rollwithit Posted August 1, 2009 Posted August 1, 2009 Hi all,this is my first post here after poking around here for a few hours looking for some similar situations to mine. I guess I'm here looking for advice,opinions and or support.I'm not quite sure. Its starts with me being married to my highschool sweetheart,we went out for 10 years before she gave me a speech one day that her biological clock is ticking and something needs to happen(ring).What she didn't know was I had been to a jeweler and made arrangments with the owner of the store to make payments to him and not a financial company for the ring and had finally payed it off and had it home for roughly a week(hidden)when she gave me the speech.So the cat was let out of the bag there,my surprise for her was completely ruined to save me relationship with her. To shorten this up,we did get married,did the honeymoon,bought a house,had two kids and have been married for 5 years of which she left with out me to a vacation for her planned 5 year wedding anniversary as I had work commitments I could not get of I had to stay behind and work which she was dissapointed about but left with a family member instead. Since this time we have become more distant from each other,work had been in the way of this which changes were made,the kids and house work add to the to our problems I suppose. About a week ago we had a serious talk as her behaviour was becoming bitter towards myself and our kids,what that conversation broke down to was basically her telling me that she thinks that we love each other but are not in love with each other anymore.I responded by saying that we have communication problems that we need to work on and not to patch our relationship but repair it if possible,which she agreed.After a week of thinking about our convo.,I have come to the conclusion to move out of our house away from her and the kids to clear my head up and see if things are meant to be. Did I do the right thing by making that desicion to move out?everything feels so wrong right now but I'm very tired of being this miserable tamed down lame shadow of a person I was.
Chrome Barracuda Posted August 1, 2009 Posted August 1, 2009 WTF why are you leaving, sounds to me she is very impatient and short tempered. She should be leaving. the man always gets screwed when he leaves his house.
mark982 Posted August 1, 2009 Posted August 1, 2009 you should never leave your house,seen as abandament(sp)
Author rollwithit Posted August 1, 2009 Author Posted August 1, 2009 WTF why are you leaving, sounds to me she is very impatient and short tempered. She should be leaving. the man always gets screwed when he leaves his house. I'm leaving because it feels like the right thing to do right now I am miserable when I come home from work,its not a place of happiness for me right now,and as for getting screwed.I dont think shes that type I really dont think I would have to work the rest of my life to suppport her.I have also realized that the materials possessions I have acquired over time are only that.... materials possessions which I used to think made me happy but do not,so getting "screwed" doesn't concern me a bunch. -thanks.
Author rollwithit Posted August 1, 2009 Author Posted August 1, 2009 you should never leave your house,seen as abandament(sp) thanks for the reply,I think this is what is really bothering me is the abandonment issue,I feel horrible going away from the kids,but miserable staying home.
Gunny376 Posted August 1, 2009 Posted August 1, 2009 You need to re-define the word "screwed" There's "screwed" and then there getting @zz raped in divorce court! You just don't know! I'll never marry again you can 'bank' on that! Marriage is to the benefit of women and children ~ not men!
MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted August 2, 2009 Posted August 2, 2009 Talk to a lawyer before you make any definite plans to leave and you will see the above posters are right. How is your workload now? How could you not go on your vacation planned for your 5-year anniversary? What kind of a workplace would do that to an employee? That is what "vacation" time is for. I think you needed to stand up for yourself and make other arrangements for your work (delegate, make up for it later) and put your wife first. I can understand completely how she feels you have already abandoned her in the marriage by not going on that holiday with her. I would be pissed! I don't think you should leave. I think you should start trying to make this up to her. Start treating her the way she deserves to be treated by a loving husband. Are you still harboring resentment that she blew your surprise engagement? If not, then why would you bring that up now?
Author rollwithit Posted August 2, 2009 Author Posted August 2, 2009 Talk to a lawyer before you make any definite plans to leave and you will see the above posters are right. How is your workload now? How could you not go on your vacation planned for your 5-year anniversary? What kind of a workplace would do that to an employee? That is what "vacation" time is for. I think you needed to stand up for yourself and make other arrangements for your work (delegate, make up for it later) and put your wife first. I can understand completely how she feels you have already abandoned her in the marriage by not going on that holiday with her. I would be pissed! I don't think you should leave. I think you should start trying to make this up to her. Start treating her the way she deserves to be treated by a loving husband. Are you still harboring resentment that she blew your surprise engagement? If not, then why would you bring that up now? To answer your questions.My workload now is nothing compared to what it was,which leads to question two.I couldn't leave for that anniversary vacation which was booked after we had started a new business. Her leaving on the vacation was not the first time she blew me off to go elsewhere,without me.For the last question I guess maybe I am harbouring resentment about our engagement.
MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted August 3, 2009 Posted August 3, 2009 To answer your questions.My workload now is nothing compared to what it was,which leads to question two.I couldn't leave for that anniversary vacation which was booked after we had started a new business. Her leaving on the vacation was not the first time she blew me off to go elsewhere,without me.For the last question I guess maybe I am harbouring resentment about our engagement. I'm not sure I understand what you mean that she "blew you off to go". Are you saying that you could have rescheduled? I assumed it was not an option, so she went so as not to lose the paid-for trip or something. Do you think she did this just to get back at you for being busy? Who is the "we" that started the new business? You and your wife or you and someone else? Just trying to understand the people involved. You two need to talk. Put all your issues on the table before resentment grows. This is the reason I am single today.
Author rollwithit Posted August 7, 2009 Author Posted August 7, 2009 I'm not sure I understand what you mean that she "blew you off to go". Are you saying that you could have rescheduled? I assumed it was not an option, so she went so as not to lose the paid-for trip or something. Do you think she did this just to get back at you for being busy? Who is the "we" that started the new business? You and your wife or you and someone else? Just trying to understand the people involved. You two need to talk. Put all your issues on the table before resentment grows. This is the reason I am single today. Just to clarify,when I said "we"I meant my wife and I started a new business,which was started before any arrangments were made to travel.When the time came to go for our anniversay "vacation"I could not get away from work.She booked the trip and left without me. We have talked some more,She has heard my half,and I have listened to her.I am not happy right now, and shes told me that shes not in love with me anymore and doesn't have anymore to give to our relationship.
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