bonbless Posted August 1, 2009 Posted August 1, 2009 He comes in late at night, spends a lot of time at the office, or wants to hit the shower the second he arrives at home. Maybe he's guarding his cell phone calls, becoming more secretive about his emails, or quickly closing his web browser when you approach him while he's on the computer. You see the telltale signs, and can't help but wonder -- is your husband having an extramarital affair? In the not-so-distant past, extramarital affairs took place solely between co-workers, people who met at the bar or a restaurant, or even at the library. Nowadays, men who are ready and willing to break from their marital vows overwhelm online personals websites, and even classified ads websites, with "married but looking" ads. In fact, while it is offensive to anybody who holds the sanctity of marriage dear, studies of search engine queries report that there is an increasing number of people looking for online personals sites that cater to the husband looking to stray. While the differences between a cheater of ten years ago and a cheater today are negligible, because the venue for cheating husbands has opened itself to the internet -- there are many more ways to catch a cheating husband than ever before. Bottom line: if your husband is having an extramarital affair and he is using online dating websites, personals websites, or even if he is simply using his cell phone to communicate with another woman -- there are discreet ways to catch him cheating. Now, if you do suspect that your husband is having an extramarital affair, probably the worst thing you could do initially is to confront him on your suspicions. If you're right -- your husband may be able to explain away your suspicions, and he'll likely be even more careful in the future. If you're wrong about him having an affair -- you could do irreparable harm to your relationship, harm which you may not be able to undo. If you are at the point where you are sure that your husband is having an extramarital affair, the best thing for you to do is observe. Make a note of his actions, reactions, and mannerisms. If things continue, and you cannot get your "gut feeling" to go away -- your next step should be to hire an investigator, or purchase online investigation services. Hiring a private investigator is generally fairly pricey, but if you suspect that your husband has used the internet to instigate his extramarital affair, online investigation services are a great starting point and in many cases will either prove, or disprove, your husband's extramarital infidelity. It is a terrible feeling to even think that your husband could be cheating on you, but for the sake of your relationship, it's best that you do not confront him right away. Observe him, and if you can't shake the feeling after a period of time, find an investigation firm that will help you to alleviate your suspicions, one way or another.
Gamine Posted August 1, 2009 Posted August 1, 2009 I have learned this concerning myself on the back end of infidelity as the BS. If my spouse created an environment where I was made to feel that uncomfortable and suspicious I would not bother investigating or assembling proofs. I would ask that he kindly leave. The first time around, I had nightmares and a deep nagging feeling that something was wrong and suspected 'something' but despite the dreams and suspicions... the proof that emerged of the infidelity took me by surprise. It felt otherwordly. If I were to be placed in that situation again, with the dream, nagging feeling etc... I would not need proof nor would I care to have it. The mere fact that an 'unsafe' environment is being fostered would be enough for me to simply end it and spare myself the details. I asked my FWS what he would have done if I did the above. He said he would have cleaned his act up immediately.
Athena Posted August 1, 2009 Posted August 1, 2009 I asked my FWS what he would have done if I did the above. He said he would have cleaned his act up immediately. Amazing, isn't it? A WS can clean up his act immediately if thrown out, but otherwise is quite prepared to gaslight for months or years if the BS puts up with all the indicators, but hasn't got the 'proof' yet... If a WS can clean up his act so fast, why the heck don't they just Quit when the BS first starts asking?! They will cheat as far as they can, lie through their teeth to cover up -- all so they can continue with an A that doesn't even mean much to them (cuz they would have quit if you threw them out).
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