MSUE Posted August 1, 2009 Posted August 1, 2009 My whole life I've had wonderful men they were all so great that I walked all over them wout a care...no one ever had the balls to put their foot down ever...which is why all those relationships failed...and now I've been with my BF for 2 years and I love him dearly...but he has a temper...and I like it... I'm curious to know how others feel and think He's a great guy truly is just a short fuse and when it comes to protecting me there are very few limits to what he can do NO JUDGMENTS needed here just want to know what others prefer... a carpet you can step all over or a temper that puts u in ur place when needed?
Lucky_One Posted August 1, 2009 Posted August 1, 2009 Neither? I like a man who doesn't have a temper but who maintains strong and appropriate boundaries and can communicate without anger.
Trialbyfire Posted August 1, 2009 Posted August 1, 2009 Chock another one up to neither. I prefer balanced men, who know and maintain their personal boundaries, while respecting yours. Sure, everyone gets angry or annoyed some of the time but it shouldn't be all of the time. If he's lashing out at you to keep you in your place, it probably means you push his boundaries too hard and too often. This is an assumption of mine, based on what you've posted about walking all over previous b/fs. I could easily be wrong, since maybe, he's just someone who can't control his temper, which is someone who you need to be cautious with. Respect is key.
Author MSUE Posted August 1, 2009 Author Posted August 1, 2009 he's not lashing out on me maybe temper isn't the righ word...He just doesn't put up w any BS from me or anyone
gopher Posted August 1, 2009 Posted August 1, 2009 So, you treated guys like **** when they let you. This guy won't let you, but if he did, you would. Got it;)
lucy9216 Posted August 1, 2009 Posted August 1, 2009 Neither? I like a man who doesn't have a temper but who maintains strong and appropriate boundaries and can communicate without anger. Ditto....where can I find this man? I am guessing you have tried to push this guy? and he stands up for himself right? but he does or does not have a temper?
Author MSUE Posted August 2, 2009 Author Posted August 2, 2009 it depends what temper exactly means...everyone seems to have their own definition of temper..
Citizen Drawn Posted August 2, 2009 Posted August 2, 2009 I used to have a short fuse, and as I recall, some of the women I dated used to get off on it. However, it's really not good to have one over the long term. I guess for you I can't really tell what you mean, do you have frequent arguments? Does he call you a b*tch when you get out of line? What? Give us a specific example
Trialbyfire Posted August 2, 2009 Posted August 2, 2009 The flip side of this is, how far do you push him or any of the men you've dated?
Woggle Posted August 2, 2009 Posted August 2, 2009 Why do some women feel a need to be put in place? A woman knows I am no doormat but if she keeps pushing it I will just drop her instead of constantly taking part in drama. My guess is that you get off on the drama but eventually he will get sick of being tested.
Author MSUE Posted August 2, 2009 Author Posted August 2, 2009 Citizen drawn...there are no name callings and we don't argue all that often either...other than the ocassional stop being such a d***head comment at times and those go both ways...its not that I'm like oh ok let me push his buttoms as far as I can to see what happens...its that I have a strong prersonality do what I want when I wat cause I want to kinda thing and I'm working on that...I have been working on that for years now...its the product of being the baby out of 5 girls and having parents that although strict gave me everything always no matter what it was or how I alwaya had it...I guess I major spoiled brat traumatic childhood...it was their way of saying I'm sorry for all the wrongs and trust me they were major wrongs...i'll give u an example...My dad stared at the tv ignoring my screams for help cause my sister had taken over 50 Benadryl Px pills and drank an entire container of rubbing alcohol...he was mad at her for religious issues...she couldn't take it anymore...I was 12 and luckily had friends that had cars already...My friend came and got her we wen to the hospital...she arrived with nearely a pulse...dr said it was a matter of minutes at that point... my parents way of making up for all the crap that went down wrong was just to let me b and enabling rebellion...and its always stayed with me... and Woggle I do need to be put in my place at times...I can get carried away easily and I finally met my match. I wouldn't call it drama though and I certainly don't get off on it. As far as an example of my BF's "temper" its not towards me its more of a protection reaction with him...his wau of protecting me
RedDevil66 Posted August 2, 2009 Posted August 2, 2009 I say this in the most respectful way, but you should get some therapy. It sounds like you had a dysfunctional upbringing which has led you to treat men like sh&t and to love being overpowered by a man. Lots of heartache coming your way if you don't deal with this. I do like men with strong characters because I am very outspoken, opinionated and at times very self-rightous, but men with a temper is not strong character, it's anger. Anger = unhealthy
RedDevil66 Posted August 2, 2009 Posted August 2, 2009 As far as an example of my BF's "temper" its not towards me its more of a protection reaction with him...his wau of protecting me This is like saying jealousy is a form of love. It's about control not love
Trialbyfire Posted August 2, 2009 Posted August 2, 2009 Anger = unhealthyI don't disagree with the rest of your post but this, I feel I need to point out. Anger isn't unhealthy. It's a natural emotion. It's how often your anger is sparked and how you choose to focus or lash out with that anger, that's unhealthy. I believe that anger can be a marvelous tool but has to be let go, reliant on circumstance. Maybe it's because I don't believe in the perfect zen.
RedDevil66 Posted August 2, 2009 Posted August 2, 2009 I don't disagree with the rest of your post but this, I feel I need to point out. Anger isn't unhealthy. It's a natural emotion. It's how often your anger is sparked and how you choose to focus or lash out with that anger, that's unhealthy. Maybe it's because I don't believe in the perfect zen. yes I agree, I meant the anger that comes in the form of a temper is unhealthy My anger has helped me propel in my life, but my sometimes temper has only created a lot of destruction
Trialbyfire Posted August 2, 2009 Posted August 2, 2009 yes I agree, I meant the anger that comes in the form of a temper is unhealthy My anger has helped me propel in my life, but my sometimes temper has only created a lot of destructionGotcha', now that you've clarified. You're seeing temper as lashing out, whether verbally or physically and anger as a natural reaction/emotion.
EddieN Posted August 2, 2009 Posted August 2, 2009 A temper suggests something that you can't control. How is that good? I used to have a temper. I got it under control, though. I still can get ferocious, but only when I want to.
Author MSUE Posted August 2, 2009 Author Posted August 2, 2009 Red Devil if you read my last post troighly I saoid that its something I've been working on so yea I have been in thereapy for years!!! and trust me I'm a good place mentally ...and I never mentioned jelaousy has nothing to do with that is as lil as a neighbour being very nasty with me and he ended up with a bad tire
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