Author Rox Posted August 5, 2009 Author Posted August 5, 2009 I really don't think he is trying to cheat. He is just doing some guy stuff and with all due respect you trying to put the leash on him which most men hate. A woman should never try to get in between a man and his friends because any self respecting man will pick his friends. I would like to know how you would feel if he tried to control you like this. I'm ok with the guy stuff, as long as it doesn't involve naked girls all over him. He travels with his friends all the time to go to football games, fishing and stuff. That's not the issue here. And, I'm not trying to get between him and his friends, I dont even care about them, it's them who are trying to get between me and him, and not just today, it's been going on for 8 yrs!! and he was never able to draw the line, they don't respect me and it doesn't seem to bother him.
Author Rox Posted August 5, 2009 Author Posted August 5, 2009 Say you get married and one day, he decides he wants an open marriage. According to him, any prior agreements hold no water, which could encompass wedding vows. With a prior agreement like this, no discussion about change, unilateral decision making and no consideration of your feelings, I would have ditched him too. When we broke up that's the exact same thing I said, apparently any verbal agreements we make can be broken as soon as a friend of his snaps his fingers. I told him I need to be with someone who I can trust, how can I trust him after this?
Author Rox Posted August 5, 2009 Author Posted August 5, 2009 What is it then if all the gender's were switched? We're not talking about a night out with the boys. We're talking about a bunch of cheating men who want a particular one of their friends to cheat to and have planned to go to Vegas for a particular night out that often leads to excess of drinking and drugs and cheating. Think about it Wogs; it sounds the same to me........why doesn't it to you? That's exactly what they want, they want him to cheat and it's not a secret, they've wanted it all along, since they all have told me that the non-cheating thing in a relationship applies only to women. Men can cheat since they are not in love with the girl, it's just sex, he loves me so it's ok if he sleeps around as long as he doesn't fall in love with them. Still wondering why I'm upset he is going?
Author Rox Posted August 5, 2009 Author Posted August 5, 2009 What do you mean that there have been trust issues concerning his fidelity? Does it mean that he has cheated or almost cheated in the past? If so, I think you have a right to be this upset. Hmm... when is this trip? Maybe you could gather YOUR friends and have a nice, bachelorette weekend trip of your own, to somewhere nice? Say Cancun? Is that an option? Maybe that will take your mind away from the worries... have some good time of your own and don't worry too much about your boyfriend! Play the same rules then! He did cheat about 5 yrs. ago, the girl confessed and I had proof, but he denied it, denies it still. But I know what he did, we had a rough year but we moved on. Actually my friends planned this trip to Cancun months ago, but I wasn't going, last week when all this happened I bought my plane tickets... we leave aug. 12th. I'm really looking forward to it, I never thought I was going and feels amazing that I am.
sally4sara Posted August 5, 2009 Posted August 5, 2009 That's exactly what they want, they want him to cheat and it's not a secret, they've wanted it all along, since they all have told me that the non-cheating thing in a relationship applies only to women. Men can cheat since they are not in love with the girl, it's just sex, he loves me so it's ok if he sleeps around as long as he doesn't fall in love with them. Still wondering why I'm upset he is going? Ummm, no. I wasn't wondering why it bothered you in the first place.....or are you asking that last question to the doubting posters?
Author Rox Posted August 5, 2009 Author Posted August 5, 2009 Honestly, I don't think I'd want to date a guy who had such loser friends. Guilt by association. I think the types of people you associate with tell a lot about the type of person you are. If he is okay with his guy friends sleeping around, acting all macho and hanging out at strip clubs every single weekend, what does that tell you about HIS morals and values? I never thought of it that way, you're so right! He always says that whatever they do I shouldn't care because HE is not the one doing it, that kinda made sense to me.
Author Rox Posted August 5, 2009 Author Posted August 5, 2009 I'm trying to get a sense of your relationship dynamic. You seem to have a lot of anger with and resentment towards his 'macho, loser friends'. As I said, he did cheat a long time ago, but we got over it. I do have a lot of resentment towards his friends, they are not nice to me, they don't respect our relationship, once one of them even made something up about me cheating so my bf would break up with me. My bf was confused and didn't know who to believe, I had to give him the proof I had that I was somewhere else when this supposedly happened. I think that's what bothered me the most, the fact that his friend didn't had to give him proof yet he believed him, and I did have to.
Author Rox Posted August 5, 2009 Author Posted August 5, 2009 Now you just gave him a reason to sleep with someone in vegas, since now he's single. Being this controlling will only make someone more apt to pull away. The more you pull his reins, the more he's going to want to break free. How long ago did he cheat on you? And how old are you both? What he does it's up to him, and our future together depends on it. He is 31, I'm 27... what difference does it make?
Author Rox Posted August 5, 2009 Author Posted August 5, 2009 Ummm, no. I wasn't wondering why it bothered you in the first place.....or are you asking that last question to the doubting posters? Yes!! Im so sorry I didn't make myself clear. I was asking woggle. Sorry!! and thanks for your answers
Lizzie60 Posted August 5, 2009 Posted August 5, 2009 Methink... the more you'll try to control him.. the faster you'll lose him... Are you that insecure? If he goes once in a while.. I see no big deal.. If you don't like it.. move on.. you can't change people..
Woggle Posted August 5, 2009 Posted August 5, 2009 If you had a bunch of manhating friends who tried to sabotage your relationship would he have the right to take issue with that?
stace79 Posted August 5, 2009 Posted August 5, 2009 If you had a bunch of manhating friends who tried to sabotage your relationship would he have the right to take issue with that? I think he would. We've discussed in previous posts, but if you're truly serious about each other, you BOTH have to become number one. That means that you have to consider the other's wishes and feelings in regards to your friends. Obviously I would never demand my fiance stop being friends with someone for no good reason. But if they were doing something to encourage him to be unfaithful or they were constantly putting me down, I have faith that he would choose me. Even now, because of past drama, my mom still makes unnecessary comments about my fiance. I always stick up for him and try to discuss with my mom why she shouldn't talk about him that way anymore. I love him -- so his feelings are at least as important as my friends and family, if not more so. And he is the same.
Trialbyfire Posted August 5, 2009 Posted August 5, 2009 When we broke up that's the exact same thing I said, apparently any verbal agreements we make can be broken as soon as a friend of his snaps his fingers. I told him I need to be with someone who I can trust, how can I trust him after this?The one issue that bothers me, is that in your mind, you still perceive the two of you in a relationship, even though you've broken up with him. If you give an ultimatum and go through with it, you have to stick to it, which means accepting that it's over and moving on. This means that whatever he does in Vegas or anything else he does in his life, has no impact on you.
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