Blackberries Posted August 1, 2009 Posted August 1, 2009 Hi guys, I have been friends with this guy (lets call him Mark) for about 5 years and he is really starting to annoy me, especially in the past few weeks. I thought we were good friends and could have a laugh together but I am beginning to feel as though he doesn't really care about me. For a start, Mark is a liar. He tells me one thing, but if I mention it in front of our other friends, he denies it and lies. For example, he told me his longest relationship was 2 weeks. But if I mention this to any of our friends, he denies it and calls me a liar and says it was 2 months. The same happens when I am recalling an event or incident. He always jumps in as I am speaking and says I am lying, and then proceeds to tell a load of lies himself. He constantly complains the town we live in is boring, but if I mention how boring it is to a friend from another area, he says it's a great place to live and there's loads to do. Then there's his behaviour about relationships- including mine. We have two friends who are a couple and Mark used to constantly want to hang out with the guy, just the two of them. He knew it upset the girlfriend but he didn't really care. We all used to make jokes that they were having a "Bromance" given how much time they spent together. Me and Mark were getting on well at the time and he used to call me now and then for a chat. However, the make friend then left (he got a new job in another state). I was in a relationship with a mutual friend of me and Mark at the time and as soon as Mark's friend was gone, he moved on to my boyfriend. Despite the fact that he'd known me 5 years and only knew my boyfriend a couple of months, he stopped calling me and didn't talk to me unless I spoke to him first. He started calling my boyfriend every couple of days and they started spending a load of time together. It hurt that he was friends with me for so long but suddenly wanted to spend all his time with my boyfriend and not invite me. And if me and my boyfriend argued, no matter who was in the wrong, Mark would take my boyfriend's side. Then, me and my boyfriend broke up. The fact that he wanted to spend most of his time with other people and not me was a factor. We had a bad breakup that included a fight in front of our friends at a party. Mark had to stand in between us to stop my boyfriend hitting me, because he went for me with his hand raised. My now-ex boyfriend no longer speaks to me. As I am sure he's probably talking **** about me, I have asked Mark to let me know if he does, but Mark says he's said nothing, which I don't believe. The night of the fight at the party, they were bosom buddies and made a big show of it. Last week I was half asleep at a party but I think I overheard Mark telling a visiting friend of ours that my ex claims we never had sex. The next morning this friend made a remark about my sex life, the remark was based on something I said to Mark as a joke, that he wouldn't know unless Mark told him. About my ex saying we never had sex, either Mark is lying (he hasn't had sex in a year and may be trying to make himself look better by claiming I haven't done it in ages either) or my ex is lying, because we did have sex many times. If my ex is going around saying things about our sex life I would have liked Mark to tell me. Basically, I feel Mark is a disloyal friend, and a completely un-objective one. He seems to always think I am in the wrong. I could do something and he'd complain at me about it, but if someone else did something he's think it was great. He is only out for himself and doesn't care about other people. He lies and manipulates situations to suit himself. I would like to just make my distance and keep it from him but we are in a foreign country and I sort of have to hang out with him sometimes as we have so many mutual friends. I am sorry for the long ramble- I guess I'm just looking for words of advice.
You'reasian Posted August 1, 2009 Posted August 1, 2009 Hi guys, Then, me and my boyfriend broke up. The fact that he wanted to spend most of his time with other people and not me was a factor. We had a bad breakup that included a fight in front of our friends at a party. Mark had to stand in between us to stop my boyfriend hitting me, because he went for me with his hand raised. My now-ex boyfriend no longer speaks to me. As I am sure he's probably talking **** about me, I have asked Mark to let me know if he does, but Mark says he's said nothing, which I don't believe. . Looking at Mark's actions, he stepped in to protect you. What does that say to you about his thoughts of your friendship? If your ex is saying bad things about you, Mark is probably acting in confidence to protect you and keep his perspective on you in a fair and balanced way. The night of the fight at the party, they were bosom buddies and made a big show of it. Last week I was half asleep at a party but I think I overheard Mark telling a visiting friend of ours that my ex claims we never had sex. The next morning this friend made a remark about my sex life, the remark was based on something I said to Mark as a joke, that he wouldn't know unless Mark told him. About my ex saying we never had sex, either Mark is lying (he hasn't had sex in a year and may be trying to make himself look better by claiming I haven't done it in ages either) or my ex is lying, because we did have sex many times. If my ex is going around saying things about our sex life I would have liked Mark to tell me. Basically, I feel Mark is a disloyal friend, and a completely un-objective one. He seems to always think I am in the wrong. I could do something and he'd complain at me about it, but if someone else did something he's think it was great. He is only out for himself and doesn't care about other people. He lies and manipulates situations to suit himself. I would like to just make my distance and keep it from him but we are in a foreign country and I sort of have to hang out with him sometimes as we have so many mutual friends. I am sorry for the long ramble- I guess I'm just looking for words of advice. If what you said is true about Mark's actions, it sounds like he's a solid friend through and through. Maybe he doesn't know you well enough or there's a disconnect in the communication - he said you were in a short relationship vs. what you said or he has different perception but otherwise, he sounds like a reliable friend. What kind of friend have you been for Mark? Drop the he said, she said for a second and see what the two of you have done for each other as friends.
tblucky Posted August 8, 2009 Posted August 8, 2009 It seems that you basically would not be Mark's friend if you did not have so many mutual friends. I would be polite and respectful, but try to create emotional distance between you two. What are everyone else's opinions of him?
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