August 4, 2009 Posted August 4, 2009 The title isn't the most accurate for this thread, I just couldn't come up with anything accurate and concise. My brother has recently been "Dear Johned" by his gf. This is only the second girl he's ever dated; both relationships were LTRs. He is very good looking, wicked funny, smart, one of the kindest and most generous people I know...but he can be very shy and quiet, and in the past has had a (social?) anxiety problem (brief background, he, my sister and I are VERY close, did everything together, but we're "Irish triplets" and so my sister and I were in the grade ahead of our brother...when we left for college he severe anxiety problems, got counseling, is fine now). Because of distance I'm doing the best I can to help him via phone and email. He is also coming to visit me soon for a long weekend and I plan on taking him out with my friends and doing other fun things. Now that he's not in college anymore, and because he is so shy, I'm worried that he's going to have a really hard time meeting girls and it just breaks my heart that he's so unhappy. Any suggestions? How can I help him? Read some of the pick up artist books or take a course. I'm serious although I've never taken any courses I've read some of their techniques, and they do raise confidence levels with women.
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