nanana Posted August 1, 2009 Posted August 1, 2009 My ex and I broke up about 5 months ago due to arguing. We'd been together a year and a half. I was devastated when he dumped me over text, I did the first 2 weeks begging and crying until one phone call where he was particularly nasty. I never called him again after that. It took 6 weeks before he eventually called, 2 months after the split, and we after being in touch for a while we ended up meeting. On meeting he made me feel like the split was all my fault During our relationship I was madly in love with him but he had a habit of going very hot and cold with me, making no effort on special occasions, always expecting me to pay for things, putting me down a lot. This is what led to our arguments. However, he did have his good points too and I so wanted us to get back together. He knew how badly I wanted reconciliation and suggested we just casually dated for each other and 'it's inevitable we'll get back together'. Well 3 months down the line I'd been behaving like his girlfriend whenever it was convenient for him and when we were apart rarely hearing from him. I got sick of keeping quiet, I pointed out what a sweet deal he had and that after 3 months of dating again I needed commitment. He said he 'wasn't ready' and 'didn't know what he wanted'. This was over the phone. He said we should meet to talk about it properly. I made myself a promise before I met him that if he still doesn't know what he wants, I HAVE to cut contact. And sure enough, he still wasn't ready. Plus he came out with a load of other hurtful stuff. (Plus, in his old style, he made ME pay for dinner!) I told him this was goodbye and that I'm sorry but I can't be just friends with him. His response: "whatever, you don't mean it, i'll see you next week" and of course a load of crap about how he loves me sooooo much. Since that night he has called and text me every day and I have ignored everything. He's cut me off before but this is the first time he's ever actually known what it's like to lose me. Now he's contacting more than ever! Have I done the right thing? Would he have ever committed again? Do I stick to NC or just give up and be friends? I just don't think a friend would treat someone the way he treats me and lead them on...
broken_promises Posted August 1, 2009 Posted August 1, 2009 Stay strong and stay out of contact. Don't get back together with him. It is obvious that he doesn't want to commit to you the way that you need/deserve to be committed to. It sounds like he wants what he can't have. It could be a commitment problem on his part or it could just be that he likes knowing that you are there whenever he wants you to be without having to put in any real effort into the relationship. In my experience with the relationship I am getting out of, if they are hesitant to commit and are getting what they want for the time being, they are fine to continue stringing you along. In my case, I would do anything to go back to the first time he truly bailed on a major commitment to me and just leave him then. Instead, the hope I had just kept me going along with his timeline and empty promises for another 1-1/2 years. If I could go back and spare myself wasted time and more pain, I would have!!!
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