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Feeling worse than ever.


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Posted

It has been over a month since I moved out. We were together 3-1/2 years and lived together for 1-1/2. The only contact on my part has been one email in reply to my ex's first email. He replied to that and then called and left a message a week ago. I haven't responded.

 

Yesterday, I was going through things that are in storage at my mom's (to have a yard sale) and found a few things from/of him... photos, gifts, etc. from the beginning of our relationship. I am just having a horrible time with it last night and today.

 

It is a painful mixture of:

-sadness for things that I loved/hoped for when we were first together

-regret for having lost myself, my body, my independence to this relationship

-loss of how much I loved and trusted him sexually and really fearing that I'll never find that again

-anger for how things ended and how replaced I felt once better things came along for him

-guilt for somehow feeling like this was all my fault

-bad for not calling him back

 

I just don't know how to process this. Oddly enough, the only thing that is getting me through is that I also found memories from the relationships before this one at my mom's and could look at them without pain or anything... just another part of my past. So, I know this pain will pass too... but I'm just in a bad place today.

Posted

sorry you are having a bad day. I hope it gets better.

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